Why We Need Our Own Reality Show

I've often thought that one of my main missions in life is to cheer people up with the thought that things could always be worse--they could be me. Not that I'm some martyr or something, but unusual things do seem to just sort of happen and very little of our lives is "normal". I've been told that we would do well with own reality show, but I don't think we're really ready to be the next Duck Dynasty. And we don't qualify as the next Duggars. Not enough kids, and we're too human.

At any rate, our circumstances last night are one more piece of evidence that normal is not a part of our vocabulary.

Normal people might have an emergency late night trip to the er because of chest pain for the head of the house. But do they interrupt their late night trip to the er because hubby hasn't decided for sure if the pain he's feeling warrants the trouble and expense of an er visit? And as they sit in the parking lot of the hospital while he's trying to decide if he needs medical attention, do normal people end up detouring to save their son who wanted to meet them at the er but the transmission in his crappy car that they told him not to buy went bad and he had to push it into an empty and dark parking lot between a tavern and a tattoo parlor in one of the worst sections of town? 

And then when the not-quite-normal couple pulls into the dark parking lot next to their son, hubs (better known on this blog as the original Indiana Jones) decides to get out and check his son's car because he wants to "walk around and see how he feels". And then, after a short discussion in which they realize there's nothing that can be done for the car that night, the son says he'll get his stuff out of the car and ride with his parents to the hospital. 

A normal person (i.e., the mother) would assume by "stuff" the son meant the bag he takes to the gym or an extra pair of shoes. By the time the son has made a fifth trip between his car and the mother's trunk, she would remember that they're not a normal family, and that his "stuff" included at least one change of clothes, most of the tools that he owns, some self-defense gear and enough survival items to get him through the Alaskan wilderness. 

As this mom from not-a-normal family wonders how long all the extra gear will remain in her car, the son and husband both suddenly jump into the backseat, on top of all that gear. As they do, the mother realizes that a dark car without lights has pulled in next to them. There are 3-4 men in the car, and as they start to get out of their vehicle, it's clear that they're not stopping to see if they can lend a helping hand. As the hubs and son shout, "drive! drive!", the mom of not-a-normal family slams the car into reverse and starts to back out.  the not-too-friendly drug dealers got back in their car and pulled around behind the tavern. Normal people would then immediately drive away. 

We didn't.

With the bad guys out of sight, mom was ordered to wait while the son grabbed one more thing out of his car and dad stood lookout. Then the mom pealed out and headed back to the hospital. One good thing out of the incident (in addition to escaping with our lives) was the adrenalin surge that convinced the husband he might need to get his heart checked out after all.

All of this was before we got to the emergency room. But since the drama didn't stop at the er door, I'll cover that part of our night in my next post.



P.S. This post may appear in multiple fonts and sizes. I can't help that. I wrote it at 3:00 a.m.

P.S.P.S. Indiana is fine and he is at home. Actually, he's at the office, but the main point is that he is not in the hospital.

Say Cheese!

Today is Church Directory Picture Day. Well, not nationally, I don't think. But here at our church it is. This is our first "official" picture as the new pastor and his family, so--no pressure.

What with setting things up for the photographer, and getting ready to check people in, not to mention trying to get my own family presentable for pictures (no small fete if you remember), I thought I'd take a few moments to procrastinate and list here all the things that are par for the course on such a monumental occasion.

1.  It is raining. Naturally. A drenching, everything's going to get wet no matter what you do or how you hold the umbrella rain.

2.  It's humid and cool outside.

3.  Our church is in an old building, and the furnaces have all been lit and the thermostats set for winter. So it's rather warm inside.

4.  My hair. Not good on the best days, but the combination of #1-3 means that my picture will resemble a portrait of Carrot Top without the red.

5.  Nick has a cold sore. I've been slathering him with Carmex for three days. I've threatened to break out the makeup if necessary.

6. I ordered new suits for the boys. Great deals on $400 wool suits that I got for $62 a piece.

7. They came in time.

8.  None of them fit.

9.  Nick has five white shirts. They are all dingy and ill-fitting.

10. I broke into Christmas presents I had set aside to get him a decent shirt for the pictures.

11. I realized two days ago that the boys all looked rather scruffy.

12. They're getting their hair cut today.

13. I'm sensing that today will be the day they get the Mad Stylist at Great Clips who will brandish the scissors with glee and they'll come back looking--you know.

14. I hate taking pictures. I always have.

15. The first photographer got here and she's very young and very pretty.

16. It will take forever for my boys to quit showing off and settle down to pictures.

I know I didn't end with some nice round number, but I don't usually have a list of 10 or 20 when I'm doing a list, so why start now?

