tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post7297038481930409353..comments2023-07-23T10:25:38.598-04:00Comments on Jill Boyd's Place: Help Me Out!Jillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04630288151385157311noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-52334674606687838742009-09-28T02:02:21.955-04:002009-09-28T02:02:21.955-04:00The first one told too much without telling me any...The first one told too much without telling me anything ... I FELT like I was getting a synopsis of the entire book. Personally, I liked the second paragraph better. That style suits me and tends to grab my attention, particularly the first half of it. The last sentence needs to be revised. The use of the word "shared" in back to back sentences is too repetitive. I do like Ingrid's idea of combining the two. You could take the first half of paragraph two and add some simpler questions to generate further interest. <br />The one liners are a little harder for me, however, I'll give it a shot or two:<br /><br />* Jennifer and her husband told each other everything ... or did they?<br /><br />* Life is hard ... running for your life is harder!Freda Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07616038663682878386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-31486361195644640092009-09-26T18:31:56.776-04:002009-09-26T18:31:56.776-04:00I like the first one. It caught my attention right...I like the first one. It caught my attention right away and I kept reading to find out more. <br /><br />as far as hook lines I would have to think more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18439689700601562619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-54664305588433581882009-09-26T06:13:08.265-04:002009-09-26T06:13:08.265-04:00I would take info from both paragraphs and create ...I would take info from both paragraphs and create a new one. I think ending with a question or two is a good idea to create curiosity in the book. As far as one-liners go, I stink at that! Sorry! Good luck getting it all together!Ingihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01296688616372157817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-88348596195759585212009-09-25T14:49:43.034-04:002009-09-25T14:49:43.034-04:00Hey, don't feel bad--I'm asking for what w...Hey, don't feel bad--I'm asking for what works and what doesn't! Trust me, the publisher will have no problem letting me know something doesn't work. Ya'll are really helping.<br /><br />I will be publishing under my own name, btw. Seeing my name on the cover (or better yet, multiple covers) is a lifelong dream.Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04630288151385157311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-5868487670649125862009-09-25T14:34:00.811-04:002009-09-25T14:34:00.811-04:00Hi there! I loved the first sentence of the first...Hi there! I loved the first sentence of the first one, but lost interest in the mentions of 'getting back to the States'. The second is punchier until the 4th sentence which is simply too long. I had to reread it to check the meaning. I hope that helps! Whatever you chose, I want to read it when you're done - not least because I was a missionary in Africa myself.<br />God bless you<br />SarahFranbleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16515726155478542154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-66848007761360726332009-09-25T12:41:50.679-04:002009-09-25T12:41:50.679-04:00I like the first one better. It's perfect and...I like the first one better. It's perfect and captured my interest right away. I think it's perfect for the back of the book.<br /><br />I really didn't think the second one was as interesting.<br /><br />I'll have to pop over to your link and read it, it'll be fun!<br /><br />Are you going to have a fake pen name like some of them do, or are you going to use your real name?momsthewordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14519343990735608713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493411878929853236.post-7796509896395277562009-09-25T02:48:46.496-04:002009-09-25T02:48:46.496-04:00oh i am awful in this type of thing so I won´t try...oh i am awful in this type of thing so I won´t try but.... about Matthew´s comment to you, that is the way I feel about the first one. The second one, I like the idea you are trying to give but somehow the whole I would work on more. (uff, it was hard to say...I hate being negative :()<br /><br />About catch lines.... well, I couldn´t even come up with a name to my blog so.... you don´t want my help :)Pilarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01539881148022345267noreply@blogger.com