Can You Lend Me A Hand ... Or A Couple of Legs?

As if I didn't have enough trouble walking on two legs, I've sprouted a couple of extra ones. I sprained my ankle, and now I'm on crutches for the next ten days.

I'll wait a moment for your murmurs of sympathy.

Okay, done yet? Because I don't need sympathy about my sprain. It's stupid and I'm so mad at my ankle that I'm not talking to it right now. Not that I randomly talk to my body parts, but you know what I mean. And if you don't, than you probably shouldn't even be reading my blog.

Cranky much?

As soon as people see me hobbling along they gasp, "What happened?!" Original comment, dontcha think? I'll bet you asked that (in your head, if not out loud) as soon as you read that I was on crutches. I know people are being sympathetic, and deep down in my heart--way deep down--I appreciate it.

My problem is, I don't have a great story to tell what happened. It's a stupid story. And not stupid in an I-went-parasailing-and-landed-wrong kind of way. That's a stupid story that still inspires people with my adventurous spirit. Unfortunately, my story has no adventure. It's not even a stupid story where people laugh and say they can't believe I did that. It's stupid in a way where, when I explain what happened, people stare for a minute, like they're waiting for the good part. Then when they realize that's it, they just, kind of blink and say oh.

So after a lead-in like that (and trust me, the lead-in was more interesting than the story itself), here's what happened:

The week before last, Terry and I went away for a few days to celebrate our twenty-fifth anniversary. We've actually been married for twenty-six years, but last year we were traveling to our son's wedding a week after our anniversary so we didn't really have the chance to celebrate. We're getting even, though. We told him that on his twenty-fifth anniversary, he'll be busy planning the party for our fiftieth.

At any rate, we went to the Gulf for five days and played in the water, walked on the beach, shopped, slept and ate seafood five days in a row. Well, Terry ate seafood. I was a little fished out and I started ordering hamburgers toward the end of our vacation. We even went for a late night swim and then walked along the deserted beach in the moonlight. It was absolutely wonderful until the last night when I sprained my ankle.

None of the above activities caused me to hurt myself. Oh no. I'm unique. On our last night, I sat curled up in a chair, reading, until my leg went to sleep. Then when I tried to stand up, my ankle gave out.

Here's where you say oh.

Yep. That's really it. I basically sprained my ankle while reading. See? Even people who live very sedentary lifestyles can injure themselves. If they're clumsy enough.

Clumsy doesn't end with being on crutches, though. I've never had to use them before. They always looked fairly simple, but they're killing me. My shoulders and arms ache unbelievably from supporting most of my weight. (Note to self: get back on your diet!) My right leg aches because it's doing all the work, and my left leg feels guilty for not doing it's fair share. Plus, everytime I move the crutches forward, somehow I don't seem to make them land an even distance from me. One is always in front of the other. One afternoon as I crutched through a parking lot, my shirt caught on the crutches and hiked higher with every step, exposing my bare belly to the whole world. No one wanted to see that.

I carry a big purse, and it throws me more off balance than usual when I'm trying to crutch. So I ended up hanging it around my neck when I went into work today. I felt like a St. Bernard. And now I'm wondering ...

If I stood on a street corner leaning on my crutches with my purse around my neck, would people start throwing change into it?

1001 Ways to Answer the Hodgepodge

There are probably more than 1001 ways to answer the 87 different Hodgepodges that Joyce has hosted, but I think just sticking with one way would simplify things on my blog, so that's what I'll go with. If you want to see the other 1000 ways to answer (or maybe just 50-60), click here to head over to Joyce's. Before you go, you don't have to leave 1001 comments, but just one would be nice. Two or three is good, too, if you have a lot to say.

1. I'm (this would be Joyce, not me) joining my daughter1 in the 101 in 1001 challenge. Essentially you create a list of 101 things you hope to do or accomplish in the next 1001 days. What's one thing you'd put on your list?

Eat lunch. (I'm starting with small, manageable goals, and I'll branch out from there. Maybe add supper and breakfast to the list.)

2. How many remote controls do you have in your house? What's one item in your home you wish could be operated by remote control?

The question isn't how many remotes do I have; the question is where are they when I need them? And I wish my kids were operated by remote control. I'd be using the mute button a lot.

