The Male Humor Gene

So I've been riding bikes with the boys lately. I need the exercise, and it's a way for me to spend time with the guys.

I am not in shape by any means, so I was pleasantly surprised to see how easy it was to keep up with these guys on their bikes. Admittedly, one or two of them were not riding geared bikes, so I did have an advantage. But it still seemed like I was continually having to tell someone to pick up the pace.

I finally cut it down to taking two boys with me at a time. That way we all had geared bikes and could really "get down to business". But still I had one lagging along behind. 

I admit at this point I was feeling a false sense of pride. Maybe I wasn't as out of shape as I thought. Maybe I wasn't as out of shape as the mirror proclaimed. Maybe ...

Maybe the tires weren't fully inflated on all of the bikes. Sure enough, one afternoon I told Luke to make sure all the tires were completely full. As a result the boys had no trouble keeping up with me. But I sure had to struggle to keep up with them! I huffed and I puffed. But hey, this was good for me, wasn't it? 

Now I let them ride on ahead of me. It pushes me to move faster in order to keep my eye on them. Once in a while one or the other of them will look back and then take pity on me. They slow down and coast along for awhile and keep me company. 

However, they're not always that considerate. They have been known to put their bikes in the lowest gear possible. Then they pedal frantically, and slowly pass me although they look like they're sitting still.

If I let them go on ahead, they bike to the next rest bench and then when I arrive, they complain that they should have brought a picnic lunch to enjoy while waiting for me.

They weave huge circles on their bikes, back and forth. They cover miles of extra length this way--all the while still staying slightly ahead of me.

They stop to wait for me, and then watch as I pedal by them sitting on the bench. Then they get on their bikes, pass me, get to the next bench, and sit and wait to do it all over again.

While I'm gasping for breath, they sing and chatter constantly. And then actually expect me to find the breath to answer them.

I've finally decided there's only one way I'm going to survive this quality time with my boys.

I'm letting the air out of their tires as soon as we get home.

State Your Purpose, Please

Many years ago when we lived in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, we decided to cross the border and spend an evening in Canada. At that time you didn't need a passport to cross over, but we were advised that the border patrol on the Canadian side could be a bit--disagreeable.  One of the questions they asked was your purpose in crossing over into Canada.

It seems that, if we just said we wanted to drive around, we were much more likely to be held up crossing the border. The satisfactory answer was to state a specific place that you were going. Have a destination in mind. A purpose in crossing. So we chose a pizza restaurant we had heard about in Sault Saint Marie, and decided to go there.

Sure enough, when we got to the border they asked us where we were going. We named the restaurant, and they let us right through. It was so much easier because we had a purpose in mind.

I think many people struggle in life because they're not sure what their purpose is. Have you ever heard someone ask "Why are we here?"

It's no small wonder, then, that so many people are unhappy. How can you be happy when you don't know what your purpose is?

You might say you have a goal. Perhaps you want to be a doctor. Or a teacher. That's a goal, isn't it? And yet, maybe you're still unhappy. That's because your vocation, no matter how worthy, is not a purpose. It's a goal. You can achieve your goals and still not fulfill your purpose in life.

Did you know that we all have the same purpose? By that I mean we were all created for the same reason. And if you want to know what our purpose is, then you need to check with the Creator. He tells us in His Word what His purpose was in creating us. He tells us in Revelation 4:11--

Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.


We were created for God's pleasure. And the bottom line is, if we're not bringing pleasure to Him, we're not fulfilling our purpose. I think many of us, instead of bringing Him pleasure, end up causing God grief and pain. We make selfish choices, or live our lives without trying to follow God's leading. We take no thought of bringing pleasure to the One Who created us in the first place.

So if you're feeling dissatisfied, if you're just not happy with things the way they are, if you feel like you're missing something, step back and take note of your purpose. Are you bringing pleasure to the Creator? Or are you causing Him grief and pain?

How are you fulfilling your purpose?

Artful Arguing

Is your husband ever wrong?

Boy, what a loaded question that is! But as always, I have a reason for asking it.

When you're husband's wrong, what do you do? This question came up on a quiz that we did at our ladies' luncheon last Saturday.  It was a fun quiz with multiple choice answers. This particular question was worded this way:

You’ve had a disagreement with your husband, and he’s clearly in the wrong. How do get him to see your side of it?

A.         Cry

B.         badger (nag) him

C.          bombard him with logical reasons why he’s wrong

D.         give him the silent treatment until he sees things your way

E.          say “Whatever you say, dear” while glaring at him reproachfully

Obviously the quiz was not meant to be taken seriously. But how do you deal with a husband who's wrong?

Personally, I think it seems a little sneaky to manipulate with tears.

Nagging has never worked for me. Period.

