Jill Boyd's Place

Full Speed Ahead

2012-01-03T07:37:00.000-05:00

So since I took most of the month of December off from blogging, I should have a lot to say. I thought about doing a recap of our Christmas, but that's old news now, isn't it? And anyway, I can probably sum it up with one word:

Wonderful

It wasn't perfect. For some reason, Matt and Kylee felt they needed to travel up to spend the holidays with her folks. I agreed to let them go because ~~I had no choice~~ I'm unselfish like that. After all, I insisted on having them here last year, so it was only fair.

On the plus side, our daughter was home for Christmas for the first time in four years. That definitely made the holidays wonderful!

I also thought I could celebrate my return to blogland and my first post of the new year by writing something profound.

I got nothing.

So instead I decided to write my first post of 2012 from the emergency room. Because nothing says Happy New Year like taking your spouse to the hospital in the middle of the night because he woke up with chest pains.

Yes, I'm blogging from his examining room. Don't judge me. It's helping me stay awake.

I am not a calloused woman. I waited until we we sure he was out of immediate danger before I started blogging. They're not sure what the problem is, but all his tests look good so they're pretty sure it's not his heart. Probably. No one really likes to say for sure because people in the medical profession hate to be wrong.

I will say this--if you've ever had to sit for hours in an emergency waiting room, try telling them you have chest pains. They move pretty quickly for that.

So no heart attack, but his blood pressure is quite high. He has a tendency towards that. And it just got higher when they came in to draw blood. Because he has a fear of needles like that.

Can't imagine what's causing Indiana stress. Couldn't be the six kids-- they're always good as gold. Except when they aren't. But we're getting even. We snuck off to the emergency room during the night. Won't they be surprised when they wake up.

Won't we be surprised if they're all still asleep by the time we get home!

Might be Indiana's job is causing him stress, but I can't see why. Everyone knows that being a pastor is not stressful. They only work on Sundays, don't they?

Sorry. I tend to get a little sarcastic and cranky when I've had less than four hours of sleep.

Right now I'm cranky because we're sitting here killing time. Once all the initial tests were done and they discovered we were in no immediate danger, they've left us alone. if we weren't directly across from the nurses' station, I might try to take a nap. Guess that's first on my to do list when we get out of here.

So Happy New year. Hope 2012 is all you want it to be.

We're starting it out with a bang.

Dittle My Finger

2011-12-13T08:17:00.000-05:00

In the last group of Hodgepodge questions, I commented that "dittle" was my word for the day. Several people asked questions about the word in the comments, so I'm answering them here.

My daughter-in-law accidentally coined the word dittle when she meant to say ditto, and it came out wrong. Then she said that was her new word. It's an all-purpose word that can be used in any part if speech. It makes a great exclamation word:

"We went Christmas shopping today."
"Dittle! What'd you get me?"

It can also be used as a noun:

"If you're good you might get a dittle."

It's not technically a substitution for profanity, but feel free to use it that way if you must.

It can also be used as a verb:

"I really dittled my finger."

That last sentence was because of a mishap in the kitchen last week. My family, used to gourmet cooking as they are, requested hotdogs and canned chili for dinner one night. Being extremely competent with a can opener, I opened up the can of chili, bent the lid back out of the way and scrapped the contents into a pot.

Apparently that particular can was possessed because the lid suddenly developed a mind of its own. It bent forward and took a bite (a deep bite) out of my finger.

I don't usually have pictures, but I went all out for you here. Aren't you proud of me?

It's deeper and more painful than it looks. It's also my index finger (one of the most important, I would think) and it's on my left hand. I'm left-handed.

My family was relieved to know that I didn't get any blood in the chili.

I did get blood everywhere else. I knew it needed stitches, but I wasn't about to spend the next four hours sitting in an emergency room. No bandaid was up to the job, so we bandaged it with multiple paper towels folded down to size and taped around my finger.

I soaked through two of those makeshift bandages that evening. I finally stopped bleeding by morning, but anytime I bent my finger, the waterfall of gushing blood began again. That made it difficult to shower and dress for work, but I managed. I was quite proud of my ability to cope until it came time to put gel in my hair. Pressing the dispenser on the bottle started the bleeding up again. Since I didn't want streaks of blood in my hair, I was stuck.

This is where Indiana came to the rescue. I debated all other options, but finally I asked him if he would help me. I pumped gel into his hands, and he immediately assumed an expression of high-end stylist snobbery as he lightly worked his fingers through my hair.

His technique was so good it disturbed me.

Although he was a good sport about helping with my hair and even putting my earrings in, I knew better than to press my luck. By the next day I'd perfected my own finger-less strategies and was able to do without an assistant.

A doctor friend took a look at my finger and agreed that yes, I should have had stitches, and no, it didn't look infected in spite of the swelling. She did point out that if I continued to bend my finger the wound would continue to break open. She suggested either using a splint or taping two fingers together so that it would stay straight and heal.

She did not tell me how to type or play the piano while in a splint. This could get interesting.

So there you have it. I dittled my finger and am going about my normal life, plus all my Christmas-related duties, with diminished capacity. My poor, swollen digit sticks straight up most of the time in a vain attempt to heal.

I guess I should be glad it's not my middle finger. Then I probably wouldn't need a dittle to express my opinion.

Reindeer, Humbug and Hodgepodge

2011-12-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason, my computer does not like the Hodgepodge button today. So I don't have the picture, but you can still click here and see Joyce and her weekly Hodgepodge questions. And since you're there anyway, why not answer them? You know if you had something better to do you wouldn't be wandering around the internet anyway. That's why I'm here, after all.

1. Will you be hosting any house guests between now and the end of December? Does that thought make you happy or crazy? Do you do anything special for your guests to make them feel at home? How long should a house guest stay?
We have long hosted multiple Christmas parties at our house. This year, for a variety of reasons that I won't go into, our house was not a good idea for any parties. My husband agreed with me and promised me that we wouldn't have to host our Sunday School Christmas party at our house this year.

The party is on the 17th. It's at our house.

To answer the second part of the question, a guest should leave just a couple of minutes before the host thinks they should leave.

2. Walter Elias Disney was born this week (December 5) back in 1905 ...what's your all time favorite Disney movie? Here's a list in case you're struggling...and yes, you have to pick one.
I know there are tons, and I like many of them, but when I think of Disney, I think of the classic cartoons. And my favorite is Cinderella. Come on, the dress ... the shoes ... the prince ... the horse-drawn carriage (pumpkin) ... what's not to love?

3. What was the last thing you purchased that you realized was a mistake after the fact?

Pick a craft book. Any craft book. I know I can't do them. I know I'll never tackle most ideas in the book, let alone actually complete them. And the ones that are completed I would never show anyone. Yet still, occasionally, I can't help myself. I call it my Compulsion To Be Martha Stewart syndrome. It's under control at the moment, but the medication has some interesting side effects.

4. What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done online?

Really, Joyce? A math question? 30%? 50%? X=5? To the nth power?

5. Amaryllis-snowdrop-poinsettia...your favorite winter blossom?

Poinsettias say Christmas. Well, not really. At least, they shouldn't. My flowers don't talk to me. Mostly because I refuse to water them and bring them to the brink of death repeatedly before shoving them over the precipice. But still, the fake ones look like Christmas.

6. What is one thing on your personal Christmas wish list? I think we all want peace on earth so let's make this answer an actual item.

An ipad, of course. And a clean house. But I doubt I'm getting either of them.

7. If you could only use one word today what would it be?

Dittle. My daughter-in-law came up with that word the other day and now she uses it in almost every situation. It makes us laugh.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I was stunned when one of my children said recently that they knew I always asked for a clean house because we didn't have any money for anything else. Seriously? They thought that was the reason?

Obviously I'm not communicating very well.

The Thankful Hodgepodge

2011-11-23T00:00:00.004-05:00

Oh, thank goodness! It's the Hodgepodge! After reading my answers and leaving a comment (kind of like kissing the cook), head on over to Joyce's where you can see what everyone else is offering up. Take a sampling from here and there and soon you'll find yourself stuffed with laughter, memories and good times. Come on, you didn't really want to start your Thanksgiving cooking yet anyway, did you? I didn't think so!

1. Let's start with something controversial...dressing or stuffing? What's it called at your house and what's included in your recipe...cornbread? oysters? sausage? chestnuts?

It's called Stovetop at our house!

2. Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

Anybody who seems to be doing just a little worse than I am.

3. When were you last inside an airport?

In March I traveled to Huntsville to visit a friend who's like a sister. At the last minute, I upgraded to business class for an extra $50. I may never fly again because I don't think I could ever go back to coach. I can't. I won't.

4. What is one side dish that absolutely must be included in a turkey dinner?

I think the only side dish I would actually want in the turkey would be stuffing. It may all go to the same place, but I don't want the turkey eating my mashed potatoes before I do.

5. What Christmas song do you dread hearing?

Christmas Shoes. It's not really about Christmas, it's not happy or joyful, and the lyrics seem deliberately designed to try and drive listeners to tears. I very much prefer something like, I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.

6. If someone approaches you and asks for money do you give it to them? Do you drop money 'in a tin cup' that belongs to a person on the street? Do you have a specific charity you support during the holiday season and/or year round?

I've tried saying "no" when asked for money, but somehow my kids get it out of me anyway.

7. Share a favorite Thanksgiving memory. If you live in a country that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving share a favorite memory associated with food.

When we lived in Uganda, we had to travel a long way and pay a lot of money to get a very small turkey for Thanksgiving. It was worth it. We had as traditional a dinner as I could make, and then we watched a recorded version of the Super Bowl from the previous year. We'd never seen that particular game, and it was a great one. It didn't matter how old it was. It helped make it more Thanksgiving-y.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I've never yet seen a Black Friday deal so fantastic that I thought it was worth getting out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, or standing outside in line all of Thanksgiving night.

Pie to the Power of Pumpkin

2011-11-22T11:01:00.000-05:00

There's something very wrong about referring to a Thanksgiving dessert in math terms, but since I've spent so much time lately helping one child with algebra II and another child with pre-algebra, and a third child with algebra I ... well, you can see why I've started speaking math phrases.

Thankfully, though, (did you like that segue there?), this post is not about math. It's about pie. We're not really pie people in our family. Probably because I'm not much of a pie chef. If I'm going to bake, I'd rather be doing cookies or cakes.

There is one time of year, however, when pies are an absolute necessity. And that would be at Thanksgiving. We always have pumpkin pie and chocolate pie as part of our Thanksgiving Day dessert. I usually also make some third choice because having the same thing every year can get monotonous. (This year my daughter-in-law is bringing that third choice. Yea!) Even when I branch out, though, I get complaints if the requisite pumpkin and chocolate pie choices aren't part of the equation.

Sorry. Slipped a little math back in.

At any rate, I'm not all about the pie crust. I've made them from scratch before--I've made pretty good crusts from scratch, if I do say so myself. But when I eat pie, I'm not admiring the flaky crust. I want the filling. And the whipped topping. That's the reason for pie as far as I'm concerned. I've done enough "from scratch" that I don't feel the need to prove my abilities every year. So most years I go with a ready-made pie crust.

I've also made the pie fillings from scratch. In fact, one year I actually cut up and canned a pumpkin, and then used that to make my pumpkin pie. I mean, you can't get anymore homemade than that! But since the kitchen is not my favorite room in the house, most years I settle for Libby's canned pumpkin pie filling. My family likes it too, so why mess with what works?

As for chocolate, jello pie/pudding mix works for me. And my family actually prefers the taste to a homemade chocolate pie. (maybe they just prefer the taste to my homemade chocolate pie, but that's another blog post.) The important thing is, I'm pleasing my family and getting off easy at the same time.

It just makes no sense to me to spend all that time on homemade efforts that aren't worth the trouble, at least as far as my family's tastebuds are concerned. I've got to spend all my effort on the stuffing and mashed potatoes (both from scratch, thank you very much). Plus the dozen other sides that go with a traditional Boyd Thanksgiving Dinner.

Now Christmas dessert? That's a whole 'nother story. We're probably having Cheesecake Factory cheesecake.

Hey, we don't mess with tradition.

P.S. What about you? Does the dessert make the meal, and will the family forgive you if you don't slave over every aspect of it yourself?

Paraprosdokian Anyone?

2011-11-21T06:36:00.000-05:00

No, it's not a seasoning--even though it sounds like one. Paraprosdokian is defined as "figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is an example of paraprosdokian. I think a couple of these listed here would go well on a t-shirt. What do you think?

Learn from the mistakes of others. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right---only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Going to church doesn't make you Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

The One Year Hodgepodge

2011-11-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

Come on; you can't miss the anniversary of the Hodgepodge! Fifty-Two weeks of fun, laughing, deep thinking--and that's just when Joyce comes up with the questions! Wait'll you see what happens when people start answering. Well, what are you waiting for?

1. Of all the tools and gadgets you own which do you most enjoy using?

I love my iphone. But if someone were to give me an ipad, I promise I would love that more.

2. When (if ever) is impatience a virtue?

I find it hard to believe that impatience could be a virtue. Although it can be a means of inspiration. For instance, if you're losing patience with our politicians, it might inspire you to do something about it.

3. What temperature do you keep your thermostat set to in winter? Do you have another way to heat your house besides a furnace of some type?

I keep it at 71 degrees, but Indiana likes it at 73. We refer to these times as the thermostat wars. We have no other means of heating our home, but he would love it if we had a wood-burning stove. Not that it's more efficient. I think he just likes fire.

4. Do/did you have a close relationship with any of your grandparents?

This picture shows my Grammy on the left, along with my mom, me and my daughter. Grammy had red hair and freckles, and she loved to write, and I love that I got that passion from her.

5. When did you last have a family portrait taken?

We had pictures of the kids made a couple of weeks ago, and we're going to surprise my husband with some framed portraits for Christmas. Shhh! Don't tell!

6. What does the word patriotism mean to you?

Patriotism means loving your country enough to do something for it. It also means standing up against anyone who doesn't love your country or tries to hurt it. And that goes for either terrorists or politicians.

7. Do you like to play cards and if so, what's your favorite card game?

I like Rook, but it's no fun to play unless everyone playing understands both the rules and the strategies. I absolutely love Dutch Blitz. No strategies, just lots of fun and fast movement and winning. At least there's winning when I play.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

There are only forty-five shopping days left until Christmas. In case you were wondering.

The Fifty-First Hodgepodge

2011-11-02T00:00:00.012-04:00

Come on and answer the Hodgepodge questions this week! Answer them on your blog or on facebook, and then link up with Joyce and see what everyone else had to say. You know you've been wanting to, so this is the week to actually do it. Well? What are you waiting for?

1. Who taught you how to cook?

Don't hold this against her, but my mother did. At least, she tried. It just didn't stick. Although my rice usually does ...

2. Have you been told you think too much? Are too much of a perfectionist? Are too sensitive? Were they right?

I think my problem is usually not thinking enough rather than thinking too much. And I'm only a perfectionist when it comes to someone else's work.

3. As a child did you have a favorite blanket or toy? Tell about it.

I had a doll with red hair, and her name was Cinnamon. (I know that sounds like a stripper name, but I didn't make it up--the doll came with that name.) You could turn a button on her stomach, and her hair would get shorter. Than if you wanted to make it longer again, you grabbed the ponytail that was coming out of her head and pulled it to full length again. We were high-tech, I tell you!

4. What 'institution' do you have the most faith in?

The mental institution I call home. You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps.

5. Chrysanthemums-pansies-burning bush-ornamental cabbage...your favorite in an autumn garden?

Since any autumn garden I would be in would clearly not be my own--what with my black thumb and all--I don't think I can afford to be choosy. I'll take whatever I can get.

6. What superpower do the kids in your neighborhood seem to posses?

I'm not sure if it was a teenager or an adult, but someone had the ability to disappear after running into the side of my car, which was parked on the street for the night.

7. Are you a fan of the cranberry?

I've tried to be. Really I have. But I've finally decided that cranberries were not added to the Thanksgiving meal for taste, but rather for the color they add to the table. And I'm okay with that.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Today I helped my son calculate logarithms. I did it all by myself, following the instructions he was given and not using the score key for help. For a gal who's always believed that x = 5, I think that's pretty good.

Injecting Incentives

2011-11-01T15:20:00.000-04:00

Some of you may (or may not) remember that last year about this time I started commenting occasionally about losing weight. Losing some weight had been a necessity for some time, both due to appearances and health, but I had a really good incentive to get serious about it (because serious health problems are not enough of a reason) when my son decided decided to get married.

Obviously I wanted to look my best for the wedding since, as the mother of the groom, I was ~~completely unimportant~~ the most important person there. Clearly, the way I looked was the most important part of the day for these two.

Seriously. Don't let the picture fool you.

At any rate, I was quite pleased as I ~~chiseled~~ melted the pounds away. You may even recall that I boasted about losing almost seventy pounds. I still have more to lose (I say that with shame), but I've been really proud of what I've accomplished so far.

Until now.

I've enjoyed getting new clothes and tailoring others down to fit me again. I know I look better than I have in a long time. But just recently I discovered something that sucked a lot of the joy out of my new look. I've discovered that I'm just as bad at math as I ever was.

You might wonder what that has to do with anything. It had a lot to do with everything when I realized that I had not subtracted properly and I'd actually lost sixty pounds instead of seventy. And please don't comment that it's still an accomplishment. Yes, I know it is, but would you be happy if you learned that you'd lost ten less pounds than you thought you had? I didn't think so.

In addition to that disturbing news, my weight loss has dramatically slowed for the last few months. My doctor ran more blood tests and discovered that my sugar levels are still too high and, in his words, my body was still struggling toward diabetes. On the heels of that distressing revelation, the doctor assured me that I wouldn't be getting diabetes on his watch. I was more than ready to cheer on his determination and his efforts (since I had none of my own) until he told me what he wanted to do to get my sugar under control.

It seems there's a new medicine on the market that helps control sugar levels. A new, injectible medicine. I must say, he had my attention when he started talking about injections. I started shaking my head just that fast. I couldn't imagine trying to stick myself with a needle every day.

The doctor assured me that it wasn't that big a deal, and that the medicine was a great incentive. I'd say so. I was already plotting what promises I would make about getting my diet back on track if he'd hold off on the injections for a while. Unfortunately, he wasn't convinced. And he said that as long as my sugar levels were off, trying to lose weight was an exercise in futility.

At least I'd be getting some exercise.

After showing me the injection pen and the tiny needles, I finally agreed to give it a try. I must admit, though, that my motives weren't strictly for my own health. Indiana Jones has a huge fear of needles and the thought of his face when I told him I'd have to give myself injections was enough to make me say yes.

The medicine is working, my weight loss is back on track and now I have lost almost seventy pounds. Plus, Indiana shudders and groans every time I mention something about the injections. I guess it's a win-win. Or maybe a loss-loss.

What would you call it?

The Fiftieth Hodgepodge

2011-10-26T11:45:00.001-04:00

Look whose fifty! Well certainly not me! I'm talking about the Hodgepodge, of course. By now you should know the drill--read, comment, click, repeat. You've got it. And by the way, you'd better leave a comment here after that fifty remark, or I'm going to be insulted.