3. What does having it all mean to you? Is it attainable?

If "it all" is attainable, then it must be by mail order because they're always sold out at Walmart.

4. What's your favorite movie soundtrack?

"Oooooooooo-kla-homa where the wind comes sweeping down the plain ..."

That's going to stick in your mind for the rest of the day.

5. Describe the best view you've seen from a rooftop.

Since I have a thing about heights, I think the best view would be the ladder (and safety harness) that I would need to use to get down.

6. What's your least favorite thing about summer?

Sweat.

7. Our weekly Hodgepodge falls on the first day of August. In ten words or less sum up your July.

Sticky. Slower. Over. (Do I get a bonus since I didn't use up all ten words?)

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Is dry cleaning really dry?

The Olympic Hodgepodge

You know what to do, right? So here's your link and you are free to click on it and head over to Joyce's blog to read everyone's answers ... just as soon as you comment on mine.

1. The Summer Olympics begin next week and London is playing host. If you had the chance to go in person which (non-Olympic) London site would you most like to visit?
I've been to London twice, both times as a stopover on our way to Uganda. We were going to take our kids sightseeing the second time, but after flying all night, we checked into a hotel and slept most of our sight-seeing day away. We decided to at least take the 30 minute train ride from Heathrow to Victoria Station since the kids had never been on a train before. Then we walked around the streets near the station, pointing out doubledecker buses and other sights. The kids kept asking where Big Ben was, but we had no time to go that far. So when I spotted a clock tower nearby, I pointed it out and proclaimed it to be Big Ben. (Yes, I lied!) The kids were suitably impressed, and then we boarded the train and headed back to the airport.

Side note:  I thought I had eventually confessed my wrong doing, but apparently not. I made mention of it recently, and both of my oldest children were shocked and disappointed since they'd been thinking all these years that they had seen Big Ben.

2. What is something in your life right now that feels like an Olympic event?

Life is an event, baby, and I'm going for the gold!

3. What's your favorite supper to prepare and serve when it's too hot to cook?

1-800-PAPA-JOHNS

4. July 18th is National Get Out of the Doghouse Day...when was the last time you were 'in the doghouse'?

I'm not often in the doghouse, but I put others there frequently.

5. What television advertisement do you find particularly irritating or inappropriate? You may not answer with 'all of them'. I know some of you were thinking about it.

Most of the toilet paper commercials. I'm not interested in "having a frank talk about what happens in the bathroom" (Northern bath tissue), and I'm completely disgusted by the dancing cartoon bears singing about leaving pieces behind (Charmin). Where's Mr. Whipple when you need him?!?!

6. Share one piece of interesting news from the year you were born.

Do you mean the fact that I was born is not interesting enough?

7. What's the best part of your average day?

If I had a day that was average, that would be the best part of my day.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

My nails need filing. How's that for a random thought?

Back for the Hodgepodge!

I know you're surprised to see me. I'm surprised to see myself. Not that I can really see myself unless I'm looking in a mirror. Which I'm not. At any rate, I finally have a chance to participate once again in the world-famous Hodgepodge. (Of course it's famous! It's on the web, isn't it?) In case you've been away as long as I have, here's how it works:  Read my answers and either laugh hysterically or nod thoughtfully, depending on how I answer. (Don't laugh hysterically at any thought-provoking answers I come up with. It'll hurt my feelings.) Then, after you leave a comment here--it is required, you know--click on over to Joyce's blog and see what she had to say. Over there you can also follow the links to all the other bloggers who participate in this much needed middle of the week adventure. And you can even link up your own blog.

Comment. Click. Repeat. Got it?

1. How often do you check the weather? How do you check the weather?

I check the weather with the app on my phone. Or by looking out the window. Although it's really not necessary to do either in Florida in the summertime. Unless we're having a hurricane, the weather is hot and humid, with a chance of afternoon rain. Look at me, I'm a weather girl!

2. Since this is volume 84 of the Wednesday Hodgepodge, and since I got married in 1984, and since I'm attending a wedding this weekend it only seems right to post something related here.

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life."

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Agree or Disagree. Why?

