The Genuine Boyds Bear

So let me start by pointing out that we don't live in a rural area. We don't live near a rural area. We're in a suburb of Orlando, Florida. The only wild animals we should see running around are Chip and Dale. And the occasional alligator.

Not only are we in a suburb, but we're in a subdivision. A genuine, bonafide subdivision with a name and HOA nazis and everything. Seriously. We get "gentle" reminder letters if we leave our garbage cans at the curb for too long or if we have weeds growing in our cracks. (Cracks in the driveway, people! Even the Homeowner Nazis don't look that closely so get your mind out of the gutter.)

I must admit, I'm beginning to see the sense in removing your garbage cans from the curb as soon as they're empty. Or even removing them from the property completely. It seems that garbage cans are the real life pik-a-nik baskets for roaming Yogi-wannabes.

There were rumors that a bear had been seen in the area. I saw one several months ago about a mile from our subdivision. It was crossing a very busy street with the lumbering cadence of an animal that might have taken too seriously his need to store up fat for the winter. Especially given that he's apparently chosen to hibernate in Florida. Then we heard that one had been seen inside our subdivision. Then we heard that one had been seen in the conservation land right behind our house.

Even at that I wasn't too worried. That conservation land is less than a mile wide, and there's a bar and a highway on the other side of it. Didn't seem like a place where wildlife would really like to hang out. Except a couple of weeks ago I was headed back on a Sunday night from dropping our son back off at college. It was late, and I was chatting on the phone with my husband. He had just gotten home from church and was complaining that some sort of critter had gotten into our garbage, even hauling some of it off to the edge of the woods. He speculated that it was a bear because entire bags had been dragged across the small clearing and ripped apart at the edge of the trees.

Suddenly I heard my husband gasp over the phone and then say, "It is a bear! It is a bear; I just saw it come out of the woods. I'll have to call you back." Common sense would indicate that he was hanging up because he had to call the authorities.

Common sense would be wrong.

I waited an hour for someone to call me back and reassure me that the bear hadn't eaten my entire family. I was not thrilled to find out that Indiana and our grown son, Matt, had chased the bear back into the woods.

Chasing bears does not seem very prudent to me.

A week or so later I reminded the boys to set out the garbage for pick up in the morning. A short time later I came downstairs to find the garbage ignored and all of the boys joining their dad for a movie in the family room. When I reminded them about the garbage, I was informed that they were waiting for the bear to go away before they went outside.

I suggested (more than once) that we should store the garbage cans in the garage to keep from being the neighborhood drive-through for wildlife. I've been soundly ignored. (More than once.)

Tuesday night my husband was on the phone with Luke, our son at college. On nice nights Indiana likes to pace up and down the driveway while he chats. Don't ask me why. At any rate, he opened the front door the front door, mind you, and came almost face to face with the bear. I guess if we're not going to put out our garbage early enough, Yogi is now feeling free to come knock on the door and remind us of our duty to share our garbage bounty with those less fortunate.

The bear was literally on the sidewalk, between our driveway-parked vehicles and the house. Startled by Indiana's sudden appearance, the bear hurried over to the (small) clearing at the side of our house. I guess he realized we wouldn't chase him any farther because he turned around and sat down not ten feet from the house. He looked like a giant dog. (We tried taking pictures by the way, but when you take a picture of a black bear at night, there's really not a whole lot to see.) After a few moments of sitting at attention, Yogi sprawled lazily in the yard and watched the cars drive by.

He also watched all of my men-folk who were congregated in our driveway. I couldn't convince any of them that standing there with nothing between them and the bear was not the smartest move I've ever seen them make. Being the only one with some common sense, I went inside to cower and watch the bear through the family room window.

After about ten minutes, I was relieved to see the bear get up and waddle away from us down the sidewalk. I was not so relieved a moment later when Indiana moved into view. He was less than 10 feet behind the bear, and was following (re: chasing) the bear away from the house. At that point I couldn't stand to watch any longer so I did the only thing that made sense. I closed the blinds and re-confirmed the amount of life insurance I'd be receiving.

The bear eventually left. Someone called the police, but by the time they got there, Yogi was long gone. One neighbor called animal control, but they said they couldn't do anything because there hadn't been an "incident". That left me wondering how much blood had to be shed for it to be considered an incident.

