Random Dozen!!

And it's time again for a dozen random questions about me that you never thought of until you saw this list but now absolutely cannot go on until you know my answers.

1. Which physical trait do you now accept--maybe not love, but accept--and no longer feel extremely self-conscious about?

I'm okay with the gigantic wart on my nose. My humpback still bothers me, but I refuse to have another cosmetic surgery after the last did that thing to the left side of my mouth. You know. The thing. Yeah. Not going there again!

2. This week Meredith Baxter Birney, best known as the mom on the favorite 80s sitcom "Family Ties" came out of the closet, which led me to formulate this question: Who do you think is/was the best TV mom?

Just for the record, coming out of the closet does not a good mom make. But then again, you have to give her points for getting in the closet. I can't even shut the door on mine.

3. Do you speak any foreign languages? Are there any you'd like to learn?

Parlez-vous Francais? Sprechen sie Deutsch? Parli Italiano? Hablas Espanol? Actually, I don't speak any of those languages beyond the above questions. I do know a smattering of Swahili, Atesso and Japadohla, but mostly just the greetings. But I'm great at igpa atinla! My son, Nicky, had his own language. All the kids at school called it "Nicky language", but to my knowledge no one else was fluent in it.

4. Who is your personal hero?

Okay, by personal hero, do you mean a superhero that shows up whenever I yell for him, or turn on my bat signal? 'Cause I don't have one of those. (Superhero, that is. I do have a bat signal, but I don't use it. Why would I want to call a bat?) I used to like Wonder Woman although that costume was ridiculous. And what good is having an invisible jet if you're not invisible when you're in it?

5. What is one holiday food that you find extremely difficult to resist over- indulging in?

One? Seriously? Like this holiday season isn't stressful enough, now you have to make me choose just one delicious food that I'm allowed to overeat? Now I'm stressed out enough that I think I'm going to have to have a lunch consisting of Christmas cookies.

6. Tell me about a Christmas decoration that has special meaning or sentimental value.

Well the Christmas tree has always meant a lot to me. And I'm very fond of the Christmas wreath. But I also like the smaller things, such as the Christmas soap dispensers and holiday bathroom towels.

7. How do you feel about snow?

We don't really talk anymore. It was nothing specific that drew us apart, but I moved away and snow didn't care enough to follow me. It's not even like it had to move down here, but an occasional email or a call on Christmas Day would have been nice. Apparently our relationship wasn't as deep as I thought it was. I'm bitter, but I try not to dwell on it.

8. On average, how many hours of sleep do you get each night? Not that I'm jealous of any number over three or anything.

Would this be hours of uninterrupted sleep or just sleep from the time you turn out the light until the alarm clock goes off? Because I usually get five hours, but it's not always uninterrupted. Sometimes nature calls during the middle of the night, you know. And then sometimes I wake up because I was having this really horrible nightmare about someone trying to poison me with a needle to the back of the neck. Or a horrible nightmare about a murderous doctor who just found out that I know she did it, and therefore she's stalking me through the hospital. Or a horrible nightmare about a plane crash and then someone is killing off all the stranded survivors. (I'm not making this up! I dreamed this long before J.J. Abrams did!)

9. Tell me about your first crush.

It was delicious and cold, with a delightfully sticky orange taste, and little ice crystals forming on the can. : )

10. You're stuck in a room for 2 hours with only a chalkboard and chalk. What will you write/draw?

If I'm stuck in a room for 2 hours with only a chalkboard and chalk, I would probably be writing "I will not throw spitwads at the teacher" 2000 times.

11. Do you dress for the current temp or for the day's forecast?

I think a better way to phrase this question would be, "Are you shortsighted, or do you plan ahead?" Shortsighted people are toasty warm in the morning, but sweltering in their warm sweater and boots by noon. People that plan ahead tend to shiver in the morning, but they deal with it by drinking Starbucks and enjoying the mid-seventies that come later in the day.

12. Favorite Christmas movie is?

I really like White Christmas. Oh, and there's also that movie about the murderous doctor that's stalking someone through a hospital on Christmas Eve ... wait, I think that was my dream last night.

If you want more answers to random questions, or just answers that make sense, click on the link at the top of the post!

A View of the Holiday: The Bad ...

Yesterday I covered some of the fun of the season: watching Christmas movies! Today I'm moaning about some of the stuff that's not so fun.

Do you send Christmas cards? And if you do, what type of sender are you? What? You didn't know there were different types of Christmas card senders? Sure you did.

There's the type that picks a beautiful card. They write a long, chatty newsletter on red or green paper, filled with the events their family enjoyed throughout the past twelve months. Their list of card recipients resembles Santa's "nice" list in length, but they still take time to write a little personal note in each card. They have holiday stamps and seals to adorn the envelope, and you usually receive their card within a few days after Thanksgiving. Are you one of those? You know, the annoying ones?

