Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Medicinal Sauces

If our ancestors could see the way people are panicking over swine flu, what would they say? My guess?
This is flu, people. Just like lots of other types of flu. Remember bird flu? And SARS? and monkey flu? Okay, I made that last one up, but this is just silly. This all out hysteria would be funny if it weren't scary. Where is this chaos coming from?
I have a theory, and it goes like this:
The hand-sanitizer people were at their weekly poker game with the history textbook writer people. Everyone was complaining about the economy and how hard it was on business. Then someone pointed out that the way business works, you have to create a product to fill a need. Or you have to create a need for your project. So the hand-sanitizer people decided that, if they could create some kind of a new strain of virus, sales of their product would skyrocket, even with a bad economy.
But their friends, the history textbook writer people weren't happy. That need didn't do anything for their product. As a matter of fact, worry about flu and germs could even cause people to go out less, do less shopping and browsing and could actually hurt sales of their textbooks.
Then someone mentioned that, if the flu strain spread fast enough and far enough, it could get as bad as the influenza epidemic of 1918. Or the bubonic plague of the 1500's. Then the history textbook people would need to produce new textbooks to cover this historic period in our lives.
And that's how we got the swine flu.
A friend of mine told me that, in Texas, the entire state's school system shut down to deal with the flu. There it was swine flu. When it got to Alabama, the virus had mutated. It was now the hog flu, and county and city schools were shut down. But the time it got to Florida, the virus had mutated again. Now it's pork flu. The cure? A tablespoon of BBQ sauce, morning and evening. If you have a particularly virulent strain, you might try a side of either pork n' beans or macaroni n' cheese. Cole slaw works too, but only in the South.

1 comment:

  1. I would have laughed out loud if I dídn´t have someone here visiting. I think they already think I am crazy cause I am sitting her rocking. This is hilarious.
    Famous Daves Texas Pit sause is a cure!! that´s great!


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