Who Loves Ya, Baby?

My Valentine saved up green M&M's (they mean I love you) the summer before we got engaged. He waited four months for me to say "I love you,too",and he proposed to me in a horsedrawn carriage. He moved to my hometown because I couldn't bare the thought of moving away from my family right after we were married. Even though he wasn't fond of cats, he gave me a kitten on our honeymoon because I wanted one.

He coached me through labor by reciting lines from Rocky IV. ("No pain! No pain!") He stopped when I threatened him. He cried when each of our children were born. He cried both times I miscarried. He changed the diapers of our children while they were in the hospital--and before I did. He insisted his boys had to be dressed in a "manly" way. This would explain why I have no pictures of our boys in bonnets. The boys are very grateful. He thrilled to each of our boys, but he waxed poetic when our second child was a girl. He called her the apple of his eye, and when she ended up being our only girl, he called her a rose among thorns.

He brought spontaneity and flexibility to my rather structured life. He not only thinks outside the box, sometimes he refuses to acknowledge the existence of the box in the first place. He taught me by example to put others before myself. As a pastor--as MY pastor--I've watched him reach out to the people in our church with both hands. He strives to meet not only their spiritual needs, but their physical and emotional needs as well. When he goes hunting or fishing, we not only have venison or fish to eat, but he gives it out to people in our church. I've watched as he's tried to help people find jobs, or struggled over making decisions. 

I've watched him cry over our children, pray for our children, and seen him respond to them with a wisdom and grace that amazes me.

I joke that he is the original Indiana Jones, and he truly does have a taste for adventure. Because of that, he's added a color and richness to my life that I never would have imagined. We've been married over half my life. In spite of a great childhood, I'd have to say the last half of my life has been the most fun so far. I can't wait to spend the next fifty years with you, Indiana! Happy Valentine's Day.

Love Is A Choice

Love is a choice. Were you aware of this? I've been thinking about this a lot, especially with the Meetings, Marriages, and Memories carnival at Musings of a Future Pastor’s Wife that's been running on Mondays. If you want to read the beginning of my love story, you can click here.
It's fun to remember how things began, but it also reminds me of how little teenagers and young adults know about true love. Think back. Can you remember the pounding heart? The weak-in-the-knees feeling whenever he looked in your direction? The way he filled your every waking thought and a good many of your dreams? The minutes in his presence flew by and the second he was out of your sight, you were counting the minutes until you were together again. It's all so incredibly romantic, isn't it? Except for one thing. None of those feelings are true love.
Now don't write me off as cynical. I believe in love. I have experienced it. But love is not just an emotion. It is a decision. The feelings, the tingling, the emotion--that's all great stuff. But you can't build a relationship on it. Not one that will last a lifetime. I have a confession to make. When my husband and I hold hands, I don't get the same breathless tingle I used to. Don't get me wrong. I still thrill to his touch and I enjoy being with him. But the intensity of holding hands is not the same. However, my love for him is deeper and stronger than it ever could have been twenty-three years ago.
See, this is the thing that teenagers can't seem to understand. And that's one reason why teenage relationships can be so dangerous. They fall in and out of "love" with someone new every couple of weeks. They seem to move on after the thrill is gone. Or they are tempted to go further and further in their physical relationship in order to maintain or intensify the thrill they felt in the beginning of the relationship. The emotions are going to be there; however, the emotions shouldn't be the ruling factor. Christians especially should not be governed by their emotions. But so often the emotions rule the teen instead of the other way around.
You see, love is a choice. Yes, there's chemistry and yes there's feelings and emotions. But somewhere along the line those in a marriage relationship made a decision. They made a choice (and then a vow) to love someone for the rest of their lives. Tell me, if falling in love is something you can't help, then why do you need to vow to maintain that love?
Love is not just the tingling feelings and the roses and picking out flowers and filling in a bridal registry. Love is a decision to be made even if the tingling stops and long after everything on the registry has broken or faded. When you enter into a marriage, you are making a decision and a vow to love that person as long as you live. That means every day of your life you wake up in the morning and make a decision to love the person you're waking up with. Somedays it's an unconscious decision. You wake up overwhelmed with love and grateful that this person has chosen to spend his life with you. Other days you wake up, trip over the shoes he left in the middle of the floor, see where he forgot to flush the toilet and then you consciously choose to love him anyway.
It's so important to follow the Lord's leading when it comes to choosing a mate. And it's one of the most important things you can teach your children. While they still think the opposite sex has "cooties", teach them that love is a choice. Teach them that they should not be ruled by their emotions. Teach them to ask the Lord for His guidance in every area of their lives. Then when it comes time to choose their mate, the wonderful tingling is just an added blessing--not the basis for a lifelong decision.