1. What gives you goosebumps?

Extreme heights. My kids. My kids at extreme heights.

2. Halloween-are you a lover or a hater? Okay, that sounds harsh...Halloween-yay or nay?

Neigh. Or nay. Whichever you prefer. (Name that blogger). I did celebrate Halloween as a child at Awana. I dressed up as Miss America. It was a great costume, but the heels tended to interfere with the althletic portions of the evening.

3. Can you respect someone you do not trust, and can you trust someone you do not respect?

There are some people that I can trust to let me down so in those cases I would say I can trust them but not respect them. There are also times where I do not respect or trust the person, but I would respect the authority of their title or position. i.e. the President. Not that I'm trying to get political, or anything.

4. Apples or oranges? Yes, you have to choose.

I'm gonna go with apples because they've got that whole caramel thing going on right now.

5. What is something you wish was in your town? (shop, restaurant, attraction, etc)

Charming Charlie's is one of my new favorite stores. It's in Orlando, but not in my town, which is a suburb. I wish the store were in my town because I think I would live there. Imagine jewelry, purses, scarves, accessories, shoes, etc., in one huge store, all arranged according to color. Now don't you wish you had one in your town too?

6. What non-food item is in your refrigerator or freezer?

We have occasional science experiments in there, both because I need to clean out the fridge and also because the boys sometimes attempt a few experiments of their own.

7. Are you at all superstitious?

The dictionary says that superstition is an irrational fear of what is unknown or mysterious, especially in connection with religion. Since that is the case, I am definitely not superstitious because I don't have a religion--I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And although there are things that I don't know or understand, I know He's in control, and that's enough for me.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
In addition to science experiments, I also have my injectible medication in the refrigerator. What, I didn't mention the daily injections I now have to take? Hmmm, guess that'll be a blog post this week!

Female Hunting

2011-10-21T11:11:00.001-04:00

From the title of this post, you might think that I am going to write about hunting females.

You would be wrong.

Earlier this month, this wonderful man that I've been married to for twenty-five and a half years left on a two-week hunting trip to Wyoming. This trip had been planned for over a year, and Indiana was very excited about it. He and the group he was going with planned on camping out up in the mountains, and Indiana filled many an hour with collecting and packing all the supplies he would need for this testosterone-filled adventure.

I have not gone hunting for wild game, but I've been married long enough to a hunter that I know the rules. Even if they have cell phone service (and they didn't in the mountains) they will not have the sound on because it could startle the deer. Indiana won't even turn his phone to vibrate, because the sudden movement could surprise him, and he could end up falling out of his tree stand. Or worse yet (in his mind) his sudden movement could scare away his prey.

So when Indiana took off on his epic journey, I knew that there would be limited contact for the next two weeks. And being seven or eight states away, there wasn't much he could help me with anyway.

I, the dutiful wife, stayed home with our six children. Yes, one of them is married and another one is an adult, but they will still always need their mother. During the two weeks he was gone, I went to work everyday and also homeschooled our four boys because I'm multi-talented that way.

Stephanie and Luke painted the stairway, and the wall that looks so dingy behind Terry in the picture is now a glowing golden color that looks really good with my fall decorations. Steph and Luke also pressure-washed the outside of the house and the driveway, and we spent two days tracking and killing one of these spiders that was loose in my bedroom. By "we", I mean Luke tracked and killed it while Stephanie and I alternately issued orders, screamed in panic and cheered Luke on.

Note: I slept in Steph's room until the spider was killed and removed from the house.

All of this was done without consulting Indiana. He knew nothing of any of these happenings until he returned from the wilds of Wyoming--with two antelope and two deer, by the way. (He would not be happy if I didn't point that out.)

The day after he returned, Stephanie and I made a trip to our old home in Alabama. We stayed with friends and engaged in a great deal of female hunting: bargain shopping at a variety of places, including thrift stores and Catos. (I love that place!) I did have cell phone service the entire time we were gone, though, and Indiana took full advantage of that fact.

While we were in one store, he called to ask me about ordering airline tickets online. He wanted me to talk him through the process screen-by-screen, but I am not tech support. I finally suggested that he leave it to me and I would order the tickets later that day when I had access to a computer.

When we were in the second store, Indiana called again to ask if I'd ordered the tickets yet. I reminded him that I wouldn't be at a computer until after supper. Then he said he'd figured it out, but he still ended up wanting me to talk him through some of the steps. He finally hit the point of agreeing that he should wait and let me do it.

I should mention that Indiana orders stuff online all the time. But never airline tickets. To the best of my knowledge, I've always arranged any travel details when flying is involved.

Through two more stores and the start of dinner at Olive Garden with friends, Indiana texted me with details of what he wanted for the airline tickets. I texted back that this was why I needed an ipad. Then I could have taken care of the tickets as soon as he called me. That comment stopped any further texts and calls, and I made the airline reservations as soon as I got to a computer.

The following day I was visiting with friends when Indiana called again. Apparently there was some discrepancy between the price he had seen online and the actual price I paid for the tickets. Multiple calls and texts later, I finally figured out that the airline had charged me for flight insurance that I had not asked for. Multiple calls and a long hold time later, the money was reimbursed to our account.

The next day, our last before traveling home, Stephanie and I were on our way to a meeting when Indiana texted me to ask if I could order pizza for them.

Yes, I was two states away.

Yes, he was serious.

Rather than argue the insanity of the request, I simply asked what they wanted, and then used the app on my phone to order it. Then I texted the price and pick up time back to him.

It was just easier that way.

I'm thinking that next time I go on a trip, I need to turn my phone off when I engage in female hunting. After all, the sound of the ringer could scare away the sales.

Or I could get startled and fall out of the checkout line. What do you think?

The World Series of Hodgepodges

2011-10-19T00:22:00.000-04:00

Not really, but hey, it's still a hodgepodge, and it's still fun. Come on in; the water's fine!

1. How do you typically react in a sudden, extreme, pressure-filled crisis? Would we want you nearby in an emergency?

Hey, everyone would want me around in an emergency! I've had lots of experience with them--married to Indiana Jones and mother to five boys--and I know just what to do.

First, squelch all instincts to scream in panic. Lower your voice and slow your speech. While in reality you are near hyperventilating, this move will cause those around you to believe you are in complete control.

Second, call someone. Don't call 911 or some sort of medical personnel because that's too predictable. Instead call your spouse, call a friend--someone to whom you can describe the situation and get their input and opinion. This is a very important step because, if your response turns out to be wrong, you have someone else to blame.

Third, speak in big words and convey meanings through dramatic speech patterns. For instance, if your child broke his arm, don't say he broke his arm. That will cause him to panic. Instead, discuss the break and the swelling by referring to the enlargement and displacement of the area.

And finally, when the crisis is past, find some place to be alone. Curl up in a fetal position and alternate between sobbing uncontrollably and eating chocolate. I must warn you, though, that this final step is often interrupted by another crisis. At least it is in my house.

2. Caramel apple-caramel sundae-caramel corn-caramel macchiato...of the four, which caramel treat would you choose?

Well I like caramel apples, but I don't like the stupid little circles of caramel that are never big enough to cover the apple. They also tear whenever you try to stretch them. I also don't like attempting to use little caramel squares that are melted so that you can dip your apples in them and coat them. In the first place, unwrapping all those little squares is way more work than it should be, and usually someone's eaten through half the caramels by the time I get around to making the apples, so I never have enough. Except I never realize that until I've already unwrapped all the ones that are left.

Obviously I have issues.

3. Is there such a thing as destiny? Explain.

Yes and no. Destiny is a Marvel Comics cartoon character, known as an adversary of the X-men. Real and yet, not so much.

4. What's your favorite piece of furniture? I'm referring to something currently in your possession as opposed to something on your wish list.

I like my kitchen table. When we bought it, the salesman explained that it was made of distressed wood. Knowing that, I didn't mind so much when our six children stressed it out for real.

5. Wednesday night marks the start of the 2011 Baseball World Series. Did you know? Do you care? Will you be watching? Ever been to a professional baseball game? If you're not an American do you find the title 'World Series' annoying or amusing?

This looks like way more than one question to me. At any rate, I was born and raised a Cubs fan. That means I have no interest in the World Series, and I'm not even sure what it is.

6. A sound that takes me back to my childhood is____________.

The sound of a dishwasher running. Call me crazy, but that blessed sound meant I didn't have to do dishes anymore. Except for everything that didn't fit in the dishwasher. Which, come to think of it, was quite a lot. Okay, now I'm nostalgic and bitter.

7. On average, once you've linked your hodgepodge post to mine how many other participant blogs do you visit? Do you ever come back to the Hodgepodge later in the day or even the day after to read posts?

I don't think I want to answer this question because this is the first time in a month that I've participated in the Hodgepodge and my lack of activity for the past four weeks is sure to skewer my averages. But let me assure you that I'm going to visit as many as possible tomorrow (today) and I will admire every jeweled word. Seriously. Every. Word. Feel better?

8. Insert your own random thought here.

What's the difference between male hunting and female hunting? Male hunting involves weapons and wildlife, sitting out in the elements without moving a muscle for hours at a time, peeing out of doors and not bathing regularly for several days in a row. Female hunting involves malls, credit cards, sales and bargains and lunch out with a couple of friends. Now seriously, which one would you want to participate in?

Me too.

I've Been Working on the Railroad

2011-10-17T10:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I haven't really been working on the railroad, but I have been working on the blog. You will probably see occasional changes in the next few weeks as I try to decide what I like and what I don't. Feel free to weigh in with your own opinions and suggestions. After all, design is not my strong suit.

In the meantime, I hope to get back to regular blogging soon. I tried to wait until my life settled down, but obviously that's not happening so I might as well share life with you.

Let me know what you think of my new look!

The Cliched Hodgepodge

2011-09-21T10:38:00.000-04:00

Okay, someone has commented recently that all I ever post on is the Hodgepodge. So I searched through my archives and discovered--they're right! What can I say, I love the Hodgepodge! It's addictive and I find it kind of like a traffic accident--it's impossible to look away. So join the fun. Click on the link and dive into the world of Hodgepodge. But I'm warning you, it's addictive!

1. Do you like chili? Red or white? Beans or no beans? Spice or no spice? Toppings?

Yes, I do. But I don't necessarily like the thickness in the air after my boys eat chili.

2. Red~Orange~Gold...your favorite fall color?

Yes, as a matter of fact they are my favorites!

3. Who did you idolize when you were growing up?

No idols--I'm Baptist. : )

4. When was the last time you did something 'arts and craftsy'? Share please.

Obviously I don't attempt artsy-craftsy things often. And this is why: recently I decided to make cupcakes to use as an object lesson in our Patch the Pirate Club with the kids at our church. The lesson called for the children to read different verses from the Bible that talked about benefits when we're saved. Things like a home in heaven and eternal life. I was going to put the Bible references on the cupcakes using decorator frosting. Then the kids were going to have to identify the truth in the verse before taking that cupcake. Only I got cookie decorator frosting instead of cake decorator frosting. It was really runny. And I tend to write big. There wasn't room on the cupcakes for an entire Bible reference. I was getting desperate, especially since we were already at the church and I was in the kitchen trying to decorate them while the kids were having game time in the other room. I finally ended up having to simply write one letter on each cupcake. F or forgiveness, H for heaven, etc. It turned out rather lame and the kids kept staring at me like, "this is it?"

The cupcakes were good.

5. What's a place that makes you really nervous?

The kitchen.

6. Horse back riding...yay or nay (neigh?)

I don't mind it, but I'm not sure the horse is too thrilled.

7. What is your favorite cliche?

In writing, cliches are definite no-no's. I've learned to avoid them like the plague. I'm so attuned to them that I can spot them a mile away. Truly, they stand out like a sore thumb. When I come across one that's worked its way into my writing, I drop it like a hot potato. In fact, once you get out of the habit of using cliches, it's as easy as pie to stop. Oh sure, some people have to make a last ditch effort, but you know it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, and you can keep trying to weed cliches out of your vocabulary until the cows come home.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

It would be very easy to take the easy way out and wrap things up. But if you keep your fingers crossed and if hope springs eternal, then eventually we'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may be grasping at staws, but stick a fork in me 'cause I'm done!

The Hodgepodge Where I Can't Get the Picture to Show

2011-09-14T13:28:00.006-04:00

For some stupid reason I can't get the Hodgepodge picture to show correctly on my post. And I can't get my signature to show correctly either. After messing with it for quite a while, I decided those two items aren't the most important part of this anyway. You know what to do with the Hodgepodge. So read along and then go to Joyce's blog to play for yourself. But leave a comment first. I'm demanding that way.
1. What do you do at the first sign of a cold? Will you get a flu shot this year?
Wipe someone's nose. I'm not usually the first in the family to get a cold, but my kids have always been generous with their germs.

2. What advice can you give about how to conquer fear?
This is not a good question for me. I'm perfectly content to cower in a closet with a blanket over my head.

3. Share two good things about your life right now.

My daughter is back home! And, my daughter is back home! That's worth two of any other good thing there is!

4. A hot fall fashion trend in 2011 is a return to sixties style...tunics with pants, shift dresses, pencil skirts, cinched waists, bold prints, high necklines and short lengths to name a few. How does this fashion trend fit with your wardrobe and personal sense of style?
When it comes to matching up these trends and my own style (or shape) I have four little words: I don't think so!

5. Were you involved in scouting as a kid? How about as an adult?
I always try to be prepared. Does that count?

6. Apple, pear, plum, pumpkin...your favorite fall flavor?
I think if we added one more flavor, we could have a substitute that we could sing to the spice song: "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...". I like apple cinnamon, by the way.

7. What characteristics do you think are essential in a good teacher?

Knowing something about your subject. I'm always amazed by people who try to teach what they don't know. But we don't usually call them teachers. We call them know-it-alls.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Did I mention that my daughter is back home? Can you tell I'm a little excited about that? She left over three years ago, and we've had precious little contact with her since then. But Saturday night she called and said she wanted to come home if we would come get her. We left within the hour and, about 26 hours of driving later, Stephanie is HOME! : )

2011-09-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

1. What is one piece of advice you would give a 'just turning' 21- year old adult?
Just because you're old enough to do it doesn't mean you should do it.

2. Besides cooler weather (or warmer weather, depending on your hemisphere) what is one thing you are looking forward to this fall?
Getting my fall cleaning done. Of course, I'm also looking forward to my boys suddenly becoming neat and organized and getting all their schoolwork and chores done on time. Hey, if one miracle can happen, why can't the other?

3. What sound lulls you to sleep?
The rattling of the pills in the Melatonin bottle just before I take them.

4. September is National Preparedness Month...does your family have an emergency 'kit' and/or disaster plan in place?
We're well-prepared for emergencies because we have them all the time. See the last question.

5. How has your blog changed since you started blogging? Or has it?
I write fewer posts, but that's not on purpose. I need to change the look, but I can't decide how I want to go about doing that. And I'm afraid to start because then I'd probably be "under construction" through most of 2012.

6. What's something you've recently learned to do on the computer?
I refuse to learn anything else computer-wise until I get an ipad. I think I'm going to be technologically deficient for quite a while!

7. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.
I really don't think I could explain this picture in less than a thousand words. Can you?

8. Insert your own random here.
I'll leave you with pictures from our latest emergency:

Joel needing stitches. (The dog got carried away when they were wrestling.)

Joel with stitches.

Joel five days later. Stitches are out, and he's healing nicely.

Another Hodgepodge

2011-08-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

You know what to do, so why are you reading this? Get down to the questions and answers!

1. What is something that bothers you if it's not done perfectly?
Life. What can I say? I have high expectations.

2. Do you think a 6th sense exists? Explain.
It must. How else can I know the very instant my children get into trouble?

3. Do you say your goodbyes slowly, quickly, or not at all?
That depends on how eager I am to leave.

4. On a scale of 1-10, with ten being hot hot hot, what level of spice do you like in your food? What's your favorite 'spicy' dish?
I'm probably a six or a seven. I like a little spice in my food, but I don't like hot just for hot's sake. And as always, my favorite dish is the one someone else makes!

5. What is one of your all time favorite commercial jingles?
It's not actually a jingle, but I like this one.

6. Plane, train, boat or auto...your preferred method of travel?
I don't know, but whatever I travel in I want it to be first class!

7. What is something you take for granted?
That the Hodgepodge will always be there. : )

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I have a lot of apps to organize my time. I think I need an app for organizing my apps.

The 39th Hodgepodge ...

2011-08-10T13:42:00.000-04:00

... but who's counting?! I just know it's lots of fun. Click on the link and see everyone's answers to this week's questions--after commenting on mine, of course!

1. If you could work for any one government agency which would you choose and why?
Okay, I read through the entire list of governmental agencies from the link that Joyce provided. And I've come to the conclusion that I want to work for the agency that manages all the agencies. Because there seems to be a lot of redundancy, inefficiency and overlapping in all these various departments, agencies and commissions. I think I could whittle that list down to size.

Getting people to actually complete their list of duties? That's a whole other issue.

2. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?
It's not hard at all! I keep telling them I forgive them, and that eventually gets under their skin so much that they apologize just to get me off their back. : )

3. What is your favorite meatless supper?
I'm sorry! You lost me at "meatless".

4. Wednesday August 10th is National Lazy Day...will you be celebrating? If so, tell us how so we can be lazy too.
I can't celebrate. I was lazy once, earlier this year, and I'm still paying for it.

5. As a child did you have any special back to school traditions and if so, what were they? If you're a parent did you carry on those traditions with your own children?
Early in my grade school career, I panicked through those beginning school days, and eventually ended up trying to run away from school (usually during recess) and head home. The teacher always caught me, and I didn't know the way home anyhow. I didn't pass this tradition on to my children because we homeschool. There's nowhere else to run. : )

6. Write a summer tongue twister.
Sweating, shade-less on the sandy seashore,
I bask in the balmy breeze off the brine.

7. Would you be interested in observing a surgery or do you turn away when the nurse brings out the needle?
That depends on the patient. There are some people that I might enjoy seeing going under the knife.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Indiana read my blog yesterday (something he rarely does) and then went out and bought a bigger trap for our yard invaders. He has declared all out war, especially since the clever rodents spread garbage all over our front lawn before taking their pilfered meal and eating it in the driveway under our van. The boys caught a possum last night, making the count so far Boyds: 2; Clever Scavengers: 1,000.

Boyd vs. Beast

2011-08-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

For the past several months, I have been watching a growing battle with a great deal of amusement and some exasperation. And since I enjoy making fun of my life full of guys, I thought I would share this situation with you.

We live in a typical Florida subdivision. By this I mean that we live with rows of houses built way to close because that makes them less vulnerable in hurricanes. And we belong to an HOA, which means we pay money to have total strangers tell us that our garbage cans were left out too long or we have weeds in our cracks. For that kind if information, you'd think they'd at least take us to dinner first, but whatever.