Happiness, especially related to love and marriage, is a choice, not a chance. Some days you wake up next to your special someone and feel grateful that you're with such a wonderful person. Other days (especially when you're picking up their dirty socks for the 100th time or enduring yet another session of the Outdoor Channel) you have to consciously make the choice to continue loving them. The big shock is, they have to make that same choice about you each day, and it isn't always easy no matter who is doing the choosing. It's not whether or not you know all their defects, or even if they know all of yours. It's whether or not you choose to see the defects when you look at them, or whether you choose to see the wonderful person you fell in love with in spite of the defects.

3. Do you like to dance? Have you ever taken dance lessons?

Some of our children have a complete lack of rhythm. I'm pretty sure they got that from me.

4. Fresh from the oven peach pie or home made peach ice cream? Pick one.

I would like homemade ice cream on my peach pie, please. Only instead, could you make it peach cobbler? Thanks.

5. Should people accept unfairness and learn to make the best of it?

Life's not fair so stop whining about it. Or as I've told my children:  "Life's hard and then you die. Eat your breakfast."

I'm going for motivational mother of the year.

6. The top five all time summer movie blockbusters (released between May and August and grossing at least 100 million dollars) are-Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars (the original), Ghostbusters, and ET. Which one's your favorite?

I've not actually seen all of those movies, but generally speaking, good-looking hunks and great adventures top any syfy or man-eating shark flick.

7. If given the chance, would you like to visit the moon?

Why should I bother? It never calls. It never writes. We used to be close, but then the tides turned.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

For the past couple of weeks, it's been hotter in many other states of our country than it has been here in Florida. I can't say I haven't gloated just a bit over that one.

That wasn't so hard, was it? So what are you waiting for? Leave a comment and then head over to Joyce's. What else have you got to do in the middle of the week?

Stressed Much?

I've mentioned the overwhelming amount of events going on through this month. So far I'm handling it well(?)! Except for a few glitches.

My husband has a tendency to set things down and forget where he put them. This tendency has morphed into a habit of epic proportions this past month. We have three keys to the truck. He never knows where he last used any of them. Occasionally I find one and put it on my keyring, but when he needs the truck, he can never find his key or his spare, so he just takes the one off my keyring. And then, of course, no one can find it later.

I'm not much better. I went to a sale and bought several shirts this weekend. This morning I was searching for the green one to wear to work today. I couldn't find it anywhere, and was really getting frustrated. It finally hit me that the shirt I was looking for was the one I decided not to buy after all. No wonder I couldn't find it in my closet!

Two weeks to go. This week, in addition to work, cooking and houseguests, we have to finish (start) decorating for Vacation Bible School, finish washing all the laundry the boys brought back from camp, clean the house for the church group coming in on Saturday, and host Luke's graduation open house on Friday night.

Oh. I also have to finish (start) writing the lines for the skit that runs through all five days of Vacation Bible School, and coordinate the million and one details that haven't been handled yet.
Breathe... Breathe...

The Good Neighbor Hodgepodge

Yes, I know. I never call or write anymore. You're feeling neglected. I get it. But since I've nothing else for you to read, why don't you sit back and cruise through the hodgepodge? Then leave a comment and click on this link to head over to Joyce's and see what the rest of the hodgepodge world is doing? There's a good cyber neighbor!

1. In what way are you your own worst enemy?

Hmmm. Perhaps by patronizing the few blog readers I have until they no longer return? Would I really do something so self-destructive? 

2. Jacques Cousteau's birthday was Monday, June 11th...ever been scuba diving? Is that something you'd like to try? What's your favorite 'under the sea' creature?

I've done snorkeling, but never scuba diving. I believe claustrophobia might get in the way of me enjoying scuba diving. And my favorite under the sea creature is Aquaman. 

3. On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you in and around the water? (1=not at all, 10=very) Do you know how to swim and if so how and when did you learn?

I'd give it a 10 in the shower. I'm very comfortable there. 

4. What's something you do to motivate yourself to tick an item off your to-do list?

Cleaning the house is always on my to-do list. Nothing motivates me more to tackle cleaning than knowing that we're having company. We have two guests coming in tonight, and staying for 10 days. The day they leave another dozen are coming in and staying for a week. Apparently I needed a lot of motivation. 

