Guy Wit for a Friday

My guys have been rather witty lately, and I thought I'd leave you laughing this weekend. Here's a few conversations that have come up in our house in the past few days.

Joel: "I think I'm getting sick. My head's stopped up and I keep coughing."

Me.: "It could be the weather. Or the amount of dust and dirt in your room."

Joel: "Yeah, I'm gonna go with the weather."
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Me: "Something stinks in here." (A common complaint at our house!)

Nicky: (Looking down the stairs to make sure Matt was in hearing distance.) "I think it's Matt."

Matt glanced up the stairs, and Nicky ran into his room.

Me: "I think he was trying to get your goat."

Matt: (As he's coming up the stairs.) "Yeah, he said it right at me."

Me: "A mature person would ignore the comment and let it go."

Matt: "Yep. A mature person would." (He disappeared into Nicky's room where I soon heard Nicky shrieking as Matt tackled him.)
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Paul: "What are you doing?"

Me: "I'm exercising because I'm old and out of shape. But in six months I'll be old and in better shape. In a year I'll be old and gorgeous."

Silence that lasts a minute too long.

Paul: "You're already gorgeous."

Me: "Thank goodness! I thought you were going to miss your cue!"
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Luke: "Do you see the hair on my chin?" (He's in a hurry to grow up, and I get questions like this all the time.)

Me: "No, but I see the zit under your nose." (I'm not in a hurry for him to grow up. And there was no hair on his chin.)
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Me: "I just finished working out with weights. What do you think of that?"

Nicky: Noncommittal shrug.

Me: "Someday I'm going to be buff and beautiful."

Nicky: (Roll of the eyes and sideways glance.) "Yeah." (Muttered under his breath) "Someday."
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If your read this post, you'll see where Nicky had a case of hive (only one, but it was huge).

Nicky: "I think I have another hive." (He pulled his shirt up so I could look at his back.)

Me: "It's nothing. It's probably a mosquito bite."

Nicky: (Muttering as he's walking away.) "Looks like a hive. Feels like a hive."
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The boys asked one day if I would cut their school work short. (They ask almost every day.)

Me: "I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy about that."

Joel: "Step outside. You'll feel warm and fuzzy then."
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In a routine conversation involving the instruction of personal hygiene:

Me: "You need to use deodorant every day."

Paul: "I do. Under both arms and on my chest."

Me: "Your chest?"

Paul: "Yeah, I sweat there too."
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And the tip of the day: If you have males in your household, it's worth it to invest in a really good toilet plunger. Have a great weekend!