Although we have quite a lot of neighbors around, we do have conservation land behind our house, meaning there's a small area of woods there. And occasionally, we have critters that come out of those woods to pay us a visit. Critters like this raccoon:

and this possum:

Please note, these pictures are mere representations of the creatures that invaded our yard. The actual creatures were not cooperative about being photographed.

When the boys actually remembered to put our garbage cans in back of the house after trash pick-up, these friendly little visitors would dig through the cans, eat whatever they thought was worthy, and then fling the rest of the garbage all over our backyard.

At first my mighty hunters wanted to open an upstairs window and wait for the marauders. But since that let the air conditioning out and the heat, humidity and bugs in, I squashed that idea. So then my main hunter, Indiana Jones himself, bought a trap to use in catching these little garbage thieves.

This is not the actual trap, because it also refused to cooperate with photographs. But it's a pretty close imitation.

So all of my guys got involved with "baiting" the trap--meaning putting a little good-tasting(?) garbage inside it--and trying to catch the beasts that were invading our garbage.

The first morning they all tore down the stairs and went to see if they had caught anything. The bait was gone, and the trap was twisted and stretched. Apparently they caught something that proceeded to rip the trap apart in its effort to get away. Were we trying to catch a raccoon or a miniature Mighty Joe Young?

Nothing daunted, Indiana repaired the trap and reinforced it to withstand the incredible strength of our creature. To the boys' disappointment, they discovered the next morning that the creature had used the trap as a stepping stool, climbing up on top of it in order to reach into our garbage can.

This was one smart critter.

They moved the trap further away from the garbage can and continued their pursuit. They ended up baiting the trap multiple times a day, and nearly tearing their hair out as they tried to discover how the creature was getting the bait but not springing the trap.

I maintained that they were clearly teaching the critter where to come for his food, and that by now, all his little buddies were hearing about the saps that lived in the corner house as well. In short, I was pretty sure we were probably attracting more creatures than ever before. Not to mention the neighborhood dogs.

No one listened to my nay-saying, and their efforts to catch this clever little bandit redoubled. Finally one night this past week, they sat up in the family room until almost 1:30 in the morning, alternately watching a movie and listening for sounds in the backyard. When they heard the trap, all of them raced to the window like a distorted version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. (I opted for the sensible choice of going to bed over waiting for our friendly neighborhood rodent to make an appearance.)

My hunters were greeted by an amazing sight: a possum had indeed gone for the bait and sprung the trap. But there was also a raccoon out there. Apparently, the raccoon had opened the trap door and let the possum back out. When my guys appeared, the two crafty burglars took off for the woods.

When I heard about these two escapees from the Wonderful World of Disney, I hinted that perhaps the jig was up and they should quit feeding the wild animals. But with true grace, Indiana acknowledged the intelligence of his foe and observed that this battle was just now getting interesting.

So how did these two scavengers figure out the trap? Obviously, they found the discarded instruction manual in our garbage cans, of course!

Singing the Hodgepodge Praises

2011-08-03T11:13:00.000-04:00

You know what day it is. You know what to do. Read. Comment. Click. Repeat. Enjoy!

1. Share a favorite song lyric.
I would never say I can't think of one because I wouldn't want to get an "F", : ) but although I've appreciated many a well-turned musical phrase, I can't currently locate a favorite in the deep recesses of my mind. However, I am a big fan of words, and I do have a favorite phrase to share with you, even though it didn't come from a song. In a book I was reading, a laid-back country boy announced that he was "imminently cognizant of the grammatical parameters." You'd be amazed how often I manage to work that phrase into a conversation!

2. When was the last time someone yelled at you?
I haven't been yelled at, but I have been insulted. At work this week when I offered to take a message, the caller said he'd rather leave the message with a real person, but if none was available he guessed he'd leave it with me. I have promised my co-workers that, in the future, I will try to act more like a real person.

3. Money, fame, happiness...are they mutually exclusive?
Only if you see money and fame as a means of achieving happiness.

4. What is your favorite dish to prepare for family and friends that doesn't require turning on the stove, oven or an outdoor grill?
Ice, of course! (It's my specialty.)

5. The first week of August is National Simplify Your Life Week. What is one thing you could do this week to simplify your life? Hire a maid and a cook. Will you do it? Probably not.

6. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being 100% and 1 being not at all) how tuned in are you to your country's national political scene?
Let's just say I'm more in tune with the political scene than the politicians apparently are with the will of the people. A condition I hope can be rectified during the next election cycle.

7. What are your final parting words to the month of July?
I don't usually speak to months since they never speak to me.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I do, however, occasionally speak to our pets, uncooperative inanimate objects (the copier), and people who obviously flunked drivers' education and yet happen to be operating a vehicle directly in front of me.

You Can Go Home Again

2011-07-28T14:15:00.000-04:00

After Matt and Kylee's wedding, we traveled even further north than we already were in order to spend a week with my in-laws. We figured as long as we'd already crossed over half the country, we might as well drive the rest of the way, you know?

Some of you may be familiar with Taylor, who is The Lumberjack's Wife. She writes a very funny blog about her life in Ruralville. In fact, you might want to go say hi to her as she has not been out of Ruralville in a week.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Okay. The reason I brought up Taylor is because of Ruralville. My in-laws (who live nowhere near Taylor, by the way) live in the Super Boonies. You've heard of the Boondocks? And possibly the Boonies? Well, travel three days and a couple of hours beyond that, and you'll reach the Super Boonies. They make Ruralville look positively cosmopolitan. How do I know? Because my phone service quit about a half hour before we got to their house. And they have internet, but it's dial-up. Dial up, people. Meaning they can't get phone calls if they're surfing the web. And you can't really surf anyway. It's more like paddling around slowly with a broken oar. That's the Super Boonies.

I freely admit it's a beautiful place. We see sights like this as we drive up there.

And sights like this are fairly common.

And this.

It's a very restful place. At least, it is once you get there. My in-laws live here year round now, but when Terry was growing up, this is where they spent their vacations. And the closer we got to their home, the more the old instincts kicked in.

For that last hour or so of the trip up there, we were traveling on roads that looked something like this. Sort of paved, but not really. And with absolutely no line down the center. It can be a pretty drive during the day, but it doesn't do a thing for me at night. Part of the reason for that is because, once we get to these roads, Indiana Jones insists on driving down the center of the road.

Since I was raised to drive on the right hand side, this bugs me.

Indiana insists it's because of the deer. Occasionally, a deer will wander out of the forest and meander--or leap, or run or something--across the roads. If you're driving down the middle of the road, then you have time to react, no matter which side of the forest the deer comes out of.

Okay. I suppose that makes sense in a theoretical kind of way. But I had a few issues with his reasoning. He wasn't an eighteen-year-old kid driving a little Nova or a motorcycle. He was driving a 12-passenger diesel van full of kids. And we were pulling a large trailer behind us. The noise alone probably scared away every deer for a thirty mile radius.

If that weren't enough, we weren't meandering along those roads ourselves. The closer we got to the "old homestead" the more lead he got in his foot. I don't think we would have had time to see a deer coming out of the woods anyway. Not to mention, it was 11:00 at night.

But my biggest worry was not with what was coming out of the woods. No, my biggest fear was what else was flying along the roads that night. There isn't a lot of traffic up there. Ever. What traffic there is, tends to go fast. Almost as fast as we were going. A deer jumping out from the side of the road might cause some damage, but what about the head on collision we were begging to find?

Indiana did not appreciate my questioning his logic. So I swallowed my thoughts and clutched the arm of the seat as we rocketed through the night. At one point one of the boys asked about the strange light in the sky over the hill ahead of us.

"That would be headlights," I answered in a tight voice. "Heading straight for us."

"I can see them in time!" No one likes a backseat driver. He liked even less when I implied that they might not see us in time.

At one point I saw a sign just as we whipped past it. It indicated that F-30 veered to the right. We continued straight. I cleared my throat and then asked if we were going a different way than usual. He didn't see the sign, but I finally convinced him that we were headed the wrong way. Then I sat with my eyes closed as he attempted to use a fire lane to turn around.

Fire lanes aren't that big anyway. And this one was situated on a curve in the road.

Did I mention we were pulling a trailer? Or that there was a ditch on the other side? As he grunted and maneuvered, I prayed that we wouldn't see that telltale glow that signaled fast-approaching headlights sweeping around the curve.

We finally got headed back in the right direction, although he never did thank me for spotting the turn and preventing us from driving around in Huron National Forest for the rest of the night.

We were about half a mile from the in-laws when we passed a sign like this.

Since gravel and dust had been flying fast and furious for the better part of an hour, I thought the Department of Transportation was a little late in noticing where the paved road ended, but whatever.

And finally, after traveling down Bean Hill Road and Procunier (no, that's not Peculiar), we turned down the road that's one letter away from being named after a prophylactic. One turn more and then we arrived.

In spite of being a little tense, what with the no cell phone service and all, we did have a great time. We rode ATV's through the woods, the boys went fishing, we went biking until my father-in-law casually mentioned that they'd had problems with bears lately, we went on walks (close to the house) and relaxed. One day I even took the boys the 45 minute ride to town, where I sat in a chair on the beach while they spent three hours playing in Lake Huron. It was cold enough that I eventually wrapped up in a towel, but not before getting blistered beyond belief. Who knew you could burn when you were that cold? Indiana said I got freezer burn.

Clever guy.

A week later we packed up, said our good-byes and headed back to civilization.

Down the middle of the road, of course.

Ice Cream on the Hodgepodge

2011-07-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

On this hot and sticky last Wednesday in July, take a few minutes to cool off and enjoy the Hodgepodge. You know the drill: seven questions and a random thought. Read my answers, laugh or nod thoughtfully in the appropriate places, leave a comment and then click on this link:

1. July is National Ice Cream month...your favorite flavor? Soft served, hand dipped, or frozen yogurt...which do you prefer? And technically yogurt is not ice cream but its hot outside so I'll let that slide for today.
I like fudge nut brownie because what could be better than chocolate ice cream with chunks of other good chocolate things inside it? And I like hand dipped because those chunks don't come out too well in a soft serve. : )

2. When you travel do you tend to pack too much or too little?
That would depend on who you ask. As far as I'm concerned, I pack what I need, and I need to be able to make choices each day concerning what I want to wear and what shoes I will wear to go with that outfit. And, yes, I usually end up paying to check luggage when I fly. To me it's worth it.

3. What's your favorite cleaning product?
One that comes with a maid who uses it.

4. Which is the greater tragedy-an innocent person imprisoned or a guilty person set free? Explain.
Well I think it's probably an innocent person imprisoned. My reasoning? A guilty person will probably repeat the offense, and they're less likely to slip through next time. Of course if the guilty person is guilty of murder, then you've got the whole how-many-more-people-will-they-kill-before-they're-caught thing, which really complicates matters. This whole question is too complicated. I don't want to think that hard.

5. What's the longest trip you've taken by car?
Any trip traveling with my boys, who happen to think that flatulence is a competitive sport, is a long trip.

6. tennis-golf-canoeing-biking...pick one.
Pick one to what? Watch? Participate in? Compete in? My answers would probably be different for each request. And I'm not going to give them to you because that would be more than one answer, and I'm only doing seven today.

7. What sound drives you crazy?
"Mom, what's for dinner?"

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I wanted to have something really good for this week, so I paid close attention to my thoughts all week. And wouldn't you know it? I didn't have a random thought at all! Now how fair is that? (Perhaps your random thought while reading this is that I have no life?)

Guesting On another Blog

2011-07-25T17:03:00.000-04:00

Today I'm guest posting for FringeGirl on her blog The Domestic Fringe. I first noticed FringeGirl because her bio said that she liked M&M's. That's a pretty good indication of character right there. Then I started reading her blog and found out she was funny.

Did I mention I like funny?

She also has some great insights and lots of times I learn something new when I visit her corner of the blogosphere.

FringeGirl is running a series on Summer Days, and I get to share a Summer Funny. So head on over to The Domestic Fringe, and find out why jiggling is not allowed.

Oh! And leave a comment, even if you don't usually leave a comment when you read my blog. For one thing, her blog is more user-friendly, and it's easier to leave a comment. Plus, that way she won't think that she asked a complete loser to guest post for her. Thanks!

The Hodgepodge!

2011-07-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's right. Smack in the middle of a hot summer week, can't know for sure if you're even going to make it, and suddenly you find the Hodgepodge. It's like a breath of fresh air. Like a cool summer breeze. Like a tall glass of ice lemonade. Like a--well, you get the picture. Sure you do, because it's right here. And it's not just a picture, it's a link. So click on it and see what everyone has to say in answer to this week's seven questions and a random thought. But wait! You've got to read my answers first! It's only fair since you're already here. And then you really should leave a comment. Then you can click on the link. You won't regret it, I promise!

1. July 20th marks the anniversary of the first time man stood on the moon. Flash forward 42 years to July 8, 2011 which marked the start of the final Space Shuttle mission. Should we continue to explore space? Should nations devote more or fewer of their resources to exploring space? Would you want to go into space if the opportunity arose?
Well if everybody else is doing it, then we should too. Wait a minute! That sounded an awful lot like a very lame teenage argument. As for going into space--not me! I don't look good in a space suit.

2. What are three things in your freezer?
The white frosty stuff that builds up on the sides. Diet ice cream bars. Real ice cream bars. Guess which ones last longer. : )

3. If you could see any band/artist perform live tonite who would it be? It has to be someone living...no Beatles, Elvis, etc.
Well since we have prayer meeting tonight, it'd have to be someone who would show up at our service. Patch the Pirate?

4. Ice-cubed or crushed? Or are you one of those people who don't like ice?
I like the crushed that comes out of our refrigerator, except it sprays all over the place and very little gets in the cup. And it melts too fast. I'm not sure I trust people who don't like ice. There's something unnatural about that.

5. The owner of a small restaurant outside of Pittsburgh recently announced he was banning children under six, saying they regularly disrupted other customer's meals. You can read the story in more detail here but isn't this a perfect topic to discuss in our Wednesday Hodgepodge? Have at it friends...what are your thoughts?
If I want shouting and turmoil while I eat, I'll go to Chuckie Cheese.

6. What was your first car? How did it come to be yours?
My first car was a 1973 yellow Vega which I bought from my sister when she went to college. That car hated me. It died regularly, mostly in the middle of busy intersections, and could be counted on to quit running just when I needed it most.

7. If I had a nickle for every time I said "that's inappropriate" to my boys, I'd be rich.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I have millions of random thoughts throughout the week, and many of them are hysterically funny. Unfortunately, they all vanish as soon as I get to #8 in the Hodgepodge. I think it's a medical condition. Number Eight-itis.

Bedding Down for the Night

2011-07-19T13:23:00.001-04:00

When I was growing up motels were judged by one thing: did they have a pool? We didn't travel much, but we did take a vacation every year, and in my mind, the quality of the motel was directly related to whether or not we got to go swimming while we stayed there.

It's a good thing we weren't picky because my parents' preferences, or at least their wallet, ran towards cheap. With six children, their two requirements for motels was that it be inexpensive and clean. Usually in that order. As I got older, I got a little more discriminating in my tastes, and I often turned my nose up at our accommodations for the night. But who could blame me? Back then Tom Bodette might leave the light on for you, but you didn't get the TV unless you paid extra. I remember once asking my dad if we could splurge and spend the extra buck to get TV for the night. Sarcasm was my gift, even as a teenager.

Now that I'm an adult, my tastes are even more discerning. I've often said that my idea of roughing it (not my favorite thing to do) is staying in a Motel 6. With six children of our own, I want not only cleanliness, but enough room to move around when we all get checked in. There's nothing I hate more than getting all the kids and the luggage wedged into a motel room, and then having to stay wherever you sat down first because there's nowhere else to move without stepping on someone. I also want decent air conditioning in a motel room, and I want a decent bed.

When Indiana and I got married, we had a free-flowing waterbed. Waterbeds were all the rage, and it didn't matter that ours was second hand. We eventually moved on to a "real" bed, and when we did, we upgraded to queen size. From there we moved to a king size bed and finally, a couple of years ago, to a king size sleep-comfort bed with individual remotes so that we can each adjust the firmness on our side of the bed. In addition, our marriage started out with a single pillow for each of us. With each pregnancy I added pillows and when I added them, Indiana did too. I think our bed size had to increase just to accommodate the extra pillows we collected.

I like my bed. I missed my bed these last two weeks while we were traveling. The first night we stopped after midnight and got a suite, which was really a room and a half. It had two queen beds and a pull out sofa that slept two uncomfortably. I was sorely tempted to claim one bed for myself and one for Terry, but I knew that was a little selfish. We shared one bed, and put two of the boys in the next bed. Two more started out on the sofabed, but one quickly decided he prefered the floor, so two slept in the floor and one slept on the sofa. That queen bed seemed awfully small that night. Especially since Terry has a tendency to sleep in the middle of the bed. (He denies this, but it is a fact.)

The house we stayed in for the wedding also had a queen bed, but it seemed smaller. In fact, I think it grew smaller with each passing night. There was a second bedroom with a double bed which the boys took turns sharing. The other three boys rotated, one on the couch and two on the floor.

Stress was keeping me from getting a decent night's sleep that week, and by the night before the wedding, each of us tossed and turned, both blaming the other's restlessness for keeping each other awake. With the boys scattered over the living room, we didn't even have the option of taking to the couch. Once again I strongly considered commandeering a bed all to myself, but once again I resisted the urge.

After the wedding we traveled many hours further north to spend a week at my in-laws. There we shared a double bed.

A very narrow double bed.

It was rather warm that week, so we kept a window open and a fan blowing, but some nights it seemed impossible to sleep. Most turning over had to be done in unison for fear of knocking each other off the bed and on the floor. When Indiana complained that he felt like he was on the edge of the bed all the time, I pointed out that I had done my part--after all, I had lost over 60 pounds. There certainly was more room in that bed than there had been the last time we visited. (And he was more in the middle than he realized. I was on the edge!)

We took three days traveling home from the in-laws. Our last night in a motel, I found a great deal on an actual two-room suite. It had a king-size bed and a pullout sofa bed. I looked forward to that bed most of the day as we drove. I didn't care that two of the boys needed to sleep in the floor. It was a sacrifice I was willing for them to make, so that I could get a decent night's sleep. And I would have, too, if I hadn't been taking care of Nicky's sunburn most of the night.

Our plan had been to drive each day until we felt like stopping. We did not want to stick to a schedule or force ourselves to cover a certain amount of territory each day. But that final day on the road was a long one. It really should have taken two days, but we pushed the driving, covering North and South Carolina, Georgia and half of Florida, finally arriving home around midnight. As tired as we were, we couldn't stop because each passing mile brough us closer to our goal: a night in our own bed. The trip had been fun, but suddenly nothing was so important as getting a decent night's sleep. And apparently, that couldn't be done until we were home.

That last exhausting day of travel was so worth it. I was sound asleep almost as soon as I sank into my own bed in my own room, and both of us slept soundly all night long.

And don't feel too sorry for the boys for having to sleep on the floor that last night. The motel had color TV and a pool. What more could a kid want?

