Female Hunting

From the title of this post, you might think that I am going to write about hunting females.

You would be wrong.

Earlier this month, this wonderful man that I've been married to for twenty-five and a half years left on a two-week hunting trip to Wyoming. This trip had been planned for over a year, and Indiana was very excited about it. He and the group he was going with planned on camping out up in the mountains, and Indiana filled many an hour with collecting and packing all the supplies he would need for this testosterone-filled adventure.

I have not gone hunting for wild game, but I've been married long enough to a hunter that I know the rules. Even if they have cell phone service (and they didn't in the mountains) they will not have the sound on because it could startle the deer. Indiana won't even turn his phone to vibrate, because the sudden movement could surprise him, and he could end up falling out of his tree stand. Or worse yet (in his mind) his sudden movement could scare away his prey.

So when Indiana took off on his epic journey, I knew that there would be limited contact for the next two weeks. And being seven or eight states away, there wasn't much he could help me with anyway.

I, the dutiful wife, stayed home with our six children. Yes, one of them is married and another one is an adult, but they will still always need their mother. During the two weeks he was gone, I went to work everyday and also homeschooled our four boys because I'm multi-talented that way.

 Stephanie and Luke painted the stairway, and the wall that looks so dingy behind Terry in the picture is now a glowing golden color that looks really good with my fall decorations. Steph and Luke also pressure-washed the outside of the house and the driveway, and we spent two days tracking and killing one of these spiders that was loose in my bedroom. By "we", I mean Luke tracked and killed it while Stephanie and I alternately issued orders, screamed in panic and cheered Luke on.

Note:  I slept in Steph's room until the spider was killed and removed from the house.

All of this was done without consulting Indiana. He knew nothing of any of these happenings until he returned from the wilds of Wyoming--with two antelope and two deer, by the way. (He would not be happy if I didn't point that out.)

The day after he returned, Stephanie and I made a trip to our old home in Alabama. We stayed with friends and engaged in a great deal of female hunting:  bargain shopping at a variety of places, including thrift stores and Catos. (I love that place!) I did have cell phone service the entire time we were gone, though, and Indiana took full advantage of that fact.

While we were in one store, he called to ask me about ordering airline tickets online. He wanted me to talk him through the process screen-by-screen, but I am not tech support. I finally suggested that he leave it to me and I would order the tickets later that day when I had access to a computer.

When we were in the second store, Indiana called again to ask if I'd ordered the tickets yet. I reminded him that I wouldn't be at a computer until after supper. Then he said he'd figured it out, but he still ended up wanting me to talk him through some of the steps. He finally hit the point of agreeing that he should wait and let me do it.

I should mention that Indiana orders stuff online all the time. But never airline tickets. To the best of my knowledge, I've always arranged any travel details when flying is involved.

Through two more stores and the start of dinner at Olive Garden with friends, Indiana texted me with details of what he wanted for the airline tickets. I texted back that this was why I needed an ipad. Then I could have taken care of the tickets as soon as he called me. That comment stopped any further texts and calls, and I made the airline reservations as soon as I got to a computer.

The following day I was visiting with friends when Indiana called again. Apparently there was some discrepancy between the price he had seen online and the actual price I paid for the tickets. Multiple calls and texts later, I finally figured out that the airline had charged me for flight insurance that I had not asked for. Multiple calls and a long hold time later, the money was reimbursed to our account.

The next day, our last before traveling home, Stephanie and I were on our way to a meeting when Indiana texted me to ask if I could order pizza for them.

Yes, I was two states away.

Yes, he was serious.

Rather than argue the insanity of the request, I simply asked what they wanted, and then used the app on my phone to order it. Then I texted the price and pick up time back to him.

It was just easier that way.

I'm thinking that next time I go on a trip, I need to turn my phone off when I engage in female hunting. After all, the sound of the ringer could scare away the sales.

Or I could get startled and fall out of the checkout line. What do you think?