Monday, February 23, 2009

Flu Laws

My family has been fighting the flu for the last two weeks. And what a flu it was! It started out with each of the kids with stomach flu--and all that entails. I can almost see you wincing in a combination of sympathy and relief--that you don't have it! Then the flu morphed into a high fever with headache, dizziness, sore throat, aches, etc. Once that worked its way through the system it settled into a combination of extreme head congestion and a cough that could hack up a lung.
So while I've been tending the sick (and being sick myself) I realized there are a few universal laws to the flu. I've had time to think about this recently and I thought I'd share it with you.

1. If you have more than one child, they will only get the flu one at a time. Subsequent children will not get sick until the first one is feeling and acting noticeably better.

2. The exception to rule number one: if you start feeling sick, then several of your children will become ill all at once. In the middle of the night. Repeatedly.

3. Whatever medicine you have in the cabinet, it will not be what you need to treat the current symptoms.

4. If you do have the right medicine, it will be past the expiration date on the bottle.

5. If your children are throwing up, their ability to make it to the bathroom is directly related to what time of day it is and how you are feeling.

Example: Middle of the day, you're feeling pretty good = child makes it to the bathroom before throwing up.

Middle of the night and you're running a fever = child will throw up in his bed and then repeatedly across the carpet as he tries to make it to the bathroom.

6. The child's need to throw up is directly related to the color of the last food that he ate. Anything the color red = high probability of vomiting without reaching the bathroom.

7. Whichever person insists they absolutely cannot get sick will get sick last. (My husband)

8. The closer you are to an event you can't miss, the more likely you will get sick just before it starts. (Terry held out for a week and a half. He got two days before he had to preach Sunday, and three days before our Super Conference starts.)

9. Your spouse will get sick just about the time you start really feeling horrible and absolutely have to have his help.

10. No one will want to shake hands with you for a full month after your entire family has completely recovered. When they actually shake your hand again, they will get sick within 24 hours and they will blame you.

I promise you that no germs were shared in the typing of this post.

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