The Day Started with Blood

2011-07-14T13:06:00.003-04:00

Some things about weddings are a given. For instance, typically there's not a whole lot that's required of the mother of the groom. I didn't have to get deeply involved in invitation choices or cake designs. In the months leading up to the wedding I was not up to my elbows in flower arrangements or caterer discussions. I considered all this to be a good thing. Kylee kept me in the loop by sending me pictures and info so that I had all the details any woman craves without having to do any of the work. Win-win.

The only thing I had to worry about, other than the rehearsal dinner, was getting my six guys to the wedding on time and appropriately dressed. One would think that, with a group like this, that would be an easy task.

One would be wrong.

Sure, four of them are wearing rented tuxes. And then the other two had new suits. Dressing guys is not the problem. Getting them there in one piece is.

I banned airsoft guns two weeks before the wedding so we wouldn't have unsightly welts across their faces. (For those of you that don't know, airsoft guns are the newer, more powerful versions of BB guns.)

I supervised teeth whitening and professional haircuts. I instructed them in wedding etiquette and proper actions while in semi-formal attire.

Clearly we should have spent a little more time in that area.

The wedding was scheduled for 6:30 in the evening. That morning I instructed the boys that we were going to be very low-key that day. We were going to space our showers out throughout the day (all seven of us put a strain on the water pressure abilities of the little house where we were staying.) We would need to start getting ready at 3:00 for the 4:00 p.m. photography call. "Don't even work up a big sweat," I ordered. No easy task when it was 95 degrees outside, but they all agreed to my demands.

I went to take my own shower, but was interrupted a few minutes later by a knock on the door. "Are you almost done?" Luke asked.

I told him I had just gotten in there and was going to take a shower.

"Oh." Pause. "Is there a bandaid in there?"

"They're in the medical kit in my room."

"Okay." Pause. "I'm gonna need a lot of them."

I threw my robe on and tore out of the bathroom to find my seventeen year old son standing in the kitchen with his hand covered in blood. Seems he'd been riding a bike when a screw came loose and the front wheel folded up underneath him, catapulting him over the handlebars and landing him in the parking lot where he went skidding across the asphalt. As I tried to clean up all the blood in order to get a look at the (many) wounds all over his hand and fingers, he showed me where his forearm had also taken a beating. I gasped and was turning my attention to the new wound when he said, "I hit my chin, too."

I had to look way up (he's four inches taller than I am now) to see that his entire chin was also smeared and dripping in blood.

I hate to admit it, but I'm shallow enough that my first thought was of the wedding pictures.

Luke's hand, fingers and knuckles were covered with open wounds, but none of them were deep. They did have gravel embedded in them, though, as did the huge scrape on his arm. But his chin had a small but deep chunk torn out of it. I had immediate visions of spending the rest of the wedding day sitting in an emergency room, waiting for stitches.

Bedlam erupted for the next few minutes as I tried to clean the wounds, Luke alternately howled at the pain, insisted he did NOT want stitches and speculated on how to fix the bike, Terry tried to inspect the damage and proclaimed that his chin would probably only require one or two stitches (in a tone that said he wasn't sure it was worth the bother if Luke didn't want them anyway) and Matt trying to shake enough sleep from his eyes to figure out why his brother was covered in blood.

Matt finally volunteered that there was a medical professional or two that attended the church, and one of them could probably tend to Luke. Terry took charge, sending me back to the shower and promising to take care of things.

When I finished dressing, I found out that he'd taken care of things by cleaning and bandaging the wounds himself. Luke had two large bandaids criss-crossing on his chin, and another half dozen bandaids weaving their way across the knuckles of his hand. There were still open and oozing wounds on his hand that the bandages hadn't covered.

"What happened to getting an EMT to look at him?" I asked.

It took several minutes of questioning all three of them before I could put it together. Terry was trying to tell Matt not to call someone that was on duty to make a professional call. He wanted Matt to find someone off duty and ask them to stop in as a favor. That made sense to me, but apparently what Matt heard was, "Don't call anyone". When Matt disappeared without getting medical help, and when Luke insisted he didn't want stitches, Terry finally just cleaned and bandaged his son himself.

SIDE NOTE: These guys communicate so well. I hope their communication skills worked a little better when they were having THE TALK before the wedding!

I went and bought some clear bandaids, hoping we could at least tone down the damage for the cameras. We had minimal success, as you can see, but it was definitely better than leaving an open wound.

The open wound came later, since the little bandaids wouldn't stay on very long.

I knew we would have some catastrophe the day of the wedding, but truthfully, I was expecting something from Joel or Nicky. Instead, they seem to do just fine.

In more ways than one.

Getting Back to the Hodgepodge

2011-07-13T17:05:00.000-04:00

1. How has your hometown changed since you were a kid? What has changed most about the neighborhood you grew up in?
I haven't been back to the hometown in over 15 years. I guess the biggest change is that I'm no longer there!

2. What song makes you laugh?
The Veggie Tales' Pirate Song: We are the pirates that don't do anything. My boys burst into the song whenever we're driving somewhere and it cracks me up when they sing that they don't look good in leggings and they've never been to Boston in the fall. Both of which are true, by the way.

3. Are you a fan of Harry Potter? Read the books? Seen any/all of the movies? Will you be standing in line somewhere close to midnight later this week? For those of you playing along today who live outside the US or UK is Harry Potter a phenomenon in your part of the world?
Not a fan and won't be standing in line. The stories are about witchcraft, and I really don't believe Christians have any business dabbling in those for any reason. Particularly not for entertainment. I'm not judging you, but that's how I feel for me and us (meaning our children). I'm not trying to start an argument, but you did ask, and this is my blog. : )

4. If the truth hurts, will you tell a lie? Are we better off as a society in a world that allows no form of deception whatsoever?
I told the truth in the last question. Did it hurt you? : ) Seriously, I don't think it's ever right to lie, but it's not always necessary to blurt out all truths that happen to come to mind either.

The second question is an interesting one, but I think I'm going to stick with the same answer. Lying is not right, but what truths you tell and how, when and where you tell them (and to whom!) can make a huge difference!

5. What is your favorite 'sauteed in garlic and butter' food? Or garlic and olive oil if that makes you feel better.
I like shrimp sauteed that way, and olive oil wouldn't make it any better!

6. Attending any reunions this summer/year? High school? family? Other? Do these events stir up excitement or dread?
No reunions, and that's just fine with me. If you had anything in common with all those people, you'd already have kept contact with them anyway. If you haven't talked to them in twenty years, chances are there's a reason why.

7. Lilac, hydrangea, peony...pick one.
I can't pick just one. If I'm going to pick flowers, I have to pick enough to make a bouquet.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
It's been almost a month since I participated in the Hodgepodge, and I've missed you all!

One Thousand Words

2011-07-11T00:40:00.000-04:00

As a newly minted mother-in-law, I’ve got much to say about all that’s gone on the last two weeks, and I’m sure I’ll be posting about everything much longer than any of you want to read about it, but for now, they say a picture’s worth 1,000 words, so here’s a few thousand for you:

My boys clean up nice, don’t they?

A very beautiful bride …

… in a very beautiful dress!

Twenty-five years doesn’t seem so long ago.

My four “rent-a-sisters”. I could not have gotten through everything without them!

Really, who needs words?

Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Boyd

And forgive me for being selfish, but I think I mentioned a long time ago that this whole thing was supposed to be about the mother-in-law, after all! Here is my favorite picture from the whole event:

There’s a thousand words for ya. Or maybe even fifteen hundred!

On The Road Again

2011-06-28T10:15:00.000-04:00

I've got about 2 seconds before Indiana gets out of the shower and demands that we all get on the road, but I didn't want to leave you all hanging on the state of our trip. (Except for Taylor. I'm not talking to her because she called me Grandma.)

Our van is now well again and has behaved admirably, which is more than I can say for some of the males I'm traveling with. Thank you very much for your prayers.

We didn't leave until late afternoon yesterday, so we didn't get as far as we wanted, and we didn't stop until after midnight. Another long day of driving today, capped by meeting Kylee's family. I'm sure we'll make a good impression after being locked up in a moving vehicle together for two days. Good thing it's too soon for her to back out of the wedding!

NOTES: The inside of the van smelled as much as I thought it would--even though no one played basketball right before we left.

I love my Iphone! It helped me navigate, and it also helped me find a motel after midnight. I would give up a child before I would give up my phone.

After this week, I'd probably give up a child for a lot less.

I forgot. I am giving up a child. He's getting married in three days.

I'm now having a panic attack.

I'm going to go breathe into a paper bag, and then we'll be back on the road.

After we stop at Walmart to pick up a comb because I forgot mine. I have interesting hair today. We also have to get some eyeglasses straightened because of some rough housing in the van yesterday. And I might need to buy more paper bags.

Oops! I heard the shower turn off! Gotta go!

Are We There Yet?! We Haven't Even Started!

2011-06-27T08:27:00.000-04:00

We should have left on the Great Wedding Trip this morning, but obviously we haven't because if we had, I wouldn't be blogging right now. I should be finishing the packing and cleaning so that we can leave, but instead I've taken time out to talk to all of my cyber-buddies.

Aren't you special.

I'm not just procrastinating. We can't leave yet. We've hit a few glitches that we're trying to iron out. Like the fact that the van quit running Saturday night. It's a little hard to drive almost 20 hours when you have no vehicle. And I absolutely refuse to make the trip with Indiana, all five boys and the dog in the pickup truck. I'm obstinate that way.

Don't know what's wrong with the van, but we're hoping to hear from the mechanic today that it can be fixed easily and cheaply. Feel free to join in on our fervent prayers. They'd be much appreciated.

Also, the person who was going to come feed our cats while we're gone bailed on me last night about 11:00. I would be upset except it was a family emergency. So now I'm scrambling to find someone else who would love to may daily treks overs here to take care of Dex and Drizzle. And, no, I'm not taking the cats too. The dog is one pet too many for this trip.

And I keep getting grandma comments from people. What is up with that? I'm going to become a mother-in-law, folks, that's all. Yes, I'm aware of what comes next--I've been-there-done-that a few (okay, six) times, remember?--but it doesn't mean it has to come IMMEDIATELY next. Or anytime soon. Let's not rush things, shall we?

It doesn't help that I'm getting the comments from people not much younger than me. While at a graduation party Saturday, one woman was holding her two-month old nephew. Someone asked if it made her want another. Than the questioner turned to me and said something about "we" (including me) were just waiting for grandchildren. I didn't point it out, but I happen to be two years younger than the aunt, thank you very much!

I hate packing. And yet, it's got to be done before we get on the road. So I've got to go finish in the hopes that we will soon get a call from the mechanic that our van is road-worthy.

Instead of packing, I think I'll go color my hair. Maybe that will take care of the grandma comments for a while. Probably not, but it might help me feel better.

When we get back from this trip, I'm going to need a vacation.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet!

2011-06-22T15:19:00.000-04:00

In case you stop in here occasionally, sigh forlornly and wonder whatever happened to the crazy woman who used to post here, I'm still around. But life is moving at the speed of my title, and try as I might, I just never seem to get over here long enough to post.

The last two weeks have included some wonderful houseguests--between their family and ours, we had eight boys between the ages of 17 and 6 and one two-year-old girl who absolutely ruled over the males.

We also had Vacation Bible School. Our pirate theme was heartily embraced by everyone, and I actually had to discourage some from developing that authentic pirate smell. In this picture, Paul hadn't put together his complete costume yet, which is why he looks normal. Trust me, by the time VBS had rolled around he looked just as swashbuckling as the rest of my rogues. We had 120 on Friday, which is the most we've ever had, and there were 15 who accepted Christ during the week, which makes it all worth it. Plus, Nicky won a bike at graduation on Friday night, and he was given a Bible for memorizing the most Bible verses during the week (fifty-two!). Quite a finish for his last year as a student in VBS.

Indiana and I also had a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary somewhere in all that VBS week, but we hardly had time to notice it. That's okay, though, because we had decided well in advance that we were actually going to celebrate later on in the summer when we really had time to enjoy it. It's just as well because on our actual anniversary he was still sporting his pirate beard, which did not endear himself to me at all! (I have no pictures--they were all uploaded to Matt's computer.)

No sooner was VBS overwith than our attention turned to The Wedding. Only nine days until my oldest son marries the love of his life, and only a few days until we leave to begin our trip to the far north for all the festivities. (Since we live in Florida, just about anyplace is Far North!)

We will see lots of friends at the wedding, but three in particular are traveling there just for me. One is going a great distance because she's the closest I have to a sister, and I can't make it through this major point in my life without her. Plus, she has to sew me into my dress, which is a little big. Don't want it falling off during the ceremony!

Two other friends are traveling all the way from Florida ostensibly to attend the wedding, but really to help me with the rehearsal dinner. Bless their hearts, they know I'm out of my league any time I have to do more than bring the ice. Who knows what we'd be eating if they weren't going to be there! True friends, I tell you!

I'll try to blog occasionally on the trip because I'm sure I'll have much to say. In addition to all the wedding happenings, traveling for several days in a van with Indiana Jones, five sons and a dog with an attitude is enough to give anyone a need for an outlet.

Speaking of friends and blogs, I still visit and read most of yours, but for some reason Blogger has not been allowing me to comment. Either that, or my computer's the guilty party. At any rate, I've not been ignoring you, honestly. I've admired every jeweled word you all have written. I've just not been able to add one tarnished word of my own.

One final note: the week before her wedding, you'd think a girl would be consumed with all of her own details, but my future daughter-in-law has been asking me what I might need her to do before we get there, and if there's anything I'll need help with after we arrive. Kylee's no bridezilla, that's for sure! Definitely a keeper!

Now I just have to finish the fiscal year end stuff at work, finish the packing and the shopping and the wash and the cleaning and the various other ten million details. And then it's--

ROAD TRIP!!

If It Weren't For the Hodgepodge ...

2011-06-08T11:09:00.000-04:00

... I'd probably have no posts at all! Life is just rushing by too fast in these busy days of VBS and pre-wedding and trip-planning. But I am taking a moment to pause for Hodgepodge Identification. Click on the link and come on in. The water's fine!

1. Do you and your family enjoy camping? What do you enjoy most/like the least when it comes to family camping? When was the last time you camped?
My family enjoys camping. They are all boys. They love nothing better than to rough it in the wilderness with not even the basic necessities of life. Now me? I like necessities. And quite a few luxuries as well. My idea of roughing it is staying in a Motel 6.

2. Did you attend a summer camp when you were a kid? Is that a happy or not so happy memory?
No summer camp for me. My two older sisters went one year. I heard horror stories about initiation and decided I was too civilized for that kind of behavior. Plus, I liked luxuries when I was a kid, too. An un-airconditioned cabin shared with many strangers was not my idea of a good time.

3. Over the course of your life, what have you probably spent more time pondering than anything else?
Whether or not I'm doing this thing (life) right or not. I figure I'm running about fifty-fifty.

4. Which of the seven natural wonders of the world would you most like to see? There are many lists of 'wonders' but this is the standard natural wonder list-Mount Everest, The Great Barrier Reef, The Grand Canyon, Victoria Falls, The Harbor of Rio de Janerio, Paricutan Volcano and The Northern Lights.

I've seen the Grand Canyon and the Northern Lights (awesome, both.) I think I'd like to see the Great Barrier Reef and Victoria Falls. I'd like both of those to be part of a terrific vacation package that includes first class travel and five-star accomodations. Hey, I said I like luxuries!

5. What was your first real job?

I worked for an eye doctor who owned a travel agency on the side. I organized airline tickets into numerical order by hand every week, and it wasn't as exciting as it sounds, so don't be jealous.

6. Lemonade or Sweet tea...which do you prefer on a hot summer day?

I do not like iced tea, sweet or not, which is why I can never be a true southerner. (According to a southern friend of mine.) I like lemonade, but I want it fresh squeezed with lots of sweetness, lots of bite and lots if ice. Hmm, kind of like me! : )

7. What is something that always brings a smile to your face?

A comment on my blog. (Not that I'm hinting, or anything.)

8. Insert your own random thought here.

When you say, "It's just that kind of a day," do you usually mean that as a good thing or a bad thing?

A Capital Hodgpodge

2011-06-01T12:45:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't posted in over a week, but if you read one or two of my recent posts, you'd realize why. It's not that I haven't thought of you all and had things to share with you. Like things a future mother-in-law has to do to get ready for a wedding, or telling you the story of Indiana Jones and the critter trap, but those delightful stories will have to wait. Right now I've got to participate in the Hodgepodge. I missed it last week, and I'm going through Hodgepodge withdrawal. So here we are: seven questions and a random thought. Don't forget to comment, because otherwise I would be really sad!

1. Have you ever been to the US capital-Washington DC? If so, what's your favorite site? If not, what would you most like to see on a visit to that city someday in the future? Is it even on your list of places to visit?
I have been to Washington D.C. several times, and I absolutely love it there! The sight I would most like to see would be our elected officials actually accomplishing something worthwhile. (I'm not holding my breath.)

2. When did you last attend a wedding? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? Were you a summer bride? If you're single, is summer the season of your dream wedding?

I never wanted to be a June bride because that was such a cliche. I wanted to be married in the fall. We picked a September date, but then my sister got engaged and picked an August date. She was going to be moving away and could not afford to travel back a month later for our wedding, so my mother asked us to move our wedding date up. Our 25th anniversary is June 14th.

P.S. After we changed our wedding date, my sister and her fiance broke up, and she didn't end up getting married for two more years. Go figure.

3. What is your favorite way to eat strawberries?
Piled between shortcake and coolwhip.

4. What is one thing you are especially looking forward to this summer?
That would be the wedding of one Matthew Boyd to our future daughter-in-law, Kylee. Only four-and-a-half weeks, people!

Not that I'm excited about it, or anything.

5. Do you use/like the self checker at the grocery store?
I liked them. I used them. But we don't have them around here anymore because no one else knew how to use them. They're like an express lane, people! They're not for checking out with an entire week's worth of groceries!

6. Share a favorite piece of common sense advice.
Always wear clean underwear. That's good advice whether or not you end up in an automobile accident!

7. Barefoot, flip flops, tennis shoes, sassy sandals-your first choice for summertime?

As my future dil would tell you, your choice of shoes depends on where you're going, what you're wearing, what mood you're in, etc. She is a shoe aficionado. I have to agree. After all, I have these shoes to wear with my pirate costume for Vacation Bible School. But I really wouldn't want to wear them to run out to the store. Or to my son's wedding. : )

8. Insert your own random thought here.

A definition for hodgepodge is a muddle or mess. That would perfectly describe my life right now. I'm living the Hodgepodge!

Bye-Bye, Baby

2011-05-24T11:10:00.000-04:00

On-the-job training and lifetime experience count for a great deal in most instances, I think. If you're filling out a resume and you put down that you have twenty plus years experience on the job, that would be considered a major asset to the company doing the hiring. After all, there's not too much that would stump you after twenty years on the job.

That's true in most cases, but it's not true when it comes to the job of parenting. I've held that position for over twenty-two years now, and I still find myself stumped and faced with new challenges on a terrifyingly regular basis. The perplexities of new motherhood, including figuring out which way to put on the diaper and wondering if you're damaging your child for life because you gave him a pacifier, morph into the problems of wondering if your child is developing fast enough, talking when they should be, learning to walk at the right age, etc.