Stephanie named the bear Yogi because she said we couldn't have a normal bear visit us; we had to have a grandstanding one.

I'm just worried that Yogi is auditioning one of the boys to play BooBoo.

Hodgepodge 101

I know the title sounds like a class course. But after 100 Hodgepodges under our belts (and that's the only reason for the bulge around the middle!) we're going back to the basics. Well, the Hodgepodgers might not, but I am. The basics, of course, would be what we do every Wednesday. Read and laugh. Then comment, click, repeat. Very simple and you'll get an A+ for effort!

 

1.  What rule of life should never be broken?
Breathe. If you ignore this basic rule, life tends to be rather short.

2.  What's your favorite family recipe?
Ice. I'm a master at making it, and it's always requested at our church fellowships.

3.  Is the media manipulative?
Is the sky blue? Is the White House white? Are boys going to make a mess? Am I going to be sarcastic?

4. Hubs and I saw Skyfall last weekend...are you a fan of the Bond films? If so, who's your favorite Bond?
I've never actually watched all of a Bond film. I'm more of an Indiana Jones girl, what with being married to him and all.

5. What is one thing you hope people never say about you?
I hope people never say, "Jill who?"

6.  What's a nearby tourist attraction you'd like to see, but haven't gotten around to visiting?
Disney World. We can't afford to take the whole family. But since our family is one tent short of a circus anyway, I don't think we're missing out on much.

7.  Where's your favorite tree?
The one in the garage. It's in a box labeled Christmas.

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

Life with Indiana Jones has its own set of rules and hair-raising adventures. Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about the bear that has adopted us.

 

Yeah. I said bear.

 

 

The Centennial and Completely Common Hodgepodge

As is completely common for something as auspicious as the 100th Hodgepodge, I can't make the linky-picture-thing work on my blog this morning. (I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm so technical I call it a linky-picture-thing.) At any rate, by now you know what this is, and you know what to do. Read the questions, laugh or nod thoughtfully in the appropriate places at my answers, leave a comment and then click this link and go see everyone else's answer at Joyce's blog. Hopefully Joyce will be able to fully participate in this wonderful and epic Hodgepodge, although power at her place is questionable as she is right in the middle of all the havoc Sandy has caused this week. We're praying for you, Joyce!

By the way, the reason for the title is because of Joyce's eloquent introduction this week. The Hodgepodge really is not about the monumental in our lives, but about the everyday minutae that make up our day. Sometimes it's poignant, sometimes it's funny or thoughtful, but always it's us in all of our flawed glory. Of course, Joyce expressed this thought much better than I did, so go read what she had to say. After you finish here, of course.

1. What creeps you out?
Feet. I know they're necessary, but they're gross.

2. What's your least favorite candy?
Why would I have a least favorite? Candy is candy and it makes me happy. Except for candy that is hot instead of sweet, like redhots. That makes absolutely no sense.

3. Are you a fan of scary movies? What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
I like suspense movies, but not horror. And sometimes a movie starts out as suspense, but crosses over into horror. That's never fun. Like the movie where the woman's head ended up in the dryer. A laundry room is never a good place in a scary movie. Come to think of it, my laundry room scares me all the time.

4. What part of life confuses you the most?
The living it part.

5. Pumpkin, sunflower, sesame, poppy...what's your favorite seed?
Why settle for a seed when you can have the whole pumpkin, sunflower, poppy or ... sesame?

6. Imagine your life ten years from today...what's changed?
Certainly not the amount of gray in my hair. It will still be mostly nonexistent, thanks to Clariol. Maybe by then I'll look good in hats. You never know.

7. What do you a) love the most and b) like the least about the Hodgepodge?
I love that it's always there. I don't like when I miss joining in, although I don't think that's the fault of the Hodgepodge or its creator.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Two more of my children are old enough to vote in this election. I helped both of them through the process, and even thought I was a good sport for helping them celebrate this milestone. Then Paul reminded me at dinner that he would be voting in the next election. I had a little trouble swallowing for the moment. He waited until I took another mouthful before casually mentioning that Joel would also be voting in the next election.

I barely managed to avoid spitting my food across the table.

Hmmm. Now that I think about question 6, perhaps in ten years the kids will have to be helping me get through the voting process!

