Sunday, January 27, 2008

There's no stopping the flood

You know it's coming. You struggle with it, hold it back, and finally think you're getting victory. Right before the dam bursts. How is it that our brains can trick us into ignoring or not believing what we know to be true? My body lies to me all the time.
It lies to me about illness. I can feel a little off and just know I'm coming down with something. My head hurts, I feel achy, and I'll head to bed, knowing I won't be able to move come morning. Instead, I find that I'm doing much better. That's the good part. The bad part is when I think I can head off a little cold, only to have it turn into the flu. I'm feeling pretty good, no problems, when all of a sudden my throat or head hurts and before I know it, I'm flat on my back.
My body also lies to me about self-control. I've been dieting lately, and I'm doing pretty good at it. But every once in a while, my body will convince me that I can handle temptation or that I can make myself behave it we eat out. I believe it too, right up until I put that temptation in my mouth! Now why would my body lie to me about something like that?
The worse way my body lies is in the area of emotions. We all have times when we feel like crying. A certain song or phrase comes along and we swallow hard because of the emotion is dredges up, or the memories it brings. We swallow the tears back and our body assures us that we do still have control. We're not going to lose it in public. My body tells me this lie right up until the tears erupt. I'm not a public crier. I don't like to be seen in a sad emotional state. But recently, tears welled up at something someone had said. It wasn't hurtful, but it did bring back memories. I swallowed hard and shoved the thought away. I was so sure I was doing it. I was conquering my emotions! I saw my husband watching me and I attempted a reassuring smile and that's when the dam broke. I burst into loud, embarrassing sobs and had to excuse myself and run from the room. I was so embarrassed. The people we were with were horrified at the thought that they'd said something to make me cry. I finally mopped myself up and came back, but everything was really awkward by then. I apologized and they apologized, but no one really wanted to look anyone else in the eye. Now I figure, if I'm in the mood, I might as well watch a sad movie and get the thing overwith. Sometimes a good strong cry is cathartic. Tissues anyone?

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