I have decided that I will embrace this adventure with the following thoughts in mind:

1.  Presenting a perfect picture of us would be false and misleading.

2.  These people have known us for a year now. They ought to know that what you see is what you get.

3.  I've lowered my standards from "perfect" to "mediocre". I think we can hit that reasonably well.

4.  I've reminded myself that, once we're done, I never have to look at the picture if I don't want to.

5.  Lastly, I've realized that it's only natural to say "cheese" with all the hams we have in our family.

Blowing the Dust Away

Spring cleaning may be a rite in some places, but I've always been more of a fall-cleaning kind of girl. My reasons are simple--and shallow. I like to set out fall decorations, and it's embarrassing to set them out on the piles of dust that have accumulated over the summer months. (and spring and winter months, too.) okay so maybe I haven't dusted since last fall. At any rate, I enjoy looking at bright fall colors all over my house, and dust tends to dull those colors, so I end up cleaning.

It's always kind of neat to take out something that hasn't been used in awhile, blow the dust off and see how it brightens up a room, so that's what I'm doing with my blog. I'm blowing the dust off. My daughter has nagged gently nudged me for some time to start blogging again. She doesn't seem to understand that I have valid reasons for not blogging, so I thought I'd list them in a post for her. The rest of you can feel free to read along as well.

1. I've waited so long to blog that my decor was out of date. My background and header picture worked perfectly through the spring and summer (although I didn't actually write any posts then), but they didn't look right with the new fall weather. So not only did I have to take the time to write a post, but I had to redesign my blog site as well. Who has time for that?

2. I write great posts in my head. I mean killer posts. Roll-on-the-floor-and-laugh-until-the-tears-run-down-your-face posts. But when I look at the blogger new post screen, my mind goes blank. I can't think of a thing to write to save my life. Why else would I be blogging about why I don't blog?

3. What if I write something and people don't comment? My identity as a writer could be damaged. Of course, since I'm not writing at all, I don't know what that's doing to my writing identity either.

4. What if I write something and people do comment? Courtesy says I have to read their posts and make comments too. What if I can't think of anything to say? And I can't just comment "I agree" or "pretty pictures". I have a reputation for wittiness and occasional sarcasm.  It's hard enough to come up with snark for my own blogposts. I can't expect to be brilliant for everyone else's comments. Who needs that kind of pressure?

5. Successful blogposts have to have pictures. I'm terrible with pictures. I never have the right ones, or they're blurry. Or five years old. Then I feel guilt because I'm not doing a good job of recording my children's lives in photos, and really, who needs unnecessary guilt?

Now that I think about it, it's probably guilt that is making me go back to blogging anyway. I finally asked Stephanie why she wanted me to blog again. She said it was because she enjoyed reading my posts, and she hasn't had anything good to read since January. okay, so no pressure there.

So what happens when you dust after a season (or three)? You get a little dirty. You sneeze a couple of times because of the stuff you stirred up. And then you step back and admire how bright the colors look again.

At least, that's what I'm hoping.

No Fooling with the Hodgepodge

1. Since these questions are posting on the first day of April it seems only right to ask-when was the last time you did something foolish? If you can't answer that one, try this one-when was the last time someone fooled you?

I accidentally exploded some hotdogs I was cooking for our church fellowship. I don't want to talk about it.

2. What's the last biography or non-fiction book you've read? Was it any good?
The non-fiction book I'm reading now is the Bible. It's pretty good. I know the Author.

3. Garlic-friend or foe? What's your favorite dish made with garlic?

If I say that garlic is a foe, does that make me a vampire?

4. Several Spring flower festivals happen in the US during the month of April. Of those listed, which would you most like to see in person...The Skagit Tulip Festival in Skagit Washington, The Dogwood Arts Festival in Knoxville Tennessee, The North Carolina Azalea Festival in Wilmington North Carolina or the Daffodil Festival Weekend on Nantucket Island, Massachussets?

I don't care about the festivals. I want to see spring in my own back yard.

5. How do you choose which blogs to read?  What is something that will make you stop and read every time? Something that makes you say, 'eh, think I'll skip this one and move on to the next'?

We're supposed to read other blogs?!?!?

6. April is National Mathematics Education Month so tell us, when did you last use math? 

I measured some material and some windows for curtains we were making in the Sunday School rooms. All the measurements ended up wrong which should not be surprising, considering I was combining arithmetic and home economics--areas where I have absolutely no ability at all.

And What did April do to deserve being named National Mathematics Education Month? Shouldn't that title be reserved for a more boring month ... like February or November?

7. In honor of the A-Z challenge kicking off on April 1...choose one word beginning with the letter A to describe your yesterday.

Yesterday I was awakened way too early by texts from three of my children and a phone call from a fourth. Following that I did a full day of non-compensated work at the church office, and a realization that I did not have all of the paperwork I needed to complete a job with a rapidly approaching deadline. Then I went home and was halfway through cooking dinner when I discovered I didn't have important ingredients and I needed to run to the store. Then I endured a lame attempt from the guys in my family to pull an April Fool's prank on me. So a word to describe my day yesterday?

Average.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Joel's birthday is today. Sixteen years ago the doctor offered to induce, but I stayed pregnant for an extra day so Joel's birthday would not be April Fool's Day. The love of a mother.

He so owes me.

Hodgepodge on a Stick

1. What is something you'll never forget about the age you are right now?
The most important thing about my current age is the fact that I'm not fifty yet, and I've got a few years to go before I am.