Ninety-Nine Bottles of Hodgepodge on the Wall

So we're at ninety-nine Hodgepodges and counting. Can't wait to see what Joyce comes up with for the big 1-0-0! Click on the link to read everyone else's answers and to post your own. Join in before we reach 100!

1.  So, do you like beer? 

Root Beer once in a great while. But when I sing the ninety-nine bottles song, I usually sing ninety-nine bottles of Coke. Mostly because it's single syllable and fits in the space.

2.  What's your least favorite repetitive task?

Exercise. Seems like I'm never done with it.

3.  When was the last time you rode a bus?  Where was it headed?

I drive the Boyd Bus everywhere I go.

4.  What song from your childhood or from your own children's childhood could make a parent's nerves stand on end?

This question implies that there's a children's song that wouldn't make a parent's nerves stand on end. The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round, John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, One of These Things Is Not Like the Other ... Am I driving you crazy yet? Any of these songs going to stick in your head for the rest of the day? How about This is the Song That Never Ends? 

Now you hate me, don't you?

5.  The US Presidential election cycle is drawing to a close (can I get an AMEN??), and the third and final debate was held last night...what was the last thing you 'debated about'?

I don't debate so much as I passionately discuss. There's a fine line there.

6.  Can a person make too much money?  How much is too much?

I don't know if a person can make too much, but I volunteer to be the guinea pig and find out. And too much is probably just a little bit more than anyone has. 

7.  Pop-soda-coke-something else...what's it called where you live? 

I don't care as long as you serve it with ice. 

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

Referring to Question #4, I don't know why but the theme song from The Rescuers always sticks in my mind. And when it gets stuck there it stays for a couple of days. Seriously. I'll get up during the night to use the bathroom and still find that song running through my head. It makes me want to smash something.

My children try to plant it in my head on purpose. They are devils.

Where Have You Been?!?

Hello! Yes, I know it's been awhile and I didn't even participate in the Hodgepodge this week and where on earth have I been?

Well, I could give you the short story, but what would be the fun in that?

 

 

You may recall that Luke is the big college guy now, although I still sometimes see him as the baby with three pacifiers.

 

The little boy waving is Paul. He just turned 16. I'm struggling to keep up with life. I think this picture was just taken last month.

 

In addition to my children just deciding to grow up on me, we also had to host the pastors' fellowship this week. You know, the one where we were supposed to eat some kind of chicken? Indiana told us to plan for 20-30. Luckily we planned for more because we ended up with over 50.

 

As soon as that event was over, I got busy with the baby shower our church is giving Kylee this Saturday.  I'd show pictures of the diaper cake I made and the centerpieces I'm working on, but they keep turning up sideways when I try to put them into the post, and I don't have time to fix them right now. Trust me, they're fabulous.

 

I'll have pictures next week. We're decorating tonight because tomorrow I have to leave for a ladies' conference. I'll skip the second day of the conference so I can get back here in time for the shower.

 

Then it's the usual Sunday church activities, followed by the two hour trip to take Luke back to college Sunday night after the service. I don't mind the drive except I'm having more and more trouble staying awake.

 

Can't imagine why that would be a problem!

 

So that's why I haven't been around here on the blog. Busy with life, events, traveling, and even attempting crafts and food for the shower. We'll see how that goes.

 

By the way, I guess Luke and Paul would appreciate it if I posted a picture of what they look like now.

 

I'm not gonna. 'Cause in my heart, they'll always be those adorable little baby boys.

 

 



 

 

 

Peanuts! Popcorn! Hodgepodge!

This week we have Peanuts. (Not the salty kind, but the humorous kind.) We have popcorn, competition and chivalry. So after leaving a comment, click on the link and follow along over at Joyce's. You know you want to.

1. It's a brand new month...share one thing you're looking forward to in October.
How can I stop at just one? Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the cooler temperatures, the changing colors, the crispness in the air ... of course, I don't get to experience these things because I live in Florida. We still hit 90 degrees on a regular basis.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

2.  Is chivalry dead?  Explain.
No, but I think it might be on oxygen.

3.  On October 2, 1950 the Peanuts comic strip made its debut.  Which character is your favorite?  Which character is most like you?  (Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Shroeder, Snoopy, Woodstock, or Pig Pen)  If you need a description click here .
I love them all, and I think I'm most like Linus. I have a take-life-as-it-comes attitude and a occasional surprising word of wisdom to offer, but I'm a basket case without my security blanket.