From there you move on to all the joys of potty-training, schooling, friends, dating, homework, teenagers, etc. And just when you think you have it all down, your next child presents you with an entirely new set of issues that you did not have to deal with at all when raising your first child.

It seems, too, that no matter how many kids you add, experience doesn't count for a whole lot. They each present new challenges and experiences that you never encountered before. And just when you think you might finally make it through the wild jungle of child-rearing, you face that inexplicable new animal: the adult child.

Joyce, my blogging friend From This Side of the Pond, wrote extremely eloquently about the joys and complexities of trying to parent a child who has turned into an adult. One of the problems is that, when our adult children are not yet parents, they have no idea how difficult this job is for us. Perhaps we've made it look so easy, that they don't realize the struggle we have trying to figure out the right way to handle each situation that comes up. I've tried to explain this to our oldest son, who is twenty-two, but I'm not nearly as eloquent as Joyce is. Nor am I as refined. So my explanations follow something along the lines of this--

When a failure or error happens on my part and I absolutely can't explain or hide it, then I tell Matt that, since he's the oldest, we make most of our mistakes with him. He's the guinea pig. If he doesn't like it, he should take it up with God. God is the One that brought Matt into our lives first, so apparently He thought Matt could handle it.

I've had the additional uniquely challenging role of parenting five boys. It's been interesting trying to mother and train them while at the same time letting them develop into their own man, so to speak. It's not always been easy for their dad either, even if he is the original Indiana Jones. Occasionally, as Matt has gotten older, he and Indiana have butted heads. When he struggled with their obstinate and contrary wills, I tried to explain things to Matt. But rather than being elegant in my speech, I put it in terms any male could understand.

"Dad's marking his territory. He's Top Dog, and you're peeing on his tree."

He sometimes chafed at the rules, but he got the analogy. One time he told me ruefully, "Dad doesn't have a tree. He has a whole forest." True. His turf. His rules.

One week ago today, Matt moved out of our house and into the apartment that he will be sharing with Kylee after they're married. (Six weeks!) My baby has taken one more step towards being completely on his own. It could have been a traumatic day, but it wasn't. Mostly because I've seen him almost every day since then. And because he still hasn't moved all of his belongings out of our house.

In the meantime, I thought I should get him a housewarming gift. Something that would not only grace their first home together, but would commemorate his transition into a full-fledged man on his own. So I got them a plant.

Matt now has his own tree. Welcome to adulthood, Son.

Now when are you moving the rest of your things out of the house?

Glasses & Lingerie, Pirates, School and Non-working Toilets

2011-05-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, that title covers a few of the things going on in the Boyd household in the last week. Just a little recap:

Our church had our annual Ladies' Luncheon last Saturday, meaning for two days before hand I got off work and then headed straight to the church to help with decorating. The night before the luncheon, I got home at 11:00, only to find out that one of my boys, who was supposed to help serve the next day, didn't have the required long-sleeved white shirt he thought he did. The one he assured me he had three weeks ago. Indiana bought him one first thing in the morning. He looked a little wrinkled, but he had a white shirt.

That night I also couldn't go to bed right away because there were things scattered all over the bed. In my absence, my husband had decided we needed to do some sorting and cleaning. He had started in the garage and then moved on to his closet (not finishing either project) before deciding to tackle my closet. Would any of you let your husband sort through and organize your things? If so, you're either a better woman than I am, or you're nuts. After my reaction, I doubt he'll be trying that again any time soon.

The luncheon went well, although the toilets stopped working ten minutes before the luncheon started. That made it interesting, with almost seventy women in attendance. Indiana spent the entire afternoon working on the plumbing problem, which did not help his mood. He told me later that he felt like he wasted the entire day because he spent it on the toilet. I found his phrasing quite humorous, although he did not.

I received an invitation this week to a personal shower for my future daughter-in-law. I can't go because she lives too far away, but I am sending a gift. I considered sending flannel pajamas, but since I won't be there and since no one knows me, I'm afraid it won't be quite as funny as I think it is. Guess I'll stick with something a little more traditional. I'm going to go with pretty, long and flowing.

My boys are in the home stretch for the school year. Unfortunately, being this close to finishing does not always translate into inspiring them to work harder or faster. Nicky's been ready to be through with school since February, and for the last four months, teaching him has had all the stimulation of pushing a wheelbarrow full of boulders uphill. Monday I pointed out to him that he would be finished by the end of the week, but even that didn't motivate him. I've pushed and prodded until finally, this morning, he came bounding into the room, happily announcing that today he will finish with school for the summer. Of course, today he stays at home with his dad so apparently he's going to be motivated for him. Figures.

One of the reasons we're in a hurry to be done with school is that we only have three weeks left before we start Vacation Bible School. With all the decorating and planning and details that have to be cared for, we have no time left for such mundane things as getting an education! Our theme this year is Adventure on the High Seas, and among other things, I'm trying to put together pirate costumes for all of our boys. Nicky (I think they voted to make him the challenging child for this summer) told me he doesn't need a costume because he's already put together his own. I've tried to gently point out the fact that, not only does it not look even remotely like a pirate's costume, but it also features a vest that is at least two sizes too small. Alas, the child is stubborn, and I'm not sure I can convince him to give up his idea.

And the child gets his stubborness from the leader of the pack--Indiana Jones himself. After much ~~nagging~~ encouragement on my part, Indiana finally went to get his eyes checked. Since we were pretty sure he would need bifocals, and since I was pretty sure that bifocals and/or progressives would not work for him for a variety of reasons (I know my husband well) I suggested that he get contact lenses, and then use reading glasses. Since he had contacts years ago, he agreed that this was a great idea.

Until the eye doctor talked him out of them.

I still haven't figured out the doctor's reasoning, but my husband ended up ordering progressive lenses. The prescription was off, so he returned to have them corrected. Then the progressive area was too narrow, so he had them widened. Then it still wasn't right, and the glasses were "pulling" at his eyes, so he returned them and went to a different eye doctor. There he got glasses he liked, but they were single vision lenses and he couldn't see to read. So he had progressive lenses put in, and ordered a second pair of single vision glasses. He thinks he will like these progressive lenses, but when he got home with them yesterday, he noticed that his frames weren't quite straight so he tried to fix them--and popped the lens out. He did that several times last night, and would not leave them alone in spite of my ~~nagging~~ urging him to take them back to the vision center and get them fixed properly. I finally left him messing with them while I went to bed--but only after pointing out that he had now gone through five pairs of glasses, trying to find ones that worked for him.

So there you have it last week at a glance. And upcoming? Three weeks of finishing school, working full time and VBS planning, followed by a week of VBS and working part time, then packing and preparing for our trip and working full time before we leave for the wedding. And somewhere in there I'm supposed to be planning the rehearsal dinner. Oh, and did I mention my dress for the wedding is too big? That's a nice problem to have except that now I either have to pay to have it altered, or I have to shop for another dress. That would be in my free time. Except that most stores aren't open between 2:00 and 4:00 a.m.

Good times. So what are you doing with your summer?

The All Important Hodgepodge

2011-05-18T12:24:00.000-04:00

Who am I kidding? All the Hodgepodges are important. At any rate, here's this week's version and my own uniquely-me answers. Leave a comment, and then click on the link to go see Joyce. You can read her answers, too, and then see what everyone else had to say about this week's Hodgepodge. That's why you're here, isn't it?

1. What reveals more about a woman-her refrigerator or her purse?
In my case, both are crammed full, but nothing is molding in my purse (I hope), so I'm gonna choose that answer.

2. When was the last time you went to the zoo? Where? What's your favorite zoo animal?
I live in a zoo. We specialize in pigs and monkeys.

3. What social issue fires you up?
There are many to choose from, but I think one that really burns me is the double-dip. Get enough on your chip the first time 'cause that baby's not going in the dip again after it's been in your mouth. Right under the the double-dip is the fingerlick, which is equally disgusting. Well, one finger, done discreetly, is okay. But don't lick all ten digits. Use a napkin, for pete's sake.

4. Are you a coupon clipper? If so, are you extreme?
I am not like the TV show (which is not very realistic, if you ask me), but I am a clipper. I typically get $100-$200 worth of stuff a week that I don't have to pay for because of coupons. Recently I bought $65 worth of disposable razors, but I paid $2 for them. That kind of savings gives me a nice buzz. : )

5. What is one of your favorite souvenirs brought back from your travels?
When we come back from traveling this summer, we'll have a daughter-in-law. That's a pretty neat souvenir, I think.

6. Lemon meringue or key lime?
Key lime, unless there's chocolate around. Then I'll take that.

7. What is the most beautiful word you know in any language?
It's not a word, it's a phrase: Time for bed!

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Never sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the temporary.

Just thought I'd get a little inspirational today. Have a great Wednesday!

Moving On Up to the Hodgepodge

2011-05-11T11:19:00.002-04:00

I'm running late, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time here explaining this. You know the drill. Seven questions and a random thought. Read and comment on mine, then click the link to head over to Joyce's blog and see what everyone else had to say. But read mine first since you're already here. Thanks!

1. How many times in your life have you moved house?
I've never moved a house, although once I did tear the door off the refrigerator.

2. What subject would you study if you had a year to devote to it?
I think I would study world geography--with lots of field trips and first class travel arrangements. Yeah, I could do that for a whole year. Or more.

3. What in this world breaks your heart?
Getting coupons in Sunday's paper for items that stopped being on sale the day before.

4. What is one item that symbolizes the times in which we live? Why?
Electricity. Because most everything else that symbolizes our times would not exist without it.

5. Share a favorite bumper sticker or t-shirt slogan.
I've mentioned this before, but I once saw a car that had an Obama/Biden bumper sticker on the left. On the right it had another sticker that said, "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

6. How do you like your spaghetti?
I prefer a plate, although when my children were little they liked seeing it on the walls and floor.

7. What is one piece of advice you would give a recent, or soon to be recent, graduate?
Get a job. It really helps to get by in this world if you actually have money.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
No matter how fit you are, tight white pants and a thong are inappropriate attire for the gym. Actually, they're inappropriate everywhere, but they're especially offensive when you're on the elliptical machine in front of me. Just sayin'.

This is Not My Bucket List!

2011-05-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, someone sent this to me in an email and labeled it Bucket List. Since a bucket list is supposed to be a list of things I want to do before I die, this list doesn't qualify. But it is fun to see what people have experienced. So I put an x by everything I've done. Feel free to copy, answer a few in comments, or whatever to tell me which things you've done.

As for my official bucket list, I don't have one. Dreams, yes, but a bucket list always struck me as a little morbid. So no list for me. What about you?

Have you ever ...

(x) Shot a gun (I own several)

( ) Gone on a blind date

(x) Watched someone die (only on TV. Seriously, why would this be on someone's bucket list?)

(x) Visited Canada

() Visited Hawaii

( ) Visited Cuba (Again, why would this be on someone's bucket list?)

(x) Visited Europe

( ) Visited South America

( ) Visited Las Vegas

(x) Visited Mexico

(x) Visited Florida

(x) Seen the Grand Canyon

(x) Flown on a plane

( ) Served on a jury

(x) Been lost (Too many times to count!)

(x) Traveled to the opposite side of the country (You didn't specify which country)

(x) Visited Washington , DC

(x) Swam in the Ocean

(x) Cried yourself to sleep (And this is on a bucket list because?????)

(x) Played cops and robbers (I've played both sides. And I always win.)

(x) Played cowboys and Indians (Again, played both sides. Still always win.)

(x) Recently colored with crayons

( ) Sang Karaoke

(x) Sang a solo or duet in church

(x) Paid for a meal with coins only (They loved me at the drive through!)

( ) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose

(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) Had children (I've done this a couple of times.) : )

(x) Had a pet (Two cats and a dog with an attitude.)

( ) Been skinny-dipping outdoors (If I did, I was waaay to young to remember it!)

(x) Been fishing

(x) Been boating

( ) Been downhill skiing

( ) Been water skiing

(x) Been camping in a trailer/RV (Not my favorite thing to do.)

(x) Been camping in a tent (Bet you never guessed this one, did you? Still not my favorite thing to do!)

(x) Flown in a small 4-seater airplane

( ) Flown in a glider

(x)Flown in a helicopter

( ) Flown in a hot air balloon

()Walked on a glacier

(x) Driven a motorcycle/been a passenger (Both. You might think I'm a little more adventurous than you imagined, but remember--I'm married to Indiana Jones!)

( ) Been bungee-jumping

() Gone to a drive-in movie

(x) Done something that could have killed you—but not bungee jumping (You know, I'm not even going to elaborate on this one. My kids might read my blog someday.)

(x) Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life (Ditto to above comment.)

(x) Visited Africa

() Rode an elephant

(x) Eaten just cookies or cake for dinner (I totally get why this would be on a bucket list. Except, doesn't everyone do this once in a while? Be honest!)

( ) Been on TV

( ) Stolen any traffic signs

(x) Been in a car accident (But it was seriously not my fault. Any of those times!)

() Donated blood (They won't take mine. Something to do with our having lived in Africa.)

( ) Bailed out of Helicopter/Plane (There would have to be something seriously wrong with the vehicle before I would jump. And I'd have to be unconcious.)

(x) Gone Curling (Only my hair.)

Favorite drink? Depends on my mood. Right now I'd really like a frozen lemonade. (But not that strawberry- lemonade junk from McDonalds. Yuck!)

Have Piercings? Only my ears.

Do you drive a 4-door vehicle? yes, but I'm a good enough driver that I can handle a vehicle with even more doors than that! : )

Favorite Number: Depends on what we're talking about. Desserts? You can never have enough. Trips to the emergency room? Even one's too many.

Favorite Movie: Depends on my mood, but usually something with a little mystery and suspense, a dash of intrigue and a healthy dose of laughter. Oh, and a hunky hero to look at doesn't hurt either!

Favorite dessert? Anything with chocolate.

And now it's your turn. Answer one or answer all. Don't feel like you have to include comments. I did because, well, it's what I do. : )

Coping with Mother's Day

2011-05-06T12:19:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's right. I said coping. For years Mother's Day was not my favorite holiday. But I think that's because I didn't know how to handle it.

Like most moms, I set myself up for failure by anticipating extravagant gifts and heaps of attention and praise. I expected everyone in my family to go out of their way to make it a fantastically special day for me--high expectations for an absent-minded husband and a handful of toddlers.

Most of the time I found myself getting frustrated as I waited for someone--anyone--to remember that it was a special day. Until it finally occurred to me: I have to remind my husband of every other important day during the year. Why should Mother's Day be any different?

So I started sending out advance notices. They ranged from simple: "Two weeks 'til Mother's Day", to slightly more subtle: "I'm not cooking on Sunday." Unfortunately, my announcements had an unexpected side effect. Whenever I pointed out the advancing maternal holiday, inevitably my husband would turn to me and say, "Have we gotten anything for my mom yet?"

Once again I consoled myself. Obviously the thought of Mother's Day would trigger thoughts of his mother, not his wife. I should be grateful as some men actually seem to expect their wife to also be their mother. However, as I produced more and more children for him, it did seem like he ought to be able to remember to teach them to honor me one day out of the year.

I finally realized that, if I wanted the ideal Mother's Day, I needed to spell it out. Completely. Either that, or spend the day feeling disappointed and unappreciated. So now I inform everyone in our family of the date, and do occasional countdowns ("five days left to get something for Mother's Day!") so that they don't miss the date. I also point out gifts that I want so that I'm not disappointed and I don't have to pretend to like something on my day. Incidentally, my husband is pretty good at picking out jewelry and sending flowers, so I don't have to do that so much anymore with him. As for the boys, I strive to request things that will be easy for them to give. This year I'm getting my car detailed.

Hey, there's no downside to planning out your own special day. I even get to skip cooking twice that weekend. When our children were all little, waiting in line for hours for a table at a restaurant was not my idea of a great Mother's Day. So we ended up picking up burgers or chicken and taking it home to eat it. But as they got a little older, I began to miss the experience of us all dining out together. So I suggested to Indiana that we go out on Saturday night instead of Sunday. He was very agreeable to that, and we had a wonderful meal out together. But then I still requested that we pick up chicken or tacos after church on Sunday. After all, I still saw no reason to cook on my day!

So now I no longer cope with Mother's Day. I enjoy it. And the rest of my family actually enjoys it too because they no longer have to struggle to guess what I'd like in order to make my day special. It's a win-win for everyone.

I do have one other thing that I request from my children, but this is a request for all year round. And it's actually found in the Bible.

III John 4 says, I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

I'll take that gift whether I get my car detailed or not.

May I Participate in the Hodgepodge?

2011-05-04T09:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I know the title was corny. I'm operating at half-wattage today. But you'll stick around and read my lame answers anyway, won't you, because that's the wonderful kind of person you are. (Who would click away early after that kind of compliment, hmmm?) So after reading and graciously commenting here, click the link and see what everyone else had to say. Seven questions and a random thought. It's not as easy as it looks. Answering the questions, I mean. Clicking on the link is very easy. One tap of the mouse and you're through the rabbit hole and into the world of Joyce's Hodgepodge on From This Side of the Pond. But don't click it yet! You've still got to read my answers first. Remember? Because that's the sort of person you are?

1. Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Do you enjoy that? If someone were serving you breakfast in bed this coming weekend what would you hope to see on the tray?
I've been there, done that, but it's not really my cup of tea. It's such a hassle getting the pillows adjusted so that you're sitting up just right, and then you have to balance a tray of some sort so that you're not spilling. And don't even get me started on the crumbs in the sheets thing. Big pet peeve there. Not that I'm hard to please or anything. If someone brought me a tray this weekend, I'd hope to see an invitation to Bob Evans on it. Just sayin'.

2. What is one piece of advice you would give a new mother?
The diaper goes on the other end.

3. When was the last time you wanted to scream? Explain.
How about the time we all screamed together because of the spider?
You can read about it here.

4. Can you hula hoop?
I used to be great at it until it got to the point that I could use the hoop as a belt.

5. What is something people do in traffic that really bothers you?
Get in my way.

6. What do you do when people don't admit they're wrong?
Point out to them that they are wrong because I'm sure that helps.

7. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 'fun'?
The Hodgepodge, of course. And sprinkles.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I never liked Mary Poppins. Just thought you ought to know.

A Wedding Education

2011-05-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

I firmly believe, and I have often told my children, that my job from the time they are born is to train and educate them until they become mature, independent adults that are capable of functioning on their own and contributing to the world in which they find themselves a part. As they get older, every once in a while a situation arises with opportunities for learning and experiencing new things. I always try to take advantage of those situations because it's my job to make sure my children are as well-equipped as I can make them for life.

Since Matt's the oldest, we always seem to be breaking new ground with him, experience-wise. He was the first to graduate from high school, the first to go off to college, and now--the first to get married.