5. What makes a good neighbor? Are you a good neighbor?

After years of watching Mr. Rogers while growing up, I can confidently say a zip up sweater and a pair of sneakers makes a good neighbor. I have neither. Draw your own conclusions. 

6. Who loads the dishwasher at your house? Is there a right way and a wrong way?

No one loads it until I tell them to because apparently no one is motivated by a sink full of dirty dishes other than me. Since it's that hard to get them to do it, I can't afford to be picky about the way they load it when they finally tackle the job. 

7. You know it's summer when_________________________.

This one stumped me. It's always summer in Florida. 

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Random thought? RANDOM THOUGHT?!?!?! Did you read my answer to #4? In addition to all that company, I also have to plan a graduation open house, and plan and coordinate Vacation Bible School. The dozen guests are coming down to help with VBS, so they're actually staying with us the week we're having VBS! There is not room in the blogosphere for all my random thoughts! Here's a random thought: what was I thinking!?!?!


 

Breathe...Breathe...

I never got the Lamaze thing down very well. I know after six kids I should be an expert, but I think I set my expectations too high. They said it would make you cope with the pain. Somehow I translated that to get rid of the pain. Big difference. Especially when it didn't do what they promised, never mind what I hoped for.

When we were blissfully ignorant parents-to-be for the first time, we attended Lamaze classes and faithfully practiced at home. Unfortunately, I never did get the breathing patterns down right. At least, that's why I'm chalking Lamaze up as a giving-birth-coping-mechanism-failure. Terry, on the other hand, took to coaching like a natural. I think it's because the term coach conjures up some mental image of sports. Or maybe he just naturally likes to be in charge and tell people what to do. At any rate, my our birthing experiences were marked by his rhythmic chants:

"Breathe...two...three...four; breathe...two...three...four..."

It never worked very well for giving birth, but the concept has stuck with me through the years. I think I would have studied and practiced harder if I'd realized that Lamaze isn't just something for the labor and delivery room. It's a coping method needed throughout my life as a parent.

*When the kids would scream because they were about to get immunization shots ...

*When I sat at the health department for hours, wrestling six screaming kids while waiting to get immunization shots ...

Breathe...two...three...four; breathe...two...three...four...

*When I had to wash Stephanie's hair four times to get all the clumps out after she and her brothers had a mud fight ...

*When I picked up the pieces to the last remaining music box in my collection, after the kids had broken all the others through the years ...

In...two...three...four; out...two...three...four...

*When I sat through a competition performance and hid my own anxiety because I had to calm down the ones who were performing ...

*When I watched all six kids jumping on the trampoline at the same time--and coming within centimeters of smashing their heads against the edges numerous times ...

*When Matt informed me that he wanted to invite a girl he'd met twice to come stay with us for a week during VBS ...

*When Matt answered my "why" question with, "Because she's hot."

*When Luke kept waking up during the night because he was having nightmares about snakes ...

Take a breath...two...three...four...and now another...two...three...

*When Joel was diagnosed with meningitis when he was six days old ...

*When Matt accidentally electrocuted himself with a 220 plug while we were living in Uganda ...

*When Stephanie had to have surgery because we discovered she'd been walking around with an inch long piece of toothpick buried in her foot for over a month ...

You can do this...three...four; another breathe...two...three...four

*When I taught Matt to drive ...

*When I taught Stephanie to drive ...

*When I taught Luke to drive ...

Get back in your lane!...two...three...put your blinker on!...one...two...

*When I visited the emergency room with Nicky for his broken collarbone ...

*When I visited the emergency room a month later with Paul, who needed eleven stitches just above his eyebrow ...

*When I visited the emergency room a month later with Joel, who had broken both wrists ...

We can get through this...three...four; they'll be fine...one...two...

*When my firstborn said "I do" to the girl of his dreams ...

*When my daughter told me she was dating a wonderful man who is studying to be a missionary ...

*When Luke started looking at college options ...

In...two...three...four; out...two...three...four

Who knew Lamaze would come in so handy? It's gotten me through all these momentous (and sometimes dangerous) life moments. Like tonight when we go to Luke's high school graduation ceremony. There'll be pictures and smiles, celebrations, memories and a diploma. And underneath it all you may hear my coach murmuring,

You can do this...two...three...four...you'll make it through this...two...three...four...