2. What's a household chore you've never done? How have you managed that???
Are you kidding me? Why would I do any chores? That's why I went through 107 collective hours of labor so that I could guilt my kids into doing them.

3. Does nature shape our personalities more than nurture? Explain? 
Do you mean enduring a long harsh winter makes us crabby, and a beautiful spring day makes us happy? 'Cause if you don't, then I don't get the question.

4. Friday (February 28th) is 'Something on a Stick Day'...funny because Zoanna over atA Penchant for Pens recently sent me an idea for a question relating to this topic. What's your favorite food eaten on a stick? 
Uganda's version of fast food is chicken on a stick. There's a long line of grills off the side of the highway; you pull off the highway and they come running with the food. But with this drive through you'll want to keep your windows up because the vendors don't know personal space. I've actually gotten hit in the face with a chicken on a stick thrust through the window. And don't pick the vendors at the head of the pack. They tend to rub their chicken up against your closed car windows in order for you to get a good look at their wares.

5. Which of your five senses do you treasure most, and why?
I'm not sure which one I treasure the most, but living with this many guys in the house means I could do without my sense of smell.

6. What's the best music, theatre, or sporting venue you've been to? What made it great?
Wrigley Field is the best because hope springs eternal there.

7. It's the last week of the month...in five words or less bid adieu to your February.
I'd really like to know why Joyce picks the numbers that she does. "Five words or less", "Seven words" … 

8.  Insert your own random thought here.
Last night Joel and Paul cooked. Supper consisted of macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes. 

Whitewashing the Hodgepodge

1. What's the biggest change since your childhood in the way people think or act?
People think less and act more. It's not a good change.

2. The Olympic Biathlon involves cross country skiing broken up with either two or four rounds of target shooting. Which part of that would stress you out more? Or would you love them both equally?
I'll take the shooting, but I want to pick the target.

3. February is National Canned Food Month...what is your most often purchased canned food item?  What was in the last can you opened?
What does it mean that canned food has a month? Are we supposed to celebrate canned foods? Can more foods this month? Resolve to use less canned foods in this month? I appreciate canned foods as much as the next person, but I'm not sure they deserve a whole month.

4. What river (anywhere in the world) would you most like to cruise?
No cruises! Don't you ever watch the news? Seems like every other week a cruise ship is being towed back to port with problems after everyone on board has been sitting without food or water or basic necessities for almost a week. Roughing it is not my idea of a vacation.

5. It's the middle of the night and you can't sleep...what do you do? Count sheep? Toss and turn? Watch television? Or do you get up and do something productive?
I take melatonin before I go to bed so I don't have this problem.

6. How important is keeping your cool?
It's not a big deal in Michigan in February. Ask me again in July.

7. I've got white stuff on the brain so why not run with it? White lie, wave the white flag, white knuckle it, white wash a situation, or white as a sheet...which phrase could most recently apply to your own life in some way?
I'm not sure, but this question did remind me that I need to wash the sheets.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I'm not tired of the snow yet, but I won't be sorry when spring shows up either.

Loving the Penny and the Hodgepodge

Love, Steaks, Pennies and Lincoln. This Hodgepodge has got it all, so put down the heart-shaped box of candy (or just push it over and nibble) as you join in the Hodgepodge this week.

1.What makes love last?
Being lovable helps.

2. The Beatles made their US debut fifty years ago this week. Are you a fan? If so, what's your favorite Beatles tune?
The Beatles made their debut before I was even born. Just thought I'd mention it.

3. Valentine's Day-your thoughts? Do you celebrate in any way? Do anything special for the people you love? Expect anything special from the people who love you? 
I never turn down chocolates … or flowers … or dinner out. Although I will say, if you wait until Valentine's Day and then buy your roses at Walmart, they're probably already half dead, and why would you give that kind of bouquet to the one you love?

Not that it's ever happened to me … ahem!

4. Steak or burger...you have to choose. Now that that's settled, how do you like it? 
I'll take a steak, but I'd like it at a steak restaurant. I don't know why you'd order a steak at a seafood place or an Italian place or--you get the idea. I figure whatever restaurant you're in, they're expertise is where you'll get the best taste.

Oh, medium, please. I don't want it mooing, but I don't mind a little red.

5. The Hodgepodge lands on the birthdate (February 12th) of Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States of America. Lincoln is quoted as saying, 'Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test his character give him power.'  Do you agree? Why or why not?
Men may be able to stand adversity, but not all males are men. And with regard to power,

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."  --Lord Acton, British Historian

6. Honest Abe's image is featured on the US penny (1 cent coin) so I'm wondering...what do you do with your pennies (or your country's equivalent)?  It's been suggested the US stop making the penny, and two bills have been introduced proposing just that, but neither were approved. What say you?
My pennies sit with the rest of my change in the bottom of my purse. And I'm not sure why our legislators have time to worry about pennies when they can dispense with billions without batting an eye.

7.  Do you think pop culture deserves serious study?
Not by serious people.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I don't feel like cooking dinner.