When wedding talk first started, I suddenly realized that Matt had little experience with weddings. Up to this point he'd been in two. Once as a ringbearer at the age of four, and the second as a groomsman his senior year in high school. Neither time was he involved in planning the wedding. He simply wore what he was told to wear, showed up when he was supposed to and did what he was told. And although sometimes that's all the groom is required to do, I thought he ought to know a few wedding planning basics before his first trip up to Kylee's and their first wedding-planning session.

The thing is, Matt--like his dad--is a big picture guy. Details are not his thing. Weddings are, of course, made up of hundreds of details that have to be decided and coordinated. Kylee is both extremely organized and creative, but I knew she would want at least some input and help from Matt in putting their special day together. So in preparing him for the months of planning to come, I started by asking a few general questions, just to find out if they'd already discussed any details. Matt's answers to most things were, "I don't know" or "whatever Kylee wants".

On the surface that might sound like a very generous guy who wanted whatever made his bride happy. While that is true of Matt, I also saw below the surface. It also meant "that's something I don't want to have to deal with." There were a few things he would have to deal with, I insisted. The tuxes, for instance usually fell in the groom's realm of decision-making.

"Oh, we're having tuxes," he told me, obviously relieved to have one decision made.

"But there's a lot of decisions to make about the tuxes," I pressed.

"Like what?"

"Tails, no tails. Color, cut, cumberbund, vest, tie, bowtie ..." I trailed off as his eyes glazed over. "It won't be that hard," I encouraged. "Has Kylee picked her colors yet?"

"Uh, yeah." He brightened at being able to answer a question. "Purple and green."

What she actually has picked is a very dark purple, almost an eggplant, and a much lighter shade of green. The colors are beautiful together. However, the way Matt said them made me think of a certain favorite children's dinosaur.

"Purple and green? You're having a Barney wedding?" I couldn't resist messing with him a little.

"No!" He explained the colors and I nodded thoughtfully. "So which color will the tuxes be--purple or green?"

"Neither!" He answered. A look of hesitation crossed his face, and then more forcefully, "Neither!"

I asked if he'd picked bridal attendants yet, and he stared at me blankly. "I don't know what those are."

"Groomsmen?"

"Oh. My brothers."

That was nice. Matt has four brothers. "How many bridesmaids is Kylee going to have?" He didn't know. "You do realize you're supposed to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, right?"

The conversation continued as Matt told me they were getting married at Kylee's church, something I'd expected, and that her pastor would be performing the ceremony.

Everything else stopped as I almost completely lost it. Matt's father is a pastor. Why would he not have his own father perform the ceremony? How could he do this to his dad? Didn't he realize his dad would be crushed? Surely Kylee's pastor would understand Matt wanting to have his own dad do the ceremony. Surely Kylee would understand that. All he had to do was speak up. His dad would never say anything, but it would just destroy him if his own son didn't ask him to do his ceremony! "How could you do this to your dad?" I demanded.

Matt looked uncertain. "I was going to ask him to be my best man," he answered. "But if you don't think that's right--"

I assured him that his dad would be fine with that.

Sometimes I think we're raising that boy right after all.

The Hodgepodge That's Practically Perfect in Every Way

2011-04-27T11:07:00.000-04:00

I missed it last week, much to my disgust, but we're back with the Hodgepodge! Don't forget to leave a comment before you click the link and hop over to Joyce's blog to see what everyone else had to say. And to leave your own link, of course.

1. What is something that bothers you if it is not done perfectly?
An imperfectly set table annoys the fire out of me. I mean, it's not like it's so very hard to lay a straight napkin and center everything in front of the chair. And does it really take so much longer to place the silverware instead of making it look like you tossed it in the general direction of the table? If that's the way you're going to do it, you might as well just pick up your place and go sit in front of the TV to eat your meal. Wait a minute ...

2. What is one of your best childhood memories?
One time when one of my brothers said something inappropriate, my mother disciplined him by setting the kitchen timer and telling him he couldn't speak for ten minutes. After she left the kitchen, my sisters and I reset the timer for thirty minutes. My brother had a fit, but since he wasn't allowed to speak, there was really no way he could tell on us.

Hey, it may not be the best memory, but I enjoyed it.

3. Do you plan to watch the Royal Wedding and when was the last time you wore a hat?
Well of course I'm going to be there! After all, I am related to the groom.

Oh wait, you weren't talking about my son's wedding? Is someone else getting married?

As for the hat question, before I married Indiana Jones, I didn't realize that people still actually hunted. When he told me it was one of his hobbies, I asked him if he realized he could now buy pre-packaged meat in the supermarket. At any rate, shortly after we were married we went "Up North" for my first hunting season. Someone presented me with a knitted cap in blaze orange, reminding me that I needed to wear that color whenever I went outside so that I wasn't mistaken for a deer and shot. In order to "pretty up" the hat, a gigantic fake mum had been woven into the side of it. The mum was the same blaze orange color, and it was roughly the same size as my head. I've still not decided if it was intended to be ornamental or an easy target. At any rate, I conveniently lost the cap fairly quickly. And, no, there are no pictures.

4. Where do you fall in the birth order in your family? Do you think this has influenced your personality?
I fall more frequently than any of my siblings. It hasn't influenced my personality, but I do bruise more often.

5. Where do you think you spend most of your money?
At the store. (Duh!)

6. When you need to confront someone would you rather communicate in person, on the phone, by email or by letter? Why?
If I'm gonna confront you, I want to do it in person. Gestures and facial features are as much a part of communication as words are, and I want to make sure that I'm not misunderstood. Plus, you can't ignore me if I'm right in front of you.

7. Dodge ball, freeze tag, kickball or jump rope? You have to pick one.
Well okay, but if I pick one it doesn't mean I have to actually play, does it?

8. Insert your own random thought here.
If I don't take out any time for sleeping between now and the wedding, I think I might actually get everything done.

Easter Suits and Calling the Cops

2011-04-26T16:23:00.001-04:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. I'm sure it would have been much nicer for you if you weren't wondering where on earth I've been for the past week. (Actually, it's been two full weeks since I've posted, but whose counting?) In addition to the usual work at my first job, plus the ~~ever increasing~~ one day a week work at the church, plus the homeschooling and the planning for our ladies' luncheon and the work we're doing for VBS which is approaching all too rapidly ... wait, where was I?

Right, Easter. It's been in the back of my mind that our two youngest boys needed new suits for the wedding which is fast approaching this summer. (The other boys are in the wedding, so they're wearing tuxes.) Since almost every store around had suits on sale the week before Easter, I thought it would be an excellent time to buy these new suits. With that plan in mind, I took all four boys to the mall one evening last week after work.

SIDE NOTE: Boys can be just as picky when it comes to shopping for clothes as girls can. It took us until the mall closed, but we did manage to get the suits we needed. We had to go back on another to finish out the shopping deemed necessary for the week, but that's another post.

I've written in the past about the things that happen to my boys' Sunday clothes. They tend to do double duty as basketball uniforms and commando gear, so I planned on buying these suits and tucking them away until the wedding. With one exception. I wanted the boys to be able to wear new suits for Easter. I was sure that, for one Sunday, I could manage to threaten and/or ride herd on them enough to protect the new suits. With that thought in mind, I read them a long list of do's and don't's--actually, the don'ts consisted of don't sweat. At all. That meant the Do's consisted of stand quietly and stay inside buildings at all times.

I knew I was setting high goals, but at least it gave them something to shoot for. Sunday night after the service I stopped Nicky just as he started to run across the parking lot. Meaning just before he broke into a sweat. I also corralled Joel from the field next to the church, but he was still standing upright and hadn't actually started a commando-style crawl through the grass yet, so I considered the day a success. When we got home I told the boys to hang their suits up and put them in my room where I would keep them until just before the wedding. Literally, minutes before the wedding when I will produce them again, let the boys wear them, and hope they manage to stay clean for the ten minutes before the ceremony starts. Again, high goals, but something to shoot for.

As the boys headed upstairs to change, Joel paused to show me the slight rip in the pocket of his new suit coat. A rambling story followed that included a game of ping pong in which he was not participating--only watching. How could he possibly have ripped his brand new suit the only time he wore it--while participating as a spectator? And more importantly, do you think the suits will be safe if they put them on only five minutes before the wedding ceremony?

In other news, yesterday was my day to work at the church. As usual, the boys' friends showed up and a game of airsoft guns started on the property outside the building. (No one was wearing suits at the time.) Before the game was over, we had been visited by no less than three separate vehicles from the County Sheriff's department. It seems that people driving by thought it looked suspicious for almost a dozen boys to be running around the property with airsoft guns. Especially when some of them were dressed in camouflage. Or maybe it was the fact that it was long-sleeved camo and the temperature was near ninety yesterday. Apparently people don't realize that, if the situation calls for camo and hoods, you wear them no matter how hot it is. At any rate, the sheriff's department received multiple phone calls and we got multiple visitors yesterday.

I'm betting that if we ever get robbed, no one reports anything until long after Elvis has left the building.

The 411 on the 3-1-1

2011-04-14T13:58:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago when I was flying off on my chick weekend, I saw signs like this everywhere at the security checkpoints at the airport.

I understand the reason for all the security restrictions, and I have to say, I'm fine with them. I'm willing to do with a little extra inconvenience if it helps keep us safer. (I realize the actual safety factor might be debatable, but that's a subject for a different post.) I'm not particularly thrilled with the possibility of full-body scans (something that I didn't have to endure on this trip), but I would definitely choose them over the extremely thorough patdown alternatives. No one's giving me an intimate patdown without buying me dinner and some really expensive bling first. (Hey, I'm not easy!)

I do have a confession to make about the above signs. I think I'm the reason for the final "1" in the 3-1-1 equation.

I think I've mentioned before on the blog that I'm a little high maintenance. What I mean by that is, it takes a lot to put together the whole package in the mornings. In addition to the body wash, the facial cleanser, the shampoo and conditioner, there's also the facial moisturizer, the face cream, the body lotion, the powder, the hair gel, the mousse, the hairspray, the hand lotion, etc. You get the idea. What can I say? I put a lot of effort into making myself look ... really average.

I'm also brand loyal. I refuse to use any old bargain brand of product. I'm not insanely outrageous about the beauty products I buy, but as I've told my husband many times, I can't look this good for free. Although I do sometimes think I should be getting a better return on my investment.

At any rate, several years ago my husband and I were flying out of Birmingham, Alabama, for a weekend in Florida. There was a church down here that was considering Indiana for their pastor, and they wanted to meet the wife. (We've lived down here for the past four years, so you can guess the outcome of that particular weekend.) While packing for our trip, I dutifully filled little 3 ounce bottles with the various liquids and gels I needed to make me look like me. That took a lot of little bottles. And I ran into a some trouble when I pulled out my ziploc bags.

In the first place, my bags weren't quart-sized, they were sandwich-sized. At the time, I didn't realize how big a difference that would make. Plus, I didn't just try to pack all my little bottles into the ziploc bag, I tried to pack all of our toiletries. That included our deodorants, toothbrushes, Q-tips, etc. I've always packed all our toiletries together, and I saw no reason to separate them. Except that I quickly discovered that everything would not fit into one little ziploc bag.

If I'd been thinking, something I clearly don't practice on a regular basis, I could have put one ziploc in each of our carry-ons, and that would have helped. But not completely because I couldn't fit everything into two ziploc bags either. Or three.

Try five.

My husband frowned at the five ziploc bags I was tucking into my suitcase and commented that he didn't think security was going to let them through. "But I need them," I answered, as though the logic of my argument could not be refuted. Apparently he felt I would take rejection better from a TSA agent than from him because he didn't argue further. He only commented that, if they didn't allow all those plastic bags, the excess would have to go in the garbage can. If that was the case, I wasn't to say a word in protest, he cautioned. I guess he figured missing our flight because we were suspected of possible terrorist activities wouldn't make a good impression with the candidating committee. Point taken.

I'll just be casual and quick, I decided. If I acted like I and my five ziploc bags of beauty products were supposed to be there, perhaps no one would notice.

Birmingham is not the biggest airport in the country, and we were the only two people going through the security line. We piled our jackets, laptops, shoes and my purse onto the conveyor belt and then swung our suitcases up on the line. I quickly unzipped my suitcase and pulled out all of my ziplocs, sliding them into a nearby tray. I was casual. I was quick.

Perhaps if I hadn't been standing directly across from a TSA agent ...

She said, "Whoa!" and the entire belt stopped. Two other agents came over and the three of them inspected my multiple bags of beauty products. When they stopped laughing, (I'm sure they were laughing at my packing stupidity and not at my delusions about the effectiveness of my beauty regime), they explained as though talking to a young and not particularly bright child that one bag per passenger was allowed.

I think sometimes it helps to encourage people's belief in your own stupidity. I frowned and looked confused until one of them suggested that one bag could technically belong to my husband. Eventually, with time running out, they hustled me through the metal detector--Indiana had already gone through and put his shoes back on--and then took me over to a garbage can. I was mentally bracing myself to toss everything when one efficient worker grabbed my purse. She proceeded to toss into it everything from the ziplocs that didn't actually need to be in there. She then consolidated the rest and managed to fit it into two bags, one for me and one for my husband.

I smiled gratefully at her and started to thank her for saving all my stuff, but there was no answering smile. "You might get away with this stuff here," she warned me sternly. "But if you pull this stuff at Orlando's airport, they'll nail you."

By the way, she used another word for "stuff".

I have learned my lesson. For my chick weekend, I had one quart-sized ziploc bag in my carry-on. I did, however, have to pay to check a piece of luggage.

What? I told you, I can't look this good for free!

The Hodgepodge Where The Picture Doesn't Show Up

2011-04-13T12:03:00.000-04:00

Don't ask me why the Hodgepodge picture isn't showing up because I don't know. I still don't know how Joyce gets the picture up in the first place. What I do know is that it's seven questions and a random thought and you'd better get busy if you want to join the fun. But you have to read my answers first and leave a comment because, let's face it, you're already here.

1. Would you rather talk to everyone at a crowded party for a short time or have a significant conversation with two people?
Well if I'm talking to everyone all at once, then that could be kind of fun, couldn't it? Because then I think I could classify myself as the life of the party. And who doesn't want to be that?

2. What objects do you remember from your parent's living room?
The lumps on the couch. Oh, wait! Those were my brothers!

3. Do you hog the bed? Steal the covers? Snore?
There is occasional bad bed behavior that goes on in our bedroom, but I am not the culprit. Although, if you were to ask my husband, he would say that he's not either. I don't know who that third person is who steals the covers, hogs the bed and snores, but if we ever catch him, he's a goner!

4. Speaking of Easter dinner....what is your favorite way to cook/eat lamb? Or does just the thought of that make you squeamish? If you're not cooking lamb what will be your entree du jour on Easter Sunday?
My favorite way to eat lamb would be after the waiter serves it to me at the restaurant. Our entree on Easter Sunday will be a Honeybaked Ham. But lest you think I'm completely lazy, I will be making all the accoutrement myself.

5. Let's throw some politics into this week's mix-oooohhh...Do you know the whereabouts of your birth certificate and when was the last time you had to produce it to prove you're you?
I actually have three copies of my birth certificate, and I know where all three copies are. I may misplace a child occasionally, but I know where to find important papers.

6. As a child, how did people describe you?
Entertaining. Hard to imagine, isn't it?

7. What do you complain about the most?
Living an estrogen life in a testosterone-filled world.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I just found out that not everyone in my house was taking advantage of the fact that they had clean underwear readily available every day. We have since corrected that oversight.

It's All In How You Measure

2011-04-07T12:00:00.001-04:00

As much as I love my family, sometimes living with six males (seven if you count the dog) can be overwhelming. Recently I found myself struggling with the ever-increasing desire to scratch and spit in public--always a sure sign that I need a little more estrogen in my life. Thankfully, I was able to get back in touch with my feminine side by taking a four day weekend to go visit a close friend. We hadn't seen each other in over two years, and her husband was out of town, so it was the perfect time to reconnect. We shopped, ate out, talked incessantly and watched movies where no one got blown up or shot. In short, it was the perfect chick weekend.

That Sunday I visited our home church in Alabama, where people seem surprised that I would take off on my own without the rest of the family. In truth, my guys accepted that I wanted to get away, but they didn't really understand either. So today I will attempt to explain exactly what I needed to take a break from.

1. The smell. Guys have a scent all their own. If they're not actively sweating, they have a musky male odor that can be endearing when taken in small doses. Multiply it times seven and it gets a little overpowering. Add to that the odor of their sweaty clothes and old sneakers and you know why even Febreeze is not strong enough for my house. Consider the fact that I often drive home from church with guys who have played basketball after the service. No matter what the outside temperature, they generate enough sweaty steam to fog up my windshield. Every. Time.

2. The competition. Hey, I'm a bit competitive myself, so I understand a little healthy competition. But in the life of guys, everything is a competition. And my guys are in it to win. When applied to sports, I understand the mindset. I do have a problem, though, applying competition to bodily functions. Our house tends to be quite musical in the morning, and my boys take it as a challenge to best each other in the amount/volume/odor of flatulence they can produce. It doesn't seem to matter that there's no market for that sort of thing in life, nor that the ability to win this sort of competition is not admired outside of a guys' dorm. Nor does it seem to matter that I'm constantly reminding them that they don't live in a guys' dorm.

Sometimes I think I do.

3. Mostly I needed a break from the male mindset. Guys are not tactful by nature, and quite often they blurt out whatever thought crosses their minds. For instance, I've lost almost 60 pounds. My guys have been complimentary and encouraging. Sort of. In their own way. Some examples--

--I announced my most recent weight loss, and the boys all complimented me enthusiastically. Wanting to go that extra mile with the encouragement, one of them commented, "I knew you were losing weight. Your arms aren't nearly as big as they used to be."

--We went through a drive through and I asked my 11 year old to hand me my wallet. When I finished the transaction, I turned to him and found him staring at my driver's license. He had the same look a person gets on their face when they're passing a traffic accident and they simply can't look away. (I can't blame him. Driver's license pictures are supposed to be ugly, but I went the extra mile with mine. Obviously, I was 60 pounds heavier. My face was flushed and I was wearing a bright orange/red top. I gave a great impression of a squashed tomato.)

"Driver's license photos are supposed to look bad," I told him.

"Can you have it retaken?" He still couldn't look away.

"Not until it expires." I decided to go ahead and let him get out what he had to say. "It looks pretty bad, doesn't it?"

"No," he lied, struggling to tear his gaze away. "Except for the chin. And the cheeks." Pause. "And the hair ..."

--My husband has been extremely complimentary and encouraging on the weight loss. And mostly in a very good way. But even he occasionally can't hide the male thought patterns that come crashing through. Every once in a while he'll ask me for the current number of pounds lost. I'll proudly tell him and then congratulations start all over again. I'm still losing, but the loss has slowed some. Recently he asked me and the number of pounds lost was the same number it had been the last time he asked. Seeing his surprise, I hurried on to explain that weight loss isn't measured in pounds alone, but also in inches. Rather than detailing the specific inches lost from hips, thighs, waist, etc., I simply told him I'd lost 46 inches so far.

When there was no sound, I glanced up to see a horrified look on Indiana's face. "46 inches?" He repeated. "Where?"