I can give logical reasons, but they have to be at a time when he's willing to listen. Otherwise all my logic is wasted.

The silent treatment seems a little silly. After all, we're not in fifth grade anymore.

Sarcasm only works with a little humor thrown in. And even then it's not always a good thing. But sometimes it slips out of me in spite of myself. (I know you're shocked at that!)

Truthfully, there are times when I'm really working on my response to something where I feel he's in the wrong. I turn phrases in my head. I plan exactly what to say to get my point across. And most of the time, before I finished marshaling my arguments, he's already apologized. I'm very relieved, but at the same time some of my best arguments never see the light of day!

Now, what happens when he wants to convince me of something? Some husbands would stoop to doing something like this:

Because who can resist the sympathy factor?

As a side note, Indiana is doing better and the collar hopefully comes off in another week. Well, for real anyway. It's been coming off more than it's supposed to lately. Which leads me back to the question I asked in the first place of how you deal with someone who's wrong. As in, he won't relax and get through his convalescence properly. Instead he's routinely pushing the limits of what he's supposed to be doing. 

I mean, some husbands might do this. This question is hypothetical, after all. 

Some help, please?

By the way, I have no idea why my post suddenly started indenting some of its lines. I had the choice of trying to fix it or going to work. I chose to do the one that pays. Deal with it.

A Single Random

It's time! It's time! We're doing another random dozen, although this one has a theme. And yet it is still remarkably random. You gotta hand it to Lid! But you only if you clock on the donut link. Then you can read everyone else's answers, too. Hey, wait! Where are you going? Read my answers first!

1. What is one really fast, know-by-heart "go-to" meal to fix in a pinch?

1-800-PAPA-JOHNS.

2. What is one item you won't leave home without. (Purse and license do not count.)
Underwear. NEVER leave home without it!

3. Where is one place you never tire of visiting?
My imagination.

4. Share one factoid of your family's history.
None of us have ever killed anybody. 

5. Complete this sentence: "Once upon a time I ...."
...tried to see how many sponge rollers I could use while rolling my hair. The experiment was a success, but it had absolutely nothing to do with looking good--as I discovered the next morning when I took the rollers out.

6. If you could win a one year's supply of anything, what would it be?
Toilet paper. You can never have too much. Especially at my house!

7. "One quirky thing you may not know about me is ...."
I've spent over 103 hours of my life in labor.

8. You have one dollar in your pocket. What will you buy?
Nothing unless it's on sale, and I have a coupon.

9. "One thing that always makes me laugh is ...."
The fact that I will never have to endure labor again.

10. What is one thing you could do today to help yourself reach a personal goal?
Stop eating those M&M's. But I got a great deal where I bought three packs, and I got six more free. I feel obligated to enjoy my shopping prowess.

11. What is one thing you could do today to bless someone else?
Give them my M&M's?

12. What is one thing you're looking forward to soon?
Becoming famous. Hey, I can dream, can't I?


Okay, you know you haven't got all day. Hurry up and click here to go read everyone else's answers!

Well Whaddya Know?

No, seriously. What do you know? Are you aware of things that are going on around the globe, across the country or in your neck of the woods?

I have an important reason for asking. In the Random Dozen questions from last week, one of the questions was how you get your news. I was genuinely surprised at the number of people who said they really didn't keep up with what's going on.

Did you know that what happens at your neighbor's house can affect you? Their broken water problems can become yours. Their foreclosure affects your home value. Their break in will affect you as well. It's a smart move to know what's going on in your neighborhood.

By the same token, it's a smart move to know what's going on in your state. And in your country. For instance, what happens in Arizona can affect you.

Have you heard about the Arizona immigration law? Are you aware of the turmoil that surrounds it? What's it really all about, and how does it affect you?

If you do listen to any news, you've probably heard the opinion that this law can lead to or even instigate racial profiling. You may have heard that it goes against everything our country stands for. You may have heard it compared to the laws from Hitler's day.

Our own President has said that the law leads to racial profiling. He spoke of a father who would take his children to the same ice cream store they always went to. But now, because of that law, their trip could be ruined by an overzealous cop demanding to see the father's papers. Our country's Attorney General, Eric Holder, criticized the law and said he might even be filing a civil lawsuit against it.

So what's the big deal about this law? How about the fact that most of the stuff you're hearing on the news is not true?

The Arizona law is actually an enforcement law. Meaning it was written in order to enforce laws already on the books. What laws would those be? How about federal laws?

The President of the United States balked at the possibility that a law enforcement officer would ask someone for their papers. But for over seventy years there has been a federal law that requires non U.S. citizens to carry some sort of papers showing their right to be in this country.