4.  What's something you're competitive about?
It's so much that I'm competitive ... I just like to win. (The first step is admitting you have a problem.)

5. October is National Popcorn Popping Month...are you a fan?  How do you like your popcorn?
Am I a fan of National Popcorn Popping Month? I suppose so. But why doesn't chocolate have a month? I could really support an idea like that.

6.  When did you first realize the world is small?
When I started taking up more space in it.

7.  In terms of architecture, what's the most beautiful building you've seen up close and in person?
Big or small, home outshines them all. Look at me; I'm a poet!

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

I have a lot of thoughts right now--random and not so random--and they're pinging around in my brain like a room full of superballs run amok. 

The Devil's in the Details

And yet another strange discovery about that distant planet that men have come from if you subscribe to the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus theory. Apparently there are no details on Mars.

None.

Because men don't seem to need any. I'm a detail-oriented person, and I've often wondered how on earth men can go through life so oblivious and uncaring of all the millions of details that make up their world. I guess it's because, on their original planet, everything falls into place with absolutely no effort.

That's strange because, here on earth, it takes a lot of effort for details to fall into place. Not that men notice.

Take, for instance, my Indiana Jones. I love the man to death, but sometimes I think he'll be the death of me. Recently he and another pastor got together and decided our churches should compete in a month-long campaign.                 

 

We were out with another couple from our church when Indiana enthusiastically explained the plan. They wanted to kick off this campaign with a joint picnic/early evening service one Sunday night at a park halfway between our two churches. The other church would provide the meat, and we would bring the sides.

 

Clearly, Indiana was pleased that they had hammered out the details. Vicky and I looked at each other across the table, and I silently agreed that she should go first.

 

"What kind of meat?" She asked. "That might make a difference in what sides we would fix."

 

Indiana shrugged. "Probably hamburgers and hotdogs."

 

That shrug means it wasn't discussed. He's just putting his own spin on things. Now it was my turn.

 

"What about buns? Is that part of 'meat' or 'sides'?"

 

Indiana looked blank as he admitted he didn't know.

 

Vicky's turn.

 

"What about condiments?"

 

My turn.

 

"Who is bringing beverages?"

 

Vicky's turn.

 

"Are desserts included in sides?"

 

"I guess I can send the other pastor an email," Indiana decided. I could tell he didn't want to. He doesn't want to worry about details. In fact, later on he just told me we should plan on bringing all that extra stuff. To him it was an easy way to deal with our questions without his having to bother anymore.

 

But there's a problem with that line of thinking. Guys see the worst-case scenario here that everyone brings everything and we have more than we need and everyone's happy.

 

Women see that, if we bring desserts when they already made desserts, we risk sending the message that their contributions aren't good enough. We also worry about irritating ladies if they spend time and effort on something, only to find out it wasn't really needed.

 

As the picnic drew closer and I badgered asked Indiana for clarification, he confidently asserted that we needed to bring buns and condiments as well as sides. We planned for some desserts, but it was implied that those would be coming from both churches.

 

The day before the picnic, Indiana called me while I was at the grocery store to let me know that our church was responsible for bringing all the desserts.

 

The day of the picnic I found out we were having pulled pork and hotdogs. No need for the lettuce, tomatoes and mayonaise we brought. We definitely could have used more cole slaw. There were enough desserts, but judging from the way they were picked clean, a few more brownies wouldn't have hurt.

 

We had more 2-liters and buns than we knew what to do with. In fact, we ended up taking home most of the ones we'd brought because the other church also brought plenty. Both churches provided plates, plasticware, cups and tablecloths.

 

I made a mental note to call the other pastor's wife next time, but I didn't have time to dwell on it because this month it's our church's turn to host the local pastors' fellowship. Having never been to one (seeing as I'm not a pastor and all), I asked Indiana about the meal we're supposed to serve after the meeting.

 

He thinks he's usually eaten some sort of chicken at these luncheons.

 

Make sure there's desserts.

 

We should probably have a vegetable.

 

Plan for 20. Or maybe 50.

 

Perhaps I should just make reservations for this luncheon.

 

On Mars.