I was insulted. Hadn't he been telling me all along that he could tell I'd been losing? Where did he think the inches came from? I told him I'd lost from hips, thighs, waist, etc.

"Oh." I could see some male-type thoughts tumbling through his mind. "Wow." Pause. "That's almost four feet." Seeing the look on my face, it was his turn to be surprised. "What?" he asked. "Isn't that good?"

Forty-six inches sounds good. Four feet sounds like I had a dwarf growing out of my hip. Apparently only a female would understand that you don't convert measurements when discussing weight loss.

And that, dear readers, is why I needed a break. I needed to smell some perfume and shop for girly items for a while. I needed someone who didn't have to discuss pounds or feet(!) to know that I'd lost weight. Instead we simply chattered about sizes and giggled that I had to go down another size in skirts to find one that fit.

Sometimes females just need to get away from the dwarf growing out of their side. Either that, or they'll find themselves joining in on the competition.

Follow the Signs to the Hodgepodge

2011-04-06T11:46:00.000-04:00

And you thought I wasn't going to play today, didn't you? Admit it! You thought I wouldn't! I don't know why. Just because I've had exactly eight posts in the month of March, and only three of them were not Hodgepodge posts. Yes, I know I've been remiss. I'm sorry. I'd like to promise I'll do better, but I don't think it would help our relationship by lying to you.

All the same, I know I must do something. I've lost five (count them, five) followers in the last week. I'm afraid I am literally boring people to death with my non-posting. Which, I suppose, is better than boring them to death with posting. At any rate, I can't take that kind of rejection. So here I am at the weekly Hodgepodge, which I absolutely adore, by the way, answering seven questions and giving a random thought. Come on and play along, will you?

1. National Read a Road Map Day falls on April 5th. Would people say you have a good sense of direction? Do you rely on a GPS when you drive somewhere new? When was the last time you used a map?
I detest GPS units, probably because they sound incredibly superior as they direct you, and then they sound annoyed at your stupidity when they announce that they are "recalculating". I have a fabulous sense of direction, so I don't need a GPS myself. In fact, I've become somewhat of a living GPS unit for the males in my family who frequently call me for directions while they're driving. When this happens, I will sometimes direct them with a British accent, but always with a superior attitude.

2. What's your favorite cookbook?

The one used by someone other than me.

3. What painting would you like to "walk into" and experience? Why?

I would not like to walk into any painting because I would be afraid I couldn't get back out of it when I was done. I'm weird that way.

4. What annoys you more- misspellings or mispronunciations?

Misspellings annoy me considerably. I have been known to correct the spelling in my son's texting.

5. What is something your mother or father considered important?

My mother thought it was important for her girls to act like ladies. Someday perhaps I will achieve that goal.

6. Do you like or dislike schedules?

I am very fond of schedules. Unfortunately, no one else in my family is fond of schedules and they are continually disrupting mine.

7. Let's have some fun with National Poetry Month (that would be April)...write your own ending to this poem-

"Roses are Red

Violets are blue...
I've wracked my brain,
But I've got nothing for you."

Incidentally if you'd like to read the history behind that little ditty you'll find it here.

8. Insert your own random thought in this space.
I've not neglected my blog because I have nothing to say. On the contrary, so much is happening, I've had no time to post. I've written fantastic posts in my head, though. Roll-on-the-floor-laugh-out-loud kind of stuff. I'll try to do better. Hopefully I'll do one more post this week about why I took a mini-vacation away from all my guys. A little hint: it had something to do with smells and the four-foot dwarf growing out of my side. Yeah, just ponder that mental picture for a day or two until I get back to you.

The Foolish Hodgepodge

2011-03-30T13:54:00.000-04:00

So you thought I'd be back to recap my weekend before the Hodgepodge? How foolish of you! And with that segway, we'll lead right in to the April Fool's edition of the Hodgepodge--seven questions and a random thought that you would like to share with the world at large. Or at least with your internet buddies. Leave a comment and then click on the link to see what everyone else has to say. You won't regret it! I promise!

1. April rolls in at the end of this week and in celebration of that infamous date (April 1st) answer this question-What is something foolish you've done?

Only one foolish thing? Okay, how about the time I walked off hand-in-hand with a man other than my husband? How about the fact that I did this right in front of my husband? And I thought the guy was my husband? And he was actually a deacon in our church? And we were halfway across the parking lot before he decided to say anything to let me know who he really was? Yeah, I'd say that was kinda foolish.

2. With April comes Easter and that classic edible treat known asPeeps...so tell me...what's your favorite way to fix/eat chicken? That wasn't what you were expecting, was it? I 'fooled' you. teehee.
Probably digging some original recipe out of the Colonel's bucket.

3. What's the best museum you've ever visited? Or your favorite? Or the one you'd most like to visit?

I think it would be very interesting to go to a shoe and purse museum. I don't know that one exists, but it should.

4. You know what they say about April showers...what's your preference-a shower or a bath?

I prefer a shower no matter what month it is.

5. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...fact or fiction? Why?

Fact or fiction? Probably depends on who you're talking about.

6. What's your favorite product made/grown in your home state/province?

We live in Florida. My favorite home-grown product is vacations!

7. What is going on in the world today that affects you the most?

Life.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
There is not a dead body in our garage, but it sure smells like there is. How long is that smell going to have to linger before I can get one of the males in my life to discover what it is and take care of it? (I really don't think this falls under my list of duties!)

Springing Into the Hodgepodge

2011-03-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

So here we are having a little spring fun. Take a couple of minutes to answer seven questions and then give us a random thought. Nothing's easier. Or harder. Depends on your thought process, I guess. At any rate, give it a whirl. What have you got to lose?

1. Sunday was the first day of spring. So they say. Ahem.What is your favorite outdoor springtime activity?
Well if it has to be an outdoor activity, than I'm going to say it's going to an outdoor mall and shopping for new spring clothes.

2. Who would you want to come into your kitchen to cook dinner for you?
Someone who would also stick around long enough to clean up my kitchen after they were through cooking. And if they also wanted to do some laundry or clean a bathroom, they can stay for the rest of their lives.

3. When did you last fly a kite?
I never fly a kite when someone tells me to go fly a kite because I think that's kind of a rude statement. Not that people often tell me to go fly a kite. I'm just sayin'.

4. What topic puts you to sleep faster than anything?
Taxes. Anything to do with numbers. Unless, of course, we're discussing the discount percentage on a great sale.

5. Which flowers do you associate with specific people, places, or events?
Well I used to associate roses with birth because every time I had a baby, my husband bought me roses. But that was an awful lot of trouble to go through just to get some flowers, so now he just buys them for me on Valentine's Day.

6. What significant historical events took place during your elementary school days?
I went to elementary school for six years. A lot of significant historical events happened during that time but, as much as I love history, if I were to list all the events here, you would probably list this answer as your answer for #4.

7. Do you swear? Do you pseudo-swear? (You know crap, shoot, friggin'?)
I do neither, and I'm so glad you classified those other words as pseudo-swearing. I happen to think that a lot of today's euphemisms are rather crude. I don't use them and I don't allow my kids to use them either. On the other hand, I've been known to say "spit" occasionally probably because I feel like spitting.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Saying "spit" would be better than actually spitting. In most cases, at least. : )

Wedding Fun and Stuff

2011-03-21T13:00:00.000-04:00

I mentioned--in my one and only post last week--that I was going to take a chick weekend soon. That weekend starts this coming Thursday, and I positively can't wait! I need this more than you know (I'll explain why tomorrow), but first, a little recap on what's been going on lately.

My future daughter-in-law came for a visit again, and I think she staved off insanity for a week. It was so nice having another female in the house! We gave Kylee a bridal shower while she was here, and she received, I'm pretty sure, at least thirty different sets of measuring cups and spoons. Well, she got a lot of them, anyway. I see a lot of baking in her future.

When we arrived for the shower everyone was given a yarn necklace with a few beads strung on it. Then we were told that we couldn't say words like "Matthew", "groom", "wedding", etc. or several other words that we would very likely say at the shower. If you were caught saying any of the forbidden words, someone could demand your necklace. The one with the most necklaces at the end of the evening won a prize. I was asked to pray for the food, and I had to be careful even then because I'm pretty sure some people would have interrupted to take my necklace if I said the wrong word. My caution was for nothing, though, because I lost my necklace before I filled my plate at the buffet table. So I entertained myself the rest of the evening by using the forbidden words often, and then mocking anyone who asked for the necklace I'd already lost. I'm nothing if not a poor sport.

We finished Kylee's visit by spending a little girl time getting manicures and pedicures. Then I took pity on my son and let her spend the rest of her last day with him.

I would show you lots of pictures of her week here, but someone lost the cord to my camera. I wasn't the last person to upload pictures, but whoever that was, apparently they misplaced the cord. No one can find it. I can't tell you how annoyed that makes me.

I can show you a picture of the dress that I ordered to wear at the wedding. Having never shopped for a Mother-of-the-Groom dress before, I was a little unsure of myself. I thought it would take weeks or even months to find what I wanted, especially since I didn't know what I wanted. Instead, this is the second dress I looked at. I got the bride's approval and a 40% off discount the same day, so this is the dress I will be wearing to the wedding.

I'm pretty sure I will look exactly like the model in the picture, and I plan on striking that pose as often as possible, too. I think it will highlight my best features, and doesn't it look incredibly natural? Now shopping for the right shoes? That could take months!

The Green Hodgepodge

2011-03-16T00:00:00.001-04:00

You knew it was coming. In fact, you probably couldn't wait for it to get here, could you? You've been counting the days since last Wednesday, haven't you? Admit it! You can't live without the Hodgepodge. Seven questions and a random thought around which your life revolves. Okay, your life is a little pathetic, but then, so is mine so I'm not going to say anything. Settle in and here we go. Oh! And after you leave a comment--you knew you had to leave one, right?--click on the link and see what everyone else had to say. You might as well. What else have got to do in your pathetic little life? : )

1. What would you do if you found a pot of gold? Let's pretend this pot of gold is worth exactly $1500 (which would actually be more like a cup of gold at current values). Anyway, let's also pretend you have to spend it as opposed to making a donation someplace. Now tell me what you would do with that ~~cup~~ pot of gold?

To be quite honest, the whole donation thing never occurred to me until you mentioned it. That's my pot of gold, baby! I'd probably hang onto it until my much-needed chick weekend at the end of the month. Then I'd be splurging all over the place. (I'll blog about the weekend another time. For now, let's just say that living as the only female with six males--well, I need a shot of estrogen in my life or I'm going to start scratching and spitting in public soon.)

2. Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day in any way, shape, or form?

When I was a kid we would celebrate by asking everyone in sight if they were a) Irish, or b) wearing green. If the answer to either question was no, then we would pinch them. I have a little Irish in me (along with some French, German and Scottish--we're mutts) and I have green eyes so I always got off easy. If the eye answer wasn't enough, then I told them the tag on my underwear was green. I've since outgrown such childish games so I probably won't be celebrating at all--except maybe to ask my kids if they're Irish and wearing green and then pinch them. : )

3. Have you been bitten by the Spring Cleaning bug? No! I squash those bugs as soon as I see them! What spring cleaning job most needs doing at your house? All of them. What spring cleaning job are you most dreading? All of them.

4. lime-shamrock-sage-forest...your favorite shade of green?

Actually, green is one of my favorite colors and I like it in all shades. Except for pea green. That's not a pretty shade whether it's in a soup or in someone's clothing. And since that's the color usually used to describe someone's face right before they throw up ...

5. Thomas Jefferson once said, "I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." So...do you believe in luck or do you believe we make our own luck?

I don't make my own luck. I don't have the recipe.

6. Monday (3/14) was Pi Day. Get it? Pi =3.14. Those math types are so clever aren't they? Since I'm not one of them tell me what's your favorite piE (the edible kind).

The edible kind is my favorite kind of pie.

7. That same date (3/14) happens to be the birthdate of the late physicist Albert Einstein. I bet he knew the value of Pi. So...what do you think is more important and or valuable in life... intelligence or common sense?

There are a lot of people who have intelligence who have never shown one lick of common sense. However, I don't think I've ever seen someone who exercised common sense without at least an average-sized dose of intelligence. Unfortunately, there's also a great many people who never seem to have been blessed with either intelligence or common sense. Most of them apparently decided to make their living in politics.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
As thrilled as I am to be one of the first ones to link up, I'm more than a little annoyed that I'm still awake this late!

Gutting A Deer

2011-03-10T00:00:00.119-05:00

This story is beginning to seem like the labor itself--never ending. But I promise to wrap it up with this post. After all, if I go any longer, I'll never convince you to read the posts where I talk about the labor from my other five children.

Just kidding. I'm not posting about that for awhile. I can only relive just so many happy memories at one time.

By the time the doctor started talking c-section, I had been in Pitocin-induced labor for over ten hours. They had giving me pain-numbing (re: muscle-numbing) medication in an epidural twice. I had pushed hard and uselessly for over an hour and a half. I cried when the the doctor said the dreaded term, c-section, but he explained he just couldn't let me go on any longer as things were. Over my sobs--and my groans of pain--he explained that he would call the anesthesiologist back in to give me a much bigger dose of medicine through the epidural in order to completely numb me from the chest down before the surgery.

As the import of his words sunk in, my tears dried up. Did this mean I could stop feeling the contractions immediately?

I always focus on what's most important.

It turned out the anesthesiologist was in surgery and it took a while before he could get back up there. I had a few unkind things to say in the meantime, but the release from pain was so blissful, I wasn't worried about the impending surgery. Instead I was able to focus on much more minor irritations.

For one thing, you'd think that when you're numb you'd feel nothing. Not true. Instead, you kind of feel the last thing you actually felt. In my case, the last thing I had felt was that my left leg was bent. And it still felt that way. After they wheeled me into the operating room, I pretty much lay on the table feeling ignored while everyone around busied themselves with their jobs. My leg felt uncomfortable, and since I could no longer move by myself, I asked someone to straighten my leg for me. To my annoyance, no one paid me any attention. I ~~demanded~~ asked several more times for someone to tend to my leg before someone finally told me it was already straight.

Now I was really irritated. If it were straight, I would know it, but it clearly felt bent. I continued to argue until one of the nurses pointed above me. "Look up there, honey. You can see that your leg is straight." Above me hung the large light they would be using when they operated. It was not on yet, and had been pushed out of the way up above me. In the polished chrome I could see a slightly distorted reflection of myself, and sure enough, my leg was straight.

I could also see that I was buck naked.

I don't know which was more disconcerting--the fact that I was lying on the table, naked, in a room full of strangers, or the fact that no one was paying the slightest attention to the fact that I was lying naked on the table in a room full of strangers. Not that I wanted them to pay attention. Before I could say anything, a rather large nurse came up to stand behind me and placed an oxygen mask over my face.

I was already feeling a little claustrophobic because the rest of my body would no longer move when I wanted it to. Plus, they had a small curtain fixed just below my chin so I couldn't actually see when they operated on me. (And they pulled the light away so that I could no longer see my reflection either--thank goodness!) The pressure of the mask on my face was the final straw. I tossed and pulled my head as I struggled to get away from the mask, and begged the nurse to remove it. She told me it was for the baby--something I didn't believe for a minute--and promised to move it as soon as the baby was born.

The curtain and the lack of movement and the mask were bad enough, but this nurse was right behind my head, and she was so large, I could see her no matter which way I turned my head. It didn't help when she reached a large, gloved hand over my face and placed it on top of the mask. She was only going to lift and hold it just above my face, so I could have the oxygen without the mask actually touching me, but her actions completely freaked me out. I started jerking my head away, shouting, "Drop it! Drop it!" The mask settled back on my face, and she returned to her station just behind my head.

No one else in the room seemed to be paying any attention to the diva-patient. They were all absorbed in the surgery itself--including my husband. Indiana had been scrubbed, gowned and masked and given a seat next to my head, but when the procedure started, he stood up and watched in fascination over the curtain. The doctor looked up in surprise. "I thought you were squeamish," he commented.

Indiana shook his head. "Only with needles." He answered. "This is like gutting a deer."

My hero.

Luke was born just over twelve hours after this whole ordeal started. He weighed 9 pounds, 8 ounces and was over twenty-one inches long. I cried when I saw him, but refused to hold him until the feeling came back in my body, which happened sometime during the middle of the night. The diva attitude wore off about the time the anesthesia did, and I held my baby close about three o'clock in the morning.

He was worth every frustrating, agonizing minute of it. But don't tell him, or it'll go straight to his head. In the meantime, just like I guilt his big brother with the 32 hours of labor bit, Luke hears the "twelve hours of labor and a c-section" line quite often along with the "you're the only one that made me go through surgery." Hey, a little guilt is a great motivator. And he deserves it for giving me frequent heart attacks.

Like the other day when he reminded me that next year, he'll be old enough to vote.

Fat Tuesday Hodgepodge on Wednesday

2011-03-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, people. I finally wrote the second part of the birth post yesterday. The third and final post will be tomorrow. I know that for a fact because I already wrote it and scheduled it to post tomorrow. But in the meantime I had to pause for Hodgepodge Identification. Seven questions and a random thought. After reading my answers and leaving what will no doubt be a random comment of your own, click on the link and see what everyone else has to say! What? Like you have so many other better things to do? I didn't think so!

1. The season of Lent begins on March 9th this year...do you participate and if so, in what way?
I have no vices, so I have nothing to give up. : )
2. Traditionally pancakes are eaten on the day known as Shrove Tuesday which is the last day before Lent (March 8th this year). So....butter and syrup? Blueberry? Chocolate chip? ewww, no thanks!! What's your pleasure when it comes to eating pancakes?
I'm beginning to see why the day is called Fat Tuesday. As for my pleasure, I'm on the Atkins diet right now. Pancakes are not in my vocabulary. My boys, however, do their best to make IHOP go out of business any time they offer all you can eat pancakes.
3. Spring is coming. (It is coming, right?) What's your favorite springtime flower and do you suffer from seasonal allergies? Two questions I know, but they're lightweights.
My favorite springtime flowers are the kind that arrive in big boxes, delivered by proflowers.com. I'm only allergic to flowers that actually need to be cared for in order to keep from dying.
4. "Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them than upon what they make us see in ourselves." Author unknown. Agree or Disagree? Why?
I agree that the author is unknown.
5. Since it's "March" and also the season of Mardi Gras....have you ever been in a parade? What's the best parade you've seen?
I've never been in a parade, but I've been practicing my "Princess Wave" so that I'm ready just in case the need should arise.
6. You would jump up and down and shout for joy right now if someone told you___________?
Fat was the new thin.
7. How clean is your car on the outside? Inside? Is there junk in your trunk?
Outside: I've seen it dirtier. Inside: I've seen it cleaner. There is nothing in the trunk of my car, but I definitely have junk in my trunk, which is why I'm on a diet.
8. Insert your own random thought here.

I wonder how many times we give up when success was just around the next bend.

Really weren't expecting something so profound from me, were you?

Nineteen in Twenty Women ...

