Sunday, January 6, 2008

... It will grow back tomorrow!

It was crunch time. Just me and the clippers. Well, the boys were there too. It was time to face this boogie monster that had bothered me for years. It wasn't that hard. I could cut hair. I would cut hair. I opened up the bag and pulled out the little plastic thingys, muttering to myself, "#2 on the sides, #4 on top, blend it with a #3." I knew what to do. I was ready. Until I pulled out the first guard. Instead of a number it had two words on it. "Right Ear". Wait a minute. You have to change the guard to cut around the ear? No one ever mentioned that. Was this an absolute? Did this mean I couldn't use a #2 around the ear? In the scale of 2,3, & 4, where did right ear fit in? And the biggest question of all: did this mean just his right ear, or did it mean his right ear as I faced him, which would actually be his left ear? This was too hard! I wasn't meant for this kind of pressure! Out of curiosity I dug through the rest of the guards until I found the one marked "Left Ear". At least now we were equal. I agonized for long moments, but I finally decided to stick with my original plan. In one quick motion I fastened the guard (#2 of course)on the clippers, flicked the on switch and ran the thing up the back of my son's head. That was easy. And kinda fun. I continued until the back of my son's hair was clipped short, the rest of it sticking out like a furry mane. But this was the easy part, after all. I moved to the side of his head and hesitated. The right ear guard lay on the counter, glaring at me. I was doing it wrong. What if I ruined my son's hair? What if I cut off his ear? What if I ignored the right ear guard and just kept cutting? And that's what I did. I couldn't believe how easy this was. In fact, I got so caught up in it that I forgot to switch to a #4 when I moved to the top of his head. He won't be needing another haircut for a while. But it still looked nice. I finished up and moved to son #2 and then son #3. I actually remembered to switch guards with them, so their cuts looked even better. And then, in the midst of all the fun, I finished. (My two teenagers refused to let me near them. guess they'll be paying for their own cuts!)
It was so easy and so fun. I started counting how long it would be before the boys' hair would grow enough so that I could cut it again. I bragged on their good looks. I pointed out their haircuts to everyone that saw them. This was easy! Maybe I should take it up professionally. Surely people would pay lots of money to have someone with such natural talent cut their hair. I basked in my own glory for all of three days.
The third morning, my youngest son got out of bed and came to where I was working on the computer. I turned to speak to him and noticed that he had a small thatch of hair sticking straight out from the side of his head. It wasn't huge, but it was definitely more than a strand. And it was longer than all the other hair around it. Where had that come from? And why hadn't I seen it for the last three days? I clipped it and acknowledged that even people with natural talent can miss something once in awhile.
That same morning I realized that son #2 also had hair issues. He's the one that got the short cut, which was really good for him anyway. He has a mass of cowlicks across the front of his hairline, so all that hair sticks up anyway. He had a burst of stray hairs coming out of one of those cowlicks. How had I missed that? It was kind of obvious; not the sort of thing you'd ignore when you had clippers in your hand.
During the past week I've noticed several other--problems--on the boys. Okay, so I'm not quite perfect. But I'll get it right. Just give me about six weeks or so and their hair will be needing cutting again. And I'll be ready. I just have to avoid that right ear guard. I know it's lurking in the closet, waiting for me.
Anyone up for a trip to the salon?


  1. I've often sat and watched my husband cut his hair and wondered if I could do it. I was petrified the first time he said, "Hey, can you come even up the bottom back?" Let's just say he's never asked again. I think I'd rather watch. It's great to know he'll be able to cut our son's hair and I won't have to worry about it.

  2. I say BRAVO, Jill! I admire anybody who attempts to cut hair without a license, especially for family members.
    When trimming my husband's hair, I don't bother with attachments anymore. Of course, he doesn't have that much hair left anyway, but that is a different subject altogether. Recently, our daughter has taken up the clippers and has learned the "down to the nub" style her daddy favors. I can see my future grandsons now. They'll have their mama's eyes, their grandma's charm, and their grandpa's aerodynamic hairdo.
    Anyway, your clipper skills will develop soon enough, and if not, your son's will fast start scrounging money for professional haircuts. Either way, your job will get easier!


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