Some weird things have been happening to me lately, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a magnet for trouble. Or at least reptiles and arachnids.
I have a fear of all things creepy. And crawly. And creepy crawlies that fly. I have a fear of a lot of things. And somehow they just seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately. First off, I was getting ready for work one morning when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. That something happened to be a very large spider crawling on the wall above the mirror. The spider's body without the legs was the size of a quarter. And the thing was hairy. I was totally freaked out. In truth, it could have been a lot smaller and I still would have freaked out, but I felt I really had an excuse to be a wimp this time. It was still pretty early, but there was no way I could finish getting ready with that thing crawling above my head. It was moving pretty fast too. So I woke my husband up and told him there was a spider in the bathroom so big, that if he killed it on the wall, he'd end up having to repaint. Terry's used to my drama and exaggerations, but like any knight in shining armor, he crawled out of bed and went to face the dragon. Okay, it was just a spider, but it was big enough to breathe fire! My fears were justified when he walked into the bathroom. The first thing he said was, "Whoa. That is a big spider." I stayed in the bedroom while he did battle. I don't know how he dealt with it, but he assured me the thing was both dead and gone. And he didn't have to repaint either. I've seen no further spiders in the house, but believe me, I keep an eye out.
There is a man that comes by work every couple of weeks to wash and detail cars for people. Last week when he showed up I decided to splurge and have him do my van. He did a great job, but he told me while he and his assistant were cleaning the inside of the van, a big hairy spider crawled out from under the dash. He said he took a flying leap out of the van when he saw it. His assistant freaked out so much he dropped the vacuum and spilled dirt all over the place. I listened intently as he told me, and then I got to the heart of the matter.
"You did get rid of it, didn't you?" I'm nothing if not sympathetic.
"What?" He hesitated and then, "Oh, yeah. Sure. We took care of it, no problem!" Why was I not reassured?
Since then I dread climbing in the driver's seat. I know I'd have an accident if that thing crawled out at me while driving, but I'm almost having accidents anyway as I'm constantly on the lookout for it. I feel prickles on my legs and feet all the time while I'm driving now. If we could afford it I think I'd try to talk my husband into trading the van in for another vehicle, just so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
And then there's the snakes. One dropped off the front door at work and almost landed on one of my co-workers. Then it coiled on the porch and faced the front door like it was waiting for its next victim. We took to going out the side door and walking around the building in order to get to the parking lot. But apparently the snake decided waiting outside wasn't enough. Last week one of our coworkers headed to the restroom. We heard several sharp slaps and I wondered out loud if he was killing a bug. We all scattered in terror when he came back into the office with what was left of a snake dangling from the paper towel in his hand. He said he used the heel of his shoe to crush the head. I stared in horror as someone speculated that perhaps there was a nest of snakes around somewhere. I think this one looked a lot like the one on the front porch, and I think it was lurking in the bathroom, waiting for a victim.
It's very difficult to work a full day without going to the bathroom, but I'm managing.
And then today it was the bee. I stopped at a McDonald's drive through (I was ordering the fruit salad, thank you very much) when a bee flew in the window and right past my face. It settled away from me on the sliding door on the opposite side of the van. The line at McDonald's was long and creeping forward slowly, and it was raining. But I risked a slow motion accident and soaked the inside of my van because I crept along with both front windows open. I drove with one eye on the bee and one eye on the car in front of me. (No mean feat, I can tell you that!) I got more antsy when the bee started pacing back and forth across the window. As soon as I got my salad I pulled over into a parking spot and prepared to do battle. I unlocked the doors and planned on opening the side door to let the thing out. I also removed my shoes so I had a weapon in case the bee got aggressive. I fumbled with the door and the bee flew out into the open as soon as it opened. But I was parked near a bush, and I almost let in two more bees, trying to get the first one out.
I'm trying desperately not to assume that all of nature is now out to get me. I scan walls, ceilings and corners whenever I enter a room. I drive with fear and trembling. I think I've had about all of nature I can stand for a while.