2011-03-08T12:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, where was I? Oh, right. Two weeks ago I was describing the incredible fun I had bringing this handsome, although not exactly small, young man into the world. After false labor, false hopes and a false trip to the hospital, my doctor decided to induce first thing Monday morning. If you want to read more than that incredibly condensed summary, you can click here.

I don't know about you, but I was rather stupid in my younger years. I assumed that my long labors and hours of pushing for my first two pregnancies were somehow my fault. I figured if I had been better at my job, (having the baby) then that part of the process should have been easier. For whatever reason I can't remember, I didn't have an epidural with either of my first two babies. Instead I had pain meds pushed through my IV. After talking with assorted women (good friends, nodding acquaintances, strangers in the checkout line at the grocery store) I decided than an epidural was the answer to all my problems. Everyone I spoke with assured me that, once they had the epidural, 1. there was no more pain; 2. a few pushes and the baby was out; 3. they thoroughly enjoyed the birthing experience.

Since my first two experiences were less than enjoyable, and since they were also only painfully hazy memories, I decided that having an epidural would give me the ideal birthing experience that all the books talked about. (In case you're wondering, I have since thrown those books away.)

Since this was going to be the ideal birth, I was not at all worried when the doctor said he was going to induce. Neither was I bothered when he chose to induce on Valentine's Day. In fact, I thought it was rather romantic that we were going to have our child on that day. Did I mention I was rather young and stupid at that point? And that I hadn't thought ahead to the fact that Valentine's Day forever after was going to be about birthdays and not about romantic getaways?

The only thing I didn't like was the fact that we had to be at the hospital at five in the morning. But since this was all going to go so quickly, what with the inducing at all, we could have the baby and still have most of the day for other things, right? I was even taking a different approach to labor. Instead of focusing on it (i.e. lamaze-style), I had saved a book I was dying to read for the hours I would be in labor. I could always get lost in a book, and I figured that would take my mind off the pain until I had the epidural.

The book worked for a while. I was in pain, but was still able to lose myself in the story. At least until the doctor came and checked on me mid-morning. He said I looked way too comfortable for the contractions I was supposed to be having, and then he told the nurses to push the Pitocin semi-aggressively. After he left, there was a little discussion among the nurses as to just what he meant by semi-aggressively. Judging from the sudden leap in pain intensity, they decided to focus on the aggressive as opposed to the semi.

In no time at all, I was dilated to 4, although the pain level made me believe I was at 7. It was clearly time for the epidural. The end of pain and the beginning of the end. After all, wasn't that what everyone said? Epidural, no pain, a few pushes, you're done. Being young and stupid (did I mention that yet?) I neglected to ask anyone how long their labors were normally. I think I just automatically associated epidurals with shortened, easier labors, although no one actually made that claim. And rightfully so. Here was where all my pre-conceived notions failed me.

And here's where Indiana Jones failed me too.

My fearless husband has faced down terrorists in Uganda. He's stared at the business end of an AK-47. He's almost capsized in a canoe during a violent storm on Lake Victoria. He's boldly gone into jungles in Africa where no white man has gone before. He's earned the nickname Indiana Jones.

Needles make him pass out.

With each contraction becoming more painful, I should have been able to cling to my manly husband while they tapped the needle into my spine and gave me the epidural. Instead, my husband was standing out in the hallway, turning white as a sheet at the thought of a needle being anywhere in the vicinity, while I clung to a nurse whose name I didn't even know. When the job was finished and all needles again packed away out of sight, Indiana returned to my side to resume his role as coach.

A little disgruntled, and more than a little out of sorts, I settled back on the pillows and waited for the epidural to take effect. Pain continued to hit me in waves for the next several hours, with very little relief in sight. This was not the pain-free uptopia I had been promised. When I complained, they told me that everyone responds a little differently to epidurals.

I wanted my money back.

Hours later they brought the anesthesiologist back in for a second tap and additional medication. (Indiana deserted me again to go stand in the hallway during the procedure.) Not only was the epidural not taking care of the pain, but it was also slowing the progress. Contractions were coming in fast and furiously, thanks to the semi-aggressive use of the Pitocin in my IV, but I was not dilating. When they tapped me the second time, I was only dilated to a 6. Many more hours passed before they finally declared that I had reached 10 and I could push.

Frankly, I didn't have much energy left by then, but this was supposed to be the home stretch, right? A few pushes and then we were done. That's what all those epidural-experiencing experts had told me. Of course, most of them also gave birth to normal, 6-7 pound babies as opposed to bowling balls. I probably should have factored that in.

The first few pushes made me realize something was horribly wrong. I couldn't feel any progress. In fact, other than the pain of the contractions, I couldn't feel anything at all. It seems that, although the epidural was a complete failure at numbing the pain, it had done an excellent job at numbing the muscles I needed to use to push. Sometime later I learned that epidurals work well for nineteen out of twenty women.

Meet Number Twenty.

After an hour and a half of pushing that did nothing but drain the little bit of energy I had left, my doctor examined me and said he couldn't let me go on any longer. He told the nurses to prep for a c-section. I was horrified that it had come to this, but then one thought took precedence over everything else:

Did this mean we could stop the pain?

Marching into Madness Hodgepodge

2011-03-02T13:12:00.000-05:00

Don't you just hate it when someone starts a story on their blog and then leaves you hanging for say, a week and a half with no new post and no continuation and not even an explanation of why they suddenly dropped off the face of the cyberworld? Yeah, me too. Oh, wait a minute! That was me! A week and a half ago I started a completely scintillating story about the climactic entry of my third born child into this cold, cruel world, but I haven't been back to finish it. But if you're annoyed, imagine how I feel! I've been (in storyland, anyway) stuck in labor for the last week and a half! At any rate, I can explain a bit of my absence in my answer to #4 below. And I will attempt to finish my labor story--because who doesn't love a good labor story--tomorrow. But I couldn't miss the hodgepodge, not only because I missed it last week, but because hodgepodge so completely describes my life right now that I had to stop everything else I was doing and spend a few moments celebrating that wonderful word with all of you. So here goes: seven answers and a random thought. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what I have to say! (How's that for a random thought?)

1. March 2nd is Dr. Seuss's birthday so I'm wondering...do you like green eggs and ham? Okay-how about this instead...how do you like your eggs? Or don't you?
I like my eggs scrambled and served up at Bob Evans, smothered in sausage gravy with a side of bacon and biscuits. But since I'm on a diet, I take them hard boiled. And since the timer usually goes off after I've gone upstairs to take a shower, and since I usually ask the boys to take care of them for me, I end up with anything from soft boiled to extremely hard boiled depending on how well they were paying attention when the timer went off.

2. Is March coming in like a lion or something less ferocious where you live?
March is coming in more like a one and a half year old short hair domestic housecat. Old enough to stretch and sleep away lazy days in the warm sunshine, but still playful enough to romp through your life and keep things interesting--especially if someone forgets to shut the pantry doors before everyone leaves the house in the mornings.

3. Do you work better or worse under pressure?
That would depend on the pressure. And the work. And how I'm feeling that day. And what time of year it is. And ...

4. March Madness-are you a fan? It's college basketball in case you're wondering. And if you're outside the USA tell us-is there any sort of 'madness' taking place during March in your part of the world?
I had no idea what the "official" March Madness was until Joyce told us. In my part of the world, which is technically the USA, but is also Boydland, which is like no normal place on earth, March Madness consists of the Hectic Hodgepodge of my life the past few weeks as we've been working to get ready for the special services we're having every night this week at our church. The past couple of weeks have been very busy leading up to this week, and this week I'm mostly operating on about four hours of sleep a night, and although I'm enjoying the week very much, I'm not sure fan is the right word to use to describe the pace of my life right now.

5. Under what circumstances do you do your best thinking?
I try to avoid thinking whenever possible. It usually gets me into trouble. Although I really don't have spectacular success when I act without thinking either. Come to think of it. : )

6. What item of clothing from your wardrobe do you wear most often?
Underwear. Never leave home without it. (We wear it at home too. It's a family rule.)

7. Do you use sarcasm?
Did you read my answer to #6? I prefer to think of myself as creatively witty as opposed to sarcastic. I'm not sure the people who ended up in therapy because of me would agree, though.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Yeah, I got nuthin'. Sorry.

Seventeen Years Ago ...

2011-02-18T12:47:00.000-05:00

... I wasn't really in labor--I just wanted to get out of the house. We'd had an ice storm that week that knocked out the power for a lot of North Alabama. We had power, thankfully, but friends didn't and so they were staying with us all week as the South doesn't recover from ice easily. I was crowded, bored and nine months pregnant when the pains started. When the contractions held at every five minutes for an hour, I announced that I might be having a child that day.

Even then it wasn't a for sure thing. Our first bouncing baby boy, a 10 pounder, arrived after 32 excruciating hours of labor. (I use that fact as motivation every time I need to guilt him into something.) Our little ray of feminine sunshine rolled her 9 pound 12 ounce self into the world after 12 hours of labor. And ten days past her due date. If there was one thing I knew for sure, Boyd babies weren't in a hurry.

Our houseguests had no concept of the leisurely labor process. At five feet one inch, S was as big as my pinkie when she was nine months pregnant. Her babies came quickly because they literally had nowhere else to go, and she bounced them out with the speed and agility of Kobe Bryant on the baskbetball court. They lived the ninth month of her pregnancies in a restricted distance near the hospital and measured all activities by how long it would take to get to labor and delivery from the time the first pains hit.

"Feel like eating at Cracker Barrel?"

"They're on the south side of the street, and we'd have to cross traffic."

"Dennys?"

"Too many feet from the emergency entrance of the hospital. We'd better stick with Bob Evans instead."

So when I announced the impending arrival of our third child, and then Terry and I went on calmly eating our breakfast, it sent our company into a frenzy. Terry left soon after to do a painting job at a nearby apartment, leaving me to endure intermittent contractions--and two sets of eyes that watched my every move.

By that afternoon the waning pains and claustrophobia had taken their toll, and I decided to go find my husband. As I waddled out the front door, our friends reached for their coats and flexed their fingers in preparation for dialing 911. Apparently they were sure that, despite all evidence to the contrary, at any moment I would drop to the ground in the full throes of labor and give birth in the middle of the street. Silly friends. Even if I were to go instantly into full blown labor, pushing alone could take 2-3 hours. Plenty of time to get a load or two of wash done and still have the ambulance deposit me at the hospital before our dawdling child decided to make an appearance.

By now I was more than sure that I wasn't actually in labor. Stupid Braxton-Hicks contractions. But I was also equally sure that I wasn't going back into that apartment until I had a baby in my arms. I knew walking could sometimes bring labor on, so my plan was simple: find my husband and have him take me to Walmart. We'd walk around the store until I went into labor or until our friends got the electricity back on at their own home, however many days it took.

Terry was more or less agreeable to my plan, meaning he took me to Walmart for a while and then, because I was still occasionally having contractions, he insisted I go to the hospital to get checked out. I was not in the mood for a fake hospital visit, but he convinced me it was for the best. After all, he argued, we couldn't disappear for hours on end and then show up back at home without at least having stopped at the hospital.

So my pride forced me to end up spending the evening in a hospital bed, strapped to a fetal monitor and hooked up to an IV. After several hours they confirmed what I already knew: I was not in labor. I had exchanged two watchful people for an entire shift of them, and I felt more guilty when my doctor showed up to check on me.

I perked up a little when he told me he'd been thinking about my case and my history (gestational diabetes and big babies) and had decided that my pregnancy shouldn't go any longer anyway. Show back up at the hospital first thing Monday morning, he instructed. He'd induce and we'd get this pregnancy over with.

With the promise of the end being in sight, I was finally ready to go back home. One more day and then finally I would have this baby. What a relief!

I thought.

Can you say Pitocin?

The Presidents' Day Hodgepodge

2011-02-16T10:50:00.000-05:00

So we have a slightly chocolate-flavored and patriotic Hodgepodge for this week, but the rules as always are the same. Seven questions and a random thought. Always leave a comment, and then click on the link. So simple that I cannot tell a lie: there's no reason for you not to participate. Every week you say you want to, so now's your chance. Take a deep breath, square your shoulders and chop down that tree!

1. Your favorite chocolate treat?
Um, hello! Chocolate!

2. What more than anything else makes you feel loved?
Um, hello! Chocolate!

3. Cherries or blueberries?
Um, hello! Which one goes better with chocolate?! (I'm on a roll here.)

4. What is the one trait you most want the leader of your country to possess?
Can I be serious for a moment here? Thanks. I think the two traits that are an absolute must are honesty and the ability to lead. And I think both are in short supply. (I realize I'm getting a little political here, but I didn't ask the question. And after all, this is my blog. You have a different opinion, feel free to give it on your own blog.) : )

5. Are you a saver or a spender?
I save so that I have money to spend. The idea of building up hoards of money to leave to my children doesn't really appeal to me. Sorry, kids!

6. If you gave a party for all of your friends would they already know each other?
I don't know if they'd know each other, but if I'm giving a party for them, they'd better know me pretty well, and they'd better be bringing some pretty impressive hostess gifts. : )

7. Are you interested in antiques?
Yes, but we rarely get to go out because they have to be in bed early.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I work at not being too serious for the Hodgepodge--after all, who can be serious with a word like hodgepodge--but I wanted to give a more realistic answer for #2. I feel loved when my husband is in a crowd of people demanding his attention, and yet he turns and gives me a smile that says he's noticed me. I feel loved when he gives me a card and writes in it that I'm his best friend. I feel loved when he lets it slip that he was looking in my jewelry box to see if the earrings he got me for Valentine's Day were good enough or just like the other jewelry I have. Indiana's a pretty great guy, and he makes me feel loved an awful lot.

Okay, folks, that wasn't so hard, was it? So what are you waiting for? Be serious, be funny. Just don't be silent. Leave a comment and join the Hodgepodge. You're up next!

There Are Days ...

2011-02-12T10:04:00.005-05:00

... when living in a household full of males feels like just a little too much. Those days would be when things happen such as:

*Coming home from work to find my furniture rearranged. (that would be the couch moved directly in front of the TV so that they can be comfortable while they play video games.)

*Spending most of my life wondering what that smell is and ~~who~~ where it's coming from.

*Realizing for the one millionth time that whoever was assigned the dishes chore stopped halfway through the job.

*Using dead animal heads as household decorations.

I can do a lot of whining and complaining about these things normally, but I just read a great post by Mindee at Our Front Door about whining, so I feel a little guilty with the whole whining thing for the moment. And then I read a wonderful joint post by Joyce and Daughter 1 on From This Side of the Pond about how good it was to spend time together. Their post made me cry, and then I decided that I wanted to make a list of things that I appreciate about living in a household full of guys. These are off the top of my head, so I'm not sure if I'll come up with a Top Ten, but here it is--reasons to be grateful I'm the only female living with six males:

1. I never take out the garbage. Ever.

2. If I'm not driving, I always get shotgun.

3. There's always someone around to help me carry in the groceries. And we have a LOT of groceries.

4. I don't have a lot of cooking demands put on me. If I throw pizza sauce on it, they'll call it good.

5. A lot of nights I get to choose what we watch on TV--as long as it's not chick stuff.

6. They try their best to give encouraging comments. "Your arms aren't nearly as big as they used to be." "I like your hair poofy."

7. I'm never missing clothes, shoes or jewelry because someone wanted to borrow them. (That would be a whole other issue in itself, I think.)

8. Once in a great while I can get one of them to brush my hair for me--but I can't tell you which one because then I'd have to kill you.

9. None of them complain when I ask them to dig in my purse to find a lipstick or some mints for me while I'm driving. They just sigh and ask me if I want the Mocha Freeze or the Sheer Blush.

10. All of them are willing to give me a hug and a kiss, whether we're in public or not. Sometimes I don't even have to ask for it.

Hey, what do you know! I did come up with ten after all. And now I'm feeling pretty good about living with all my guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find out where that smell is coming from.

P.S. The gangster pictures are from an old-time photo place we went to over the holidays.

Lovin' the Hodgepodge

2011-02-09T00:00:00.002-05:00

Every week you've gotta hand it to Joyce. Not wind, nor rain nor sleet nor snow will keep her from her appointed questions. Seven easy (or not-so-easy) questions to answer, followed by one random thought. Leave your comments and then click on the link to see what everyone else had to say. Even add your own link so everyone knows what you think about this week's questions! It's easy, it's fun, and you know you want to. So what're you waiting for?

1. What is more important-doing what you love or loving what you do?
If you love what you do, then aren't you doing what you love? Or am I missing something here?

2. Do you like bleu cheese?
No, and I'm even less fond of green cheese.

3. What is the most difficult emotion for you to handle?
Someone else's.

4. Fresh flowers or a box of chocolate?
If all I get is one chocolate in the box, than I think I'd rather have the flowers. But it better be a pretty big bouquet!

5. What's a song you love that has the word 'love' in its title? It doesn't have to be a 'love song'.
"If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low". I've never actually heard the song, but the title cracked me up.

6. Are you the person you wanted to be when you grew up?
No, unfortunately. I wanted to be Wonder Woman, but I still lack the invisible plane. And a few other things.

7. Any special Valentines Day plans?
Ever since I gave birth on Valentine's Day seventeen years ago, the day's been given over to birthday celebrations. You'd think Luke could have waited one more day!

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Sometimes you just need to spit. Or maybe that's just me.

A Real Reality Series

2011-02-08T11:58:00.002-05:00

One of my coworkers was sent this by her daughter-in-law. I have no idea where the daughter-in-law got it, so I can't give credit any further back than that. I think it's hysterical, but if it were real, I would definitely watch it!

THE

NEXT SURVIVOR

SERIES

Six married men

will be dropped on an island

with one car

and 3 kids each

for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports

and take either music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must

take care of his 3 kids; maintain his career,

keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework,

complete science projects,

cook,

do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills

with not enough money.

In addition,

each man

will have to budget enough money

for groceries each week.

Each man

must remember the birthdays

of all their friends and relatives,

and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child

to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and

inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes

for a school function.

Each man will be responsible for

decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside, and keeping it

presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television

when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn themselves with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished,

and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure severe

abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches,

have extreme, unexplained mood swings

but never once complain or slow down

from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings

and church,

and find time at least once to spend

the afternoon at the park or a similar

setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night

and in the morning,

feed them,

dress them,

brush their teeth and

comb their hair

by 7:30 am.

A test will be given

at the end of the six weeks,

and each father will be required to know

all of the following information:

each child's

birthday,

height, weight,

shoe size, clothes size,

doctor's name,

the child's weight at birth,

length, time of birth,

and length of labor,

each child's favorite color,

middle name,

favorite snack,

favorite song,

favorite drink,

favorite toy,

biggest fear,

and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins if, and only if,

he still

has enough energy

to be intimate with his spouse

at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,

he can play the game over and over and over

again for the next 18-25 years,

eventually earning the right

to be called Mother!

After you get done laughing,

send this to as many females as

you think will get a kick out of it and

as many men as you think can handle it.

Just don't send it back to me....

I'm going to bed.

FYI, I sent it to some female friends, but I didn't send it to any males. I just don't think they'd get it.