Say Cheese!

Today is Church Directory Picture Day. Well, not nationally, I don't think. But here at our church it is. This is our first "official" picture as the new pastor and his family, so--no pressure.

What with setting things up for the photographer, and getting ready to check people in, not to mention trying to get my own family presentable for pictures (no small fete if you remember), I thought I'd take a few moments to procrastinate and list here all the things that are par for the course on such a monumental occasion.

1.  It is raining. Naturally. A drenching, everything's going to get wet no matter what you do or how you hold the umbrella rain.

2.  It's humid and cool outside.

3.  Our church is in an old building, and the furnaces have all been lit and the thermostats set for winter. So it's rather warm inside.

4.  My hair. Not good on the best days, but the combination of #1-3 means that my picture will resemble a portrait of Carrot Top without the red.

5.  Nick has a cold sore. I've been slathering him with Carmex for three days. I've threatened to break out the makeup if necessary.

6. I ordered new suits for the boys. Great deals on $400 wool suits that I got for $62 a piece.

7. They came in time.

8.  None of them fit.

9.  Nick has five white shirts. They are all dingy and ill-fitting.

10. I broke into Christmas presents I had set aside to get him a decent shirt for the pictures.

11. I realized two days ago that the boys all looked rather scruffy.

12. They're getting their hair cut today.

13. I'm sensing that today will be the day they get the Mad Stylist at Great Clips who will brandish the scissors with glee and they'll come back looking--you know.

14. I hate taking pictures. I always have.

15. The first photographer got here and she's very young and very pretty.

16. It will take forever for my boys to quit showing off and settle down to pictures.

I know I didn't end with some nice round number, but I don't usually have a list of 10 or 20 when I'm doing a list, so why start now?

I have decided that I will embrace this adventure with the following thoughts in mind:

1.  Presenting a perfect picture of us would be false and misleading.

2.  These people have known us for a year now. They ought to know that what you see is what you get.

3.  I've lowered my standards from "perfect" to "mediocre". I think we can hit that reasonably well.

4.  I've reminded myself that, once we're done, I never have to look at the picture if I don't want to.

5.  Lastly, I've realized that it's only natural to say "cheese" with all the hams we have in our family.

Kylee's Coming to Town

So we're having something new for Christmas this year. Or I guess I should say we're having someone new for Christmas this year. You may remember that I blogged about going to the doctor and starting on a weight loss program (I've lost 40 pounds so far, by the way) waiting for applause. Thank you. because my son told me that he would probably want to get married sometime next year.

Well, Matt's girlfriend, Kylee, is coming to spend Christmas with us this year.

She is a brave girl.

Not only is she spending her first Christmas away from her family, but she is traveling from the frozen north, where she lives, to experience her first Florida Christmas. We're going through a cold snap right now--the temperatures are barely going to stay in the sixties for the next several days, and everyone is bundling up in sweaters and jackets. But we could have eighty degree weather on Christmas Day. You never know.

In addition to the shock of the weather, this girl is willing going to expose herself to the inner workings of the Boyd family for a solid week. It takes a brave soul to do something so foolhardy. Either that, or she's in love.

At any rate, I'm looking forward to having another female in the house. But I'm faced with a few dilemmas of my own. I mean, this could be my future daughter-in-law some day. What kind of a potential future mother-in-law impression do I want to make?

She's going to be staying in my house for a week. Now, Kylee has been here to Florida before. She visited last summer during VBS. She and Matt were interested in each other at the time, but they weren't really a couple. At least, they weren't at the beginning of the week. And they certainly weren't as serious about each other as they are now. And she wasn't actually staying in my house.

So all sorts of details are running through my mind like, what kind of meals should I fix? I need to get a Christmas stocking for her to hang with the others. I need to get the guest room ready. How clean should I have my house?

Yeah, you read it right. How clean? My first instinct was to scrub everything in sight. I also wanted to clean out and organize closets and cabinets and corners that might have been neglected for the better part of--well--a long time. I wanted the house to actually sparkle when she walked through the door.

Well can you see the obvious problems? As much as I would love a sparkly house (merely for my own enjoyment) I'm afraid it would leave an impression straight out of Everybody Loves Raymond. And I am so not going there.

So then I thought maybe I shouldn't fuss at all. You know, just take her right into the family and take on a love-me-love-my-house attitude.

That seems a little cruel. I should probably save that for when one of my boys brings home a girl I don't want in the family.

So I'm back to cleaning again. Just a few things that needed to be done anyway before the holidays. Cleaning carpets. Scrubbing out kitchen cabinets. Nothing major. Except maybe for the guest room closet. And the laundry room. And--

They make a cute couple, don't they? And I am looking forward to her being here. Sixteen days, Kylee!

Of course, with me being me, I did run into a few problems when I attempted all that cleaning. But I can fill you in on that tomorrow.

'Splain It To Me

So the entire nation is in the grip of cold temperatures. The warmest spots in our country--California, Florida, Texas--are in the low fifties today.

Here in central Florida, people have been discussing the weather for almost a week. We've turned on the heat in our homes. We quit wearing flip-flops. Some of us have actually worn coats! (Those of you in sub-zero temperatures, quit complaining! I have a point!)

Yesterday I went into one of those little shipping stores. The clerk was very friendly, and as she weighed my package, this is how our conversation went:

She: "It is just cold out today!"

Me: "I know. They're even predicting possible 'winter precipitation' by the weekend." (I'm not sure the weather people know the term for snow down here.)

She: "Makes you think. This global warming thing ..."

Me: "I know!"

She: "The whole country's turning blue. That Al Gore really was on to something. I mean, now we know there's got to be something to this global warming thing, right?"

Huh?

Somebody piece this together for me, please. The entire country's freezing. It's snowing everywhere, including in Florida. So that proves global warming?

Adolph Hitler once said, "If you tell a lie loud enough and long enough, people will believe it".

Obviously.