People claim that the law allows officers to "pick on" any one who looks ethnically diverse. However, the actual law says that officers can only ask to see papers for someone that they've already encountered breaking the law in some way. And then if there is a reasonable assumption that they might be illegal, the police can ask to see their papers.

As for our Attorney General, the one who is charged with upholding the law of the land--well, after threatening a lawsuit against Arizona, he admitted that he's never actually read the bill. That's right. He wanted to sue Arizona for a law when he didn't even know what the law was really about.

Okay, you say. But seriously how does this affect me? How about, for starters, the fact that the lies spread about this law are causing an uproar across the land? How about the fact that people are now wanting to boycott the state of Arizona? So from there, what if someone decides to boycott your state because your state doesn't recognize gay marriage? Or teen abortions without parental consent? Not such a far step away, is it?

What happened to states' rights? Especially in the case of a law that was made in order to uphold federal laws? How did we get so twisted and get things so distorted from the truth?

I think it's because we haven't been listening. We don't want to know what's going on, so we close our eyes and ears and say it doesn't have anything to do with us.

Funny thing, that's what good, moral, upright people did in Germany in the 1930's. As persecution of the Jews increased, people turned away and said it was none of their business. They said it didn't concern them. And because they didn't speak up, the tide of hatred and the will of a monster spread almost across the globe.

Hmmm. come to think of it, maybe this is like Nazi Germany after all.

Snake!

I'm not sure that I ever mentioned that I have an extreme aversion to snakes. But then again, why would anyone like snakes? I know that some are supposed to be "good" snakes, but I think it's true that the only good snake is a dead one!

So when we surrendered to go to Uganda, snakes was one of the fears I had to face. (Actually I had hundreds of fears, but we'll stick with this one for now.) Uganda is home to the black mamba and the green mamba, reputedly two of the deadliest snakes known to man. Of course you can also find your common every day cobra there too.

Knowing the species available, I really struggled with moving to Uganda. When we got there, we moved into a house surrounded by a cement block wall. We had several dogs, and they were turned lose in the compound at night in order to guard the property. One night, about two months after we arrived, the dogs set up a furious howling during the night. They wouldn't shut up, so Terry went out to see what had stirred them up. A few moments later I heard him yelling through the window, "Jill, get the shotgun! Jill!"

We were holding a shotgun for one of the other missionaries that was out of the country. I grabbed the gun and ran it out to my husband who promptly used it to blow the head off of a cobra that was in the yard. Even after the head was gone, the snake still stretched over six and a half feet.

I spent the next several days fighting the urge to cower in the closet. My husband, typical of most missionaries, put the story in our next prayer letter.

Approximately four weeks later, one of my children encountered a much smaller snake on our back patio. Matt, eleven at the time, jumped out the back door and right over the snake. One of the men killed it promptly, but I still gathered all the children into our living room and considered staying there for the next three years until we went on furlough. I just didn't see how we were going to be able to live in a place where such dangers lurked. Matt was my oldest, and I had five more after him, the youngest being less than six months old. How could we possibly keep them all safe?

That afternoon in the mail we got over a dozen letters from our Sunday School class in our home church in Alabama. They had all read our latest prayer letter (the one about killing the cobra). Each letter mentioned that they were praying for us and for our safety from snakes. I still find it amazing that the day I needed reassurance that God was protecting us, He sent over a dozen letters reminding me that we had people praying for us.

Isn't God good?

And in Closing ...

Hello, sports fans! Just wanted to wrap up a busy week with a short post. I've been working on all the details for our ladies' luncheon tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know about Indiana's doctor visit yesterday.

Terry went to prayer meeting Wednesday night--first time out of the house since the surgery. He was in a lot of pain by the time he got back home, but was so glad to be out and about again. Then Thursday we went for his first post-op follow up visit. The doctor was thrilled with Terry's progress, and said he's looking very good. He has to wear the collar for two more weeks (Indiana was NOT happy to hear that), but he can now take it off when he sleeps or eats. I see a lot of sleeping and eating happening in the next two weeks because he really hates that collar.

His incision is inflamed, but healing nicely. The doctor said the scar tissue will thicken, but then it should smooth out and ultimately the scar will look like any other crease in his neck. (The doctor's exact words. Again, Terry wasn't thrilled.)

The nerves leading to Terry's hand and fingers do seem to be coming back to life. He's had no pain there since the surgery, and he's slowly regaining some strength in that hand.

I did specifically question the doctor and make him say that Terry couldn't drive for at least another two weeks. I wanted to make sure Indiana heard the doctor say that.

We go back in two weeks, and the doctor will do some more x-rays then to see how all is progressing inside. By then I'm pretty sure I will be actively full-time involved in keeping Indiana from heading off too quickly on more adventures.

Thanks again for your prayers. I'll be back on Monday with a snake story from our time in Uganda. Now who can resist that?