Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Purses and Parties
The best part of the purse is the Designer label smack dab in the front. I make sure I carry the purse so the label shows discreetly. After all, what's the point in carrying a designer bag if no one realizes it?
As I mentioned on Friday, I didn't want to wear the whole outfit for the two hour drive, so I did the hair and makeup and then changed at the country club. I arrived fifteen minutes before the banquet started--way early for me normally, but not early enough when you want to change after getting there. I grabbed my gymbag and my dress and made my way through the throngs of formally dressed ladies in search of a bathroom. Five minutes to dress, a minute to calm down and catch my breath and I would be ready to shine.
Did I mention the bathroom had no air conditioning? I don't know why--someone should tell the management that we live in Florida. Air conditioning in tiny interior rooms is mandatory. I went into a stall and tried not to mess up my hair and makeup or sweat too much while getting dressed.
When I finally finished, I went traipsing out of the bathroom in my formal gown--and dragging along my Planet Fitness gymbag. Fortunately I found a place to stash it, and joined the ladies for the banquet. Between my rushing around and the warm bathroom, I felt quite flushed and out of breath. I even begged off from posing for the professional photographer they had on hand because I didn't want my radioactive glow to be recorded for posterity.
I calmed down during the meal, but I never completely cooled off. I do think my talk went very well-it was not recorded so you'll have to take my word for it. I was quite witty and funny. Unfortunately, I think I was memorable for a different reason.
After the banquet I was supposed to follow the pastor's wife over to her house, where I'd left one of my sons playing with her boys. While I waited for them to finish collecting all the decorations and get ready to leave, I chatted with a few of the ladies standing near me. I began to realize just how warm I was, and I began fanning myself with my folded notes. That didn't cool me off, so I sipped ice water and fanned some more. Then I actually felt a bead of sweat trickle down my brow.
And panic set in. What on earth was the matter with me? Had they already turned off the air conditioning in the rest of the building? Was I developing a glandular problem? Had early menopause hit me right here at the end of this banquet?
By now I was afraid I'd be remembered for my sweating instead of my wit. I surreptitiously dabbed my face with one of the linen napkins, and was horrified to see the smear of makeup I left on it. I folded the makeup to the inside, dropped the napkin to the table and prayed for the evening to end.
You will be happy to know I do not have a strange medical condition. I may have a strange mental condition, but that's another post. When I got to the pastor's wife's house, I went into a back room to change. And that's when I realized that body shaper could probably keep me insulated in temperatures fifty degrees below zero. You'd think they would have advertised that on the tag!
So the talk went pretty well, but I'm not sure when I'll ever be asked back. Maybe if they ever have a picnic theme? Denim and cotton are much more along the lines of my comfort zone!
Posted by Jill at 12:46 AM