Then there's the kind of people that pick out a great card. They don't usually have as long a list, but they write a little personal note in the cards they send out. They collect the cards that come to them and display them in a beautiful Christmas arrangement that not only adds to the decorations, but also shows people just how many friends they have. And somehow all of their friends send just as beautiful a card as they do.

Rushed people also do cards. They scramble to get all their cards done on time, but it's usually about halfway through December before they're all out. They sign the names of all their family members on the card, although if they have more than two children, they're likely to simply sign "Bob and Jane and the kids", rather than writing out all the kids' names. They might use holiday stamps, but in a pinch they'll use a plain one, just to get the job done so they can move on to other things.

Then there's the people that buy the box of assorted Christmas cards at the Dollar Store. You can recognize them because that's probably why you have a penguin or a kitten on the front of your card. That's what was next in the box. Their Christmas card list consists of anyone who sent them a card this year. Every time they get a card in the mail, they pull another card out of the box, slap on an address label and mail it off--right up until Christmas Eve.

The last group is the well-off ones. They have beautiful embossed cards printed with a wonderful message. The printing includes the signing of their name, so they don't actually have to write in any of the cards at all. And their secretary stuffs the envelopes, prints off the address labels and uses the company postage meter before dropping them in the mail.

Which type of card sender are you? Which type do you think I am? : )

See, here's my thinking on cards. I have to do them. I want to get a lot of Christmas cards in the mail. I want the physical proof that people actually like me and are thinking of me during the holiday season. Even the ones sending pre-printed cards--I envision a little gleam in their eye as they see my name and address on that label. They thought enough of me that they spent the money on the card and the .44 postage (it is .44 cents still, isn't it?) in order to send the message that they were thinking of me this season.

With that in mind, when you get my card you can know I was thinking of you. Even if the card does have a puppy curled up next to the fireplace on the front. Even if I sign it "and kids". Hey, when you've got as many as I do, you could do serious physical damage to your wrist trying to write out that many names that many times.

As for the letter or the little personal notes? Well, if you want to know what we've been up to throughout the year, follow my blog. Or sign up to be my facebook friend. (That would have to be after the new year, when I actually have a facebook page.) Let's face it. My life isn't that interesting anyway. And I like to stay humble. Sometimes those Christmas letters are just a means of letting everyone know you went to Europe for the summer. Good for you. Where's my souvenir?

See, if you haven't heard from me all year or I haven't heard from you, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't try to make our friendship into something deeper. Be content with the fact that I at least think enough of you to think of you this time of year and hope you have a Merry Christmas. But to be honest, I don't really need to hear that you did have one.

And if you want to know how my holiday season turns out, keep turning up here.

Merry Christmas.

A View of The Holiday: The Good ...

The next couple of days (two? four? As many as I feel like?) I wanted to cover different aspects of our family's holiday time. Today I'm covering some good stuff I like to do during December. I always have to catch a few Christmas movies, but there are three that top my list. They are absolute must-sees every year. When I was growing up, we had to wait for them to come on the television, and my mom and sisters and I would have to stay up however late in order to see the movie. Now, thanks to DVD's, these movies are available for my viewing pleasure on my timetable. And I enjoy them every year.

The first movie I always watch is Christmas in Connecticut. Barbara Stanwyck plays Elisabeth Lane, a writer who has a regular column in a popular ladies magazine. Elisabeth writes about the best recipes and how to decorate your home for Christmas. She advises on marriage and on babies, and the circulation of the magazine goes up when Elisabeth announces she's having her own baby as well. Things could not be better for Elisabeth until her boss decides she needs to give an injured sailor a real Christmas in her country home. The only problem is, Elisabeth has no home in the country. Neither does she have a husband, a baby or the ability to cook. Elisabeth spends her holiday frantically trying to fool her boss and the sailor as to her true state. Things don't improve when she ends up falling for the sailor, who thinks Elisabeth is a married woman.

I also love watching Holiday Inn. Bing Crosby plays Jim Hardy, a showbiz guy who loses his fiancee to his best friend. So Jim decides to open up a club in Connecticut, the catch being that it is only open on holidays. He finds a beautiful woman to help with the singing and dancing. Then Jim's old friend Ted shows up, having been dumped by Jim's former fiancee. Ted falls for Jim's new woman too, and woos her with a movie offer from Hollywood.


Both of the above movies are great, but my all time favorite is White Christmas. Who can resist the singing of Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney, as Bob Wallace and Betty Haynes? The two characters fall prey to the clumsy matchmaking attempts of his business partner (in search of "forty-five minutes all to myself") and Betty's younger sister. Along with the shenanigans of Phil Davis and Judy Haynes, there is the backdrop of the guys' attempts at helping an old army general make a go of his Vermont Inn. Gives me warm fuzzies just to think about it.

So that's my list. But what about you? What movies do you watch every year? Which ones are needed in order to make your holidays complete?

Tis the Season - To Advertise

You know how some commercials just stay with you? The advertisements that tug at your heart or make you laugh and tap your foot--the ones where you have to stay and watch, even if you've been waiting for a commercial so you could run to the bathroom?

With the Christmas shopping season in full swing, the advertisements are hitting an all time high. There's a radio commercial going on right now with the top ten reasons to buy a car at Christmas. I love top ten lists, and this one made me laugh. Three of the reasons were: the perfect stocking stuffer for your garage; the one gift you know won't be re-gifted; and three words: new car smell.

But for every great commercial out there, there's hundreds that make you grown or that just stink. Some commercials are so awful, they almost become an anti-favorite. When I was growing up, there was a local remodeling company that ran an advertisement. It showed two young adults (clearly not professional actors) sitting in a car. The "actors" barely restrained themselves from looking at the camera as they recited their lines in monotones. Instead of voice inflection, they used hesitation and stilted speech to get their message across.

Girl: Randy. could. this. be. Aunt Carol's. house?
Man: (Good imitation of William Shatner in Star Trek) It. looks. like. it. Except--a lot. newer.

Now picture the couple with self-conscious grins through the entire commercial. It was so awful it cracked us up. We recited the lines to each other at random just for the fun of it.

As always, in addition to the great advertisements and the terrible ones, you have the dumb ones. This year the dumb ones seem to fall into two categories. The first ones are the commercials with the too-little-too-late disclaimer. These are the commercials that tout a website or a phone number for kids to call. They make the entire commercial so exciting that no child could possibly say no. Then at the very end, in a hurried voice, the announcer quietly reminds the kids to ask their parents before they call or go online. Yeah, right. Like that happens.

It's bad enough when the advertisements target kids, but I think it's even worse when they air an alcohol advertisement, and then quietly remind people to "drink responsibly". Stupid phrase. This morning I heard a commercial for a tourist gambling franchise. The commercial was filled with people cheering, laughing and having fun. At the end the announcer said, "If you have a gambling problem, dial 1-800-admitit." I am not making this up.

Not quite as seriously bad, but equally annoying are the dumb commercials that use words in ways they weren't meant to be used. Nouns do not show action, people. They cannot be used as verbs, no matter how hard you try. I suppose in some ways that association has worked. For instance, for many years people "xeroxed" something when they wanted to use a copier. But that doesn't always work. Have you ever "kleenexed" your nose? "Ovened" your food? I didn't think so.

There is a restaurant in the area called Pollo Tropical. It's my understanding that pollo (pronounced po-yo) is "chicken" in Spanish. This restaurant has a commercial that ends with the words, "It's time to pollo." Seriously? It's time to chicken? What does that even mean? That is one of the stupidest phrases I've ever heard, and yes, it actually keeps me from eating there.

Kohl's is one of my all time favorite stores, but right now they've even gotten on the stupid bandwagon. Their catch phrase this year? "The more you know the more you Kohl's." What? I've never "Kohl's"ed anything in my life. I wouldn't know how, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be appropriate.

What I'm really afraid of is that society has dumbed down so much that these commercials actually make sense. Well I won't have it. Someone has to take a stand for intelligence and grammar and the English language. I guess that someone is me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to secretary by computering my reports.

So what about you? Got a favorite commercial or one you really hate? Share it here!

Making A List and Checking It Twice

Every year, whether for birthdays or for Christmas, I always have my children make a wish list. Near Christmas time I carry these lists in my purse, so that if I happen to be at a store with some good sales, I can haul out the lists and hopefully get something they actually want. These lists can get pretty specific at times as they start indicating preferred colors, sizes and accessories. (We're talking toys here for the most part, btw.) Last year and this year we simplified a lot of the Christmas shopping because we got one big gift that the entire family could enjoy. Then the presents under the tree consisted of needed items such as clothes and/or shoes.

Price has no limit on these Christmas lists from my kids. They're usually long lists with absolutely every "wish" thrown in. They start with the stuff that they know is a possibility, but then they progress to things like cars and expensive electronics. They don't ever get those expensive things, but I always get a kick out of how literally they take their wish lists.

This year I'm doing my own list. And in the interest of taking "wish" literally, my list has no price tag either. So for what it's worth, here's the top ten things I want for Christmas.

1. A book contract. Nothing too complicated. A three book deal with the option for movie rights. And I get to say who plays me.

2. A house that truly cleans itself. If you can have a self-cleaning oven, I don't see why the fridge can't clean it's own shelves and throw out old leftovers. And why shouldn't the dishwasher unload itself? I'd like to see my appliances pulling their own weight.

3. A Honda CRV. I've always wanted an SUV and quite frankly, these crossover deals do nothing for me. Why would I want to buy what looks like an enlarged station wagon? I want something that actually looks like it should have four wheel drive.

4. Snow on Christmas Eve. I realize this is a long shot in Florida, but I never said this list was rooted in reality.

5. Exercise equipment that makes me lose weight just by looking at it. Hey, if I can gain ten pounds looking at a dessert table, getting it off should be just as easy!

6. Christmas lights that actually work. Bonus would be outdoors lights in the bushes that don't burn out two days after you spend the time putting them up.

7. A great looking pair of purple heels. Because I've always wanted some.

8. Something to wear that matches the purple shoes. Otherwise, what's the point?

9. A green thumb. My plants always look a little brown around the edges. Okay, some of them look brown all the way through.

10. A trip to Europe. First class, of course. Backpacking across Europe is not my idea of a good time. If I need to find myself, I'm sure I could do it in a five star hotel.

So what about you? Got any wishes this year? Join the fun and let your imagination run wild!

Random Dozen!

I know this is two posts in one day, but I've already missed several of these and I wanted to go with this one.

1. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?

I am most like Dorothy because I like to be the star, I love red shoes, and I know several people I'd like to drop a house on.

2. When you're deciding what you're going to wear each morning, which item do you select first? Why?

I select the under garments first because people tend to stare if you put them on last.

3. What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?

I know it's a reptile and not an animal, but I think the world could live without snakes. I know I could!

4. How many Christmas trees are in your home?

Only one at the moment. I want more than one, but I'm afraid the boys would think more trees mean more presents.

5. Would you prefer to be emotionless if it mean you didn't have to feel a heartbreak?

On one hand, heartbreak can build character. On the other hand, I think I have enough character for now.

6. Do you ever experience holiday let-down or depression?

Absolutely. Every single time I didn't measure up to the perfect holiday experience it was a let down. I finally dealt with it by killing off my inner Martha. Try it--it's very therapeutic.

7. Do you like Michael Jackson's music?

I like his "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause". That's about it.

8. Why is it that we never judge people who have their teeth fixed for cosmetic reasons, but every other cosmetic procedure has a stigma?

Perhaps because getting your teeth fixed does not enlarge them beyond what nature intended.

9. Enjoy horseback riding?

I do, but I can't speak for the horse.

10. Shoes--practical or stylish?

Oh so totally stylish, baby! I'll endure pain for pretty shoes any time!

11. What was the name of your first pet? Feel free to post a pic.

The first pet I remember us having was Chocolate, a chocolate lab. She had puppies on Thanksgiving Day. My mom was not pleased. Chocolate did not stay long at our house.

12. What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done?

I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question because it implies the use of a mathematical equation. I'm already suffering from a raging headache trying to figure out how much is 30% off of something that costs $29.99, and then calculating whether I'm actually saving money when the item was priced at $19.99 last month. I'm just stunned to realize that "X=5" does not work for every mathematical situation.

Click the link at the top if you want to see more random dozen answers!

Leggo My ... Legos?

I hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving! Thanks to so many people who called, emailed or posted. I really appreciate your thinking of me and praying for me. We did have a wonderful holiday, and I thought I would share a few pictures.


I think I got these in opposite order, but here's some of the aftermath of the Thanksgiving meal.


And this was the big decision on which type of pie to have. My boys solved the problem by having multiple slices of every pie. I'm not sure our hosts had any food left in the house by the time we headed home.



This would be the clean up crew.



And this is the cooking crew.

I never realized before how much legos have had a part in our holiday celebrations. But as I watched the boys turn our hosts' living room into a lego factory, I realized that this has happened quite a bit through the years. Gotta love the legos.

And finally, my part of our Thanksgiving dinner. After reading this post in memory of my Mom, our hostess decided that I needed to make the mashed potatoes. Truth be told, I did learn to make mashed potatoes from my mother. However, in the past few years the only time I've made "real" mashed potatoes was at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Other than that the speed of life has demanded instant potatoes. So I felt the pressure to produce something wonderful. I was running late Thanksgiving morning and didn't have time to peel the potatoes before we left, so I ended up peeling them in the van on the way over. I had ten pounds of potatoes to peel, and it took most of the ride. And no, I did not drive while peeling! The most telling part was, while our hosts found it amusing that I'd peeled on the drive over, they were not particularly surprised. I don't even want to think about what that says about me.

Suffice it to say, the potatoes turned out perfect--creamy, lump-less perfection. Now if I'd only remember to take a picture of the finished project ... or had someone take a picture